Can I make up for the mistakes made by love in a lifetime? The story behind Shen Congwen's sorry

In love, besides I love you, you must have the courage to say: "I'm sorry."

also said with tearful thought: "I understand you."

opened "Congwen Jiashu", Shen Congwen said to Zhang Zhaohe :

"I have you, and I believe that I will write better articles in this life! With love! Happiness, share some love and happiness with others, and you will naturally write good articles. I am not proud of these articles, because they are all yours. Without you, there would be no such articles."

For various reasons,When Shen Congwen was 48 years old, he stopped the pen in his hand, but he kept thinking. Shen Congwen believes that all love comes from love and happiness, and he will spend his life exploring the happiness created by love and beauty. He said: "When people are old, they will return to the state of babies." In the spiritual world, life comes to an end, more like the process of returning to the mother's body, curling up in the amniotic fluid and feeling the first happiness in the world.

Ask the world, what is love? First of all, you must have a big dream to awaken this love.

Shen Congwen has loved water since he was a child. He once wrote "The relationship between my writing and water" at the beginning of "Congwen Autobiography". Coincidentally: "Water" is also a family publication organized by Shen Congwen's wife, Zhang Zhao, and his brothers and sisters. They like the character of water, and they like people like water like Shen Congwen.

"The eaves, the small river, and the vast ocean have been of great help to me. I have learned to think about everything with a small brain. Thanks to water, I have a deep understanding of the universe. At one point, it’s water."-"Congwen Autobiography"

Shen Congwen started to like water from the water droplets under the eaves of his own house. He loves to watch the spring water on the mountain form a small river, and he often follows the source to flow into it. In the Chenhe River, these waters became the romantic beauty of Shen Congwen's childhood. The water is free, and so is Shen Congwen's thoughts. Occasionally, Shen Congwen skipped class to play in the water, and then stretched his arms to shuttle in the market.

Shen Congwen was sent to a reserve military school by his mother when he was 14 years old. At the age of 16, he moved with the local army in Hunan. Ships are needed to transport materials and perform tasks between the army. The ship sails in the Tuojiang where the Chen River gathers. Shen Congwen uses the river water to understand the water, soil and people along the coast, and he has seen the army pull and kill innocent people. The river water was dyed red.

Shen Congwen was born in the "Military Family". Grandfather was once an admiral of Guizhou, and his father was also an officer. Since childhood, Shen Congwen was instilled with the dream of a general, but the troubled times were ruthless. His father was wanted for participating in an assassination mission and was unsuccessful. The Shen family fell into trouble since then.

In the life of the army, Shen Congwen saw soldiers playing mahjong and gambling money in their spare time, deceiving each other and having no trust. The military life tossed and turned several times,To make Shen Congwen understand the world, "abandoning martial arts and subscribing to literature" is his final decision.

When working as a tax collector at the police station in Zhijiang County, Shen Congwen plunged into the world of literature. He liked Chekov, he wanted to use his home as a home to see the world, explore through the surface of life, and understand people Hidden motives. At this time, he also met Ma Zehuai, who also loves literature, and met his sister Ma Zehui through Ma Zehuai.

This is Shen Congwen's first love affair. However, this relationship did not go well. In the end, he was cheated of selling a house for 1,000 yuan, which is equivalent to 100,000 yuan. The first love ended in a failure to be deceived, which made Shen Congwen fall into self-blame. He did not tell his family, and went to Changde alone to relax and be in a daze. This time, it was water that saved Shen Congwen’s painful soul. Every day he watched people loading ships and the water flowing through the distance, his heart finally let go. He wrote to his mother, "I'm sorry."

Without giving up on life, he responded carefully and carefully: "There is no unforgivable reason for the wrong things that have been done. Do things well by yourself, and we can rest assured."

The first time I really apologize is the family member , He said that he used the wrong heart, and chose to escape and silence, which made his mother worried and his brothers and sisters afraid.

Tuojiang water flows directly into the Yangtze River near Luzhou . The Yangtze River is the main artery of water transport across our country and the golden waterway of our country. At that time, the strong cargo momentum carried the expectations of people along the Yangtze River. Looking at the water in his hometown, Shen Congwen, who calmed down and thought, felt its power for the first time. He has bigger dreams.

When the water is still, it becomes clear, like a mirror. Lao Tzu once said: "Water is good for all things without fighting, and it is the evil of everyone, so it is more than Tao."

Water is good at nourishing all things but does not compete with it. Water is good, pure, peaceful and beautiful. Just like water, you can be appreciative. Only when you see beauty can you produce love. You can be humble, deep as water, blind date, sincere, and tolerant of everything.

Shen Congwen realized that he needs to stand by and move. It is very necessary to continue learning and growing. If you want to use words to build the beauty of this world, you need to persist in growth and recast your dreams. Looking for dreams in Beijing, Shen Congwen lives in an apartment that has been transformed into a coal storage room.He was not afraid of hunger and cold. He held a pen in his hand and wrote stories about the waterside for five years. After another five years, his residence moved from Beijing to the bright and gorgeous seaside.

Little water is destined to flow into the vast ocean, big raindrops, river water filled with fish, and the Yangtze River carrying dreams. They are enough to affect the lonely soul of Shen Congwen. Fortunately, the flowing water helped Shen Congwen to dream of sailing across the sea.

In Shen Congwen’s eyes, the sea waters of Qingdao are so wide that they are boundless. They also magnify his feelings and hopes, and magnify his personality. Sometimes he walks on the beach and thinks about the islands that have been rushing with the sea. He seems to see only The rock making noises stayed there, telling him the story of this planet for thousands of years.

In 1934, Shen Congwen completed the classic "Border Town", and the light of literature illuminated his life. This novel tells the goodness and beauty of , the border county town of Chadong, isolated from the world. There are no bad people in the story, but because of the accidental interpersonal relationships, it tells a poignant love story.

The hidden pain of "Border Town" in love is the truth behind this novel. Also buried Shen Congwen's emotional context. This novel is an example of later generations seeing the sincere emotions deep in his heart.

Shen Congwen once remembered a true and simple love in the real world. In "Xiangxi Sanji·Wife", his companion once saw a girl in a woolen shop. More than a decade later, Shen Congwen revisited his hometown, and the shop is still there. The girl is the same as before. Suddenly learned that the girl was the daughter of her companion back then. Love, for the first time, made Shen Congwen feel the magic, and the great inheritance created the innocence, intelligence and unique beauty of "Border Town" Cui Cui .

In a round world, there are good things and ugly things. Under the war, peasants and soldiers bear the brunt of the great pressure of life. Their simplicity, innocence, and kindness are poisoned by violent conquests and evil substances that capture people's hearts. Poverty and laziness climbed onto their bodies, and some people moved forward in the woes of ignorance of their fate. Shen Congwen once went to Chadong when he was 20 years old. He described Chadong which was destroyed by the war like this:Wen Cuckoo is extremely sad. On the day of the cotton slope, about twenty-five miles high, several people were seen dead by the robbery halfway through the road. _P1p

This contrasting feeling became the lead of the love tragedy in "Border Town".

The original meaning of Cui Cui's name in "Border Town" was the cuckoo of cuckoo. Behind love, there is no cry of happiness. What readers read back then "Border Town" is novel, because it has the beauty of being isolated from the world; at the same time, it is sad, because everyone is in the era of war, and is always in grief and cruel reality.

The sadness of "Border Town" also comes from Shen Congwen and Zhang Zhaohe went to Qingdao’s Laoshan North Jiushui Road before their marriage. They saw the family of the deceased in the village "reporting the temple", and a little girl gave a prayer flag to lead the way. Shen Congwen saw Zhang Zhaohe who was crying and agreed to write an article with this character Article.

The fragments of happiness are not all good, and there is also the sadness of leaving.

The year that "Border Town" was published, Shen Congwen left his wife and went back to his hometown in Xiangxi to visit his sick mother, nestling next to his mother's bed. Shen Congwen was getting thinner and thinner. His mother looked very distressed and didn't want him to bear the pressure, so she insisted on letting him go back. After giving his mother a happy birthday, Shen Congwen left his hometown, although Shen Congwen was not by her side when her mother passed away. , But the true feelings of his mother live in the novel. There are tens of thousands of records about his mother in his anthology, with various stories about kind mothers, great maternal love.

The place where Shen Congwen grew up, what you see The characters, the voices he heard, and the smells he smelled really made him feel the emotional education of life.

Later he met his lover Zhang Zhaohe, Zhang Zhaohe shines on Shen Congwen’s everything like sunshine, making him lonely , Troubles, and pains have nowhere to hide.

Until the last moment of life, Shen Congwen decided not to hide himself completely, he said to Zhang Zhaohe: "Sanjie, I'm sorry for you." This sentence is not just to a certain Apologizing for the incident is Shen Congwen's "stitching" of love wounds.

In Shen Congwen's mouth, the weight of these three words is far more than these. Shen Congwen apologizes to Zhang Zhaohe for the hungry and bitter days that he used to spend with him. I apologize for not being understood for her sincere and kind devotion, and for tears when she missed it more than once in a different place. This sentence is Shen Congwen’s remorse in his life.It releases a huge desire for love, hoping to live a full and happy life in the last days of life.

2. "I'm sorry"

Can a man make up for the mistakes he made because of love in his lifetime?

When he died, God gave Shen Congwen courage. He exhausted all his strength and said to Zhang Zhaohe: "Sister, I'm sorry." "San Jie" was called along with the Zhang family brothers.

In the summer of 1932, Shen Congwen wore a long gown given to him by a friend and went to Suzhou to meet Zhang Zhaohe with a beautiful book in his hand.

Shen Congwen bowed his head and walked under the sun. In this quaint Jiuru Alley in Suzhou, his shadow stretched a long way. At this time, Shen Congwen dreamed about the scene of meeting Zhang Zhaohe more than once, and laughed as he thought about it. However, after knocking on the door for the first time, he only saw the second sister Zhang Yun and .

Zhang Yunhe once recalled the scene of Shen Congwen leaving Zhang's house in "Old Things in Zhang Family": "He was walking along the wall, half a street with the sun, and the shadow of the gray gown moved on the wall."

For Zhang Zhaohe, who deliberately "escaped" from meeting, she defended her sister Zhang Yunhe just like a child, and finally went to the apartment where Shen Congwen was staying shyly to meet him.

Meeting two people is like performing a Kunqu opera, with elegant speech and tactful tone. Unexpectedly, their hearts have recognized each other.

Shen Congwen was invited to the Zhang family as a guest. The Zhang family’s younger brothers especially like this handsome scholar and listen to his stories. Among the children, Shen Congwen seemed to have returned to Xiangxi when he was a child, dreaming about a beautiful life with his friends and chatting about magical things.

The name "Sanjie" is a habit that I started to develop at that time. This name is not only cordial, but also reveals the harmonious living atmosphere of the Zhang family and the innocent and romantic mood of Shen Congwen.

The modest personality made Shen Congwen quickly integrated into the Zhang family,The love between the two officially came to a perfect end on September 9, 1933.

And this sentence of "I'm sorry" from Shen Congwen's life, how many stories and helplessness does it carry?

All this stems from the indigestible love depression in his heart. "Congwen Jiashu" shows us the rich and complex emotions of two people.

"I'm sorry" not only contains a story, but the helplessness behind it also starts with the love between him and Zhang Zhaohe that is overwhelmed by happiness.

Shen Congwen spent a full 4 years pursuing Zhang Zhaohe and wrote hundreds of love letters within 3 years. And the beginning of their emotions is not consensual. Shen Congwen has been in unrequited love for 3 years. He is a teacher and she is a student. In his impression, he was a female student who "stubbornly" fell in love with this. She never denied "love", but was silent and did not reply to any letters.

Although Shen Congwen wrote romance novels and helped his cousin write love letters while studying in Beijing, he still lacks experience in love because he did not truly understand the inner world of a girl.

The fierce confession letters fell in the hands of Zhang Zhaohe's friend Wang Hualian. In the first two years, Zhang Zhaohe did not reply to a letter from Shen Congwen.

Shen Congwen even thought of using his life to "threate" the reply. The crazy behavior attracted Zhang Zhaohe's attention. He could only be resolved through the principal Hu Shi , but Hu Shi was on Shen Congwen's side in this matter.

Zhang Zhaohe, who was about to freak out, had to go home and ask her sister for help. Zhang Zhaohe even thought at the time that the relationship between people is nothing but utilization. Fortunately, Zhang Yunhe, the second sister of the family, communicated with her in time and told her how she feels about love. Love needs to find common ground, rather than reject it in silence.

A teacher who didn't know how to love at all, met a "eldest lady" who was ignorant of love. The way to get through their love pain points is first to calm down, and then to establish mutual values.

Shen Congwen also changed his previous love offensive. He began to write sentences about his understanding of life into his letter. The letter contained natural objects such as shells and fallen leaves that Shen Congwen carefully selected when he was in Qingdao. These letters were sent to Zhangjia in Jiuru Lane, Suzhou,Only then began to slowly melt Zhang Zhaohe's heart.

In Qingdao, Shen Congwen was trapped in love when he couldn't receive a reply at the beginning. He couldn't find the beauty of love. Only when he walked to the beach and looked at the sea did he feel a little bit. At this moment, he also tried to learn to love someone. When looking at the magnolia flower, he met a woman playing the violin and began to ponder about love.

Later met many times, and watched the clouds and mist with this woman for several hours on the top of the mountain. These feelings are helping Shen Congwen to get back the beauty of love. He did not continue to express his true feelings to this woman, but wrote this "accident" into "Water Cloud" and hidden it in the poem.

With these experiences, Shen Congwen has become more courageous to love, and then this first trip to Suzhou will appear, which finally confirms his marriage with Zhang Zhaohe.

After marriage, they are very happy, and they find each other more attractive. Even a brief separation must be linked to each other's emotions by letters.

But if you are happy and happy for a long time, people's dissatisfaction and depression will be hidden.

The story of really saying "I'm sorry" originally originated from a woman who intoxicated Shen Congwen, the "accidental" encounter described in Shen Congwen's prose "Water Cloud". For Shen Congwen, the first encounter was just a coincidence, but we can see the story behind this coincidence "encounter" from the name of the other party.

This woman's pen name is Gao Qingzi. She is a literary lover. In that era, the quick way to write articles required the help and publication of noble people, so Gao Qingzi's name was also specially designed. She has written the protagonist of the novel "Purple" is "Xuan Qing", the combination of this name and Gao Qingzi is Shen Congwen's commonly used pen name "Xuan Ruo". She wanted to use Shen Congwen to help herself, so she planned to attract this handsome man.

This kind of speculation mainly stems from the content of Gao Qingzi’s novel "Purple". This novel tells the emotional entanglement between the eighth sister’s brother and two women. It also describes the man’s life soon after he got engaged. True love in. The characters in these stories can be found in Shen Congwen's life.

These are just introductions. What really makes Shen Congwen fascinated by Gao Qingzi is that he sees the reflection of his loneliness and oppressive life in Gao Qingzi.Gao Qingzi has the dream to study firmly, and also expresses her feelings about the pursuit of beauty and love with her heart.

Only one month after the second meeting, Gao Qingzi dressed up like a character "living" in reality from his novels. Shen Congwen met her this time and is hard to forget. Gao Qingzi is dressed in a "green blouse with a little yellow flower silk blouse, with a little purple on the corner cuffs."

Gao Qingzi's costume is a deliberate imitation of the heroine in Shen Congwen's novel "The Fourth". All of these imply to Shen Congwen all the time that these all represent a woman's desire to meet and fall in love.

Although Shen Congwen did not conceal the relationship, he recorded this feeling of "love and surprise". Later, he edited and published a psychological story "Looking at the Rainbow", which describes a male going alone. The beautiful women’s room "talks", in which there have been many sexual cues.

Shen Congwen believes that he wants to show a kind of free emotional release, but these are unsolvable pains for himself and his family.

Shen Congwen has asked his friends to help find a solution many times, but although his friends do not approve of his free thinking, they can only persuade him to restrain.

And just in the days when Zhang Zhaohe was expecting childbirth, the news reached her ears, and Zhang Zhaohe was hit hard by the incident. Gao Qingzi used beauty and fantasy to attract Shen Congwen, and this "soul derailment" did make waves at an inappropriate time. The collision of Shen Congwen and Gao Qingzi's thoughts happened to be what Zhang Zhaohe didn't want to mention.

This time he found Lin Huiyin crying.

Lin Huiyin watched Shen Congwen crying like a child and talking about his emotional distress. Lin Huiyin began to enlighten him from literature and life. She said that Shen Congwen made the mistake this time: "His poetic temperament created his opposition. , Making him at a loss for life and its conflicts, but I can't help but find it funny. He was so charming and likable that morning! And I sat there, talking to him old and tired, and scolding him , Persuade him to discuss with him life and its twists and turns, human nature, its moving features and its tragedies, ideals and realities!"

during that in-depth discussion,Lin Huiyin persuaded him to cut off the thread of love, mainly to stop imagination, love needs sincerity. Shen Congwen likes to fantasize what he thinks is beautiful about something or someone. So this confession gave Shen Congwen the courage to find Zhang Zhaohe to confess. Zhang Zhaohe, who had been so wronged all the time, did not immediately understand Shen Congwen's words. She became angry and returned to Suzhou.

Gao Qingzi's impact happens to be a beautiful warm line, pasted on the shadow of Shen Congwen's pain. The obsession caused Shen Congwen to play down his tolerance for Zhang Zhaohe, and even left Zhang Zhaohe, who had just given birth to the eldest son, in Beiping and went to Kunming by himself. In Kunming, he met again with Gao Qingzi. Things that should have been tempered have once again set off a big wave.

However, Gao Qingzi's beautiful "rainbow" only illuminates one of Shen Congwen's weaknesses. There are more beautiful things to miss and look forward to in life. Just as Lin Huiyin wrote to Shen Congwen: Life without emotion is simply death. The emotions here not only shine in one place, but Shen Congwen slowly began to understand the meaning of life, choosing to completely break with this short-lived pleasure.

Lin Huiyin said: "To live, a life without emotions is simply death! Life must experience rich emotions, turn oneself into abundance, forgiveness, ability to understand, sympathize with all kinds of "human nature", be able to understand oneself, not Blame yourself, and don’t criticize others."

The preciousness of feelings cannot only be in the inability to forget extreme happiness and happiness. The most pleasant thing is that both parties have the most thorough understanding in life. It is the feeling that a word can penetrate into the heart of a person, and it is in the heart all the time. Shen Congwen realized the seriousness of the problem. He hurt his favorite person, so he not only expressed his apologies in later novels, but also said in a sincere manner: "Fighting with my own weaknesses, I have fought for ten Years.”

These ten years have been the ten years that Shen Congwen has suffered the most in his life. He stopped writing. In order to preserve his innocent ideals, he even tried suicide. Fortunately, he was discovered and saved in time.

It was not until the death of Shen Congwen that he was said "I'm sorry.""Includes the damage to Zhang Zhaohe caused by his own stubbornness.

Can a man make up for the mistakes he made because of love in his life? Yes, as long as you are willing to spend his life.

Shen Congwen in 1987, 1988 He was nominated for the Nobel Prize in Literature for two consecutive years, but in 1988, when the Swedish Academy of Letters called our embassy, ​​Shen Congwen’s identity and information had been buried forever.

At the memorial service, fans would cry. Zhang Zhaohe will persuade everyone: "Don't cry, he doesn't like people crying. _P1p

Shen Congwen's friend Ba ​​Jin Looking at his friend lying quietly, he said: "There is no tear, but the grief is in my heart. I also buried a part of myself." "_P1p

III. I understand you

Zhang Zhaohe looked at Shen Congwen's relics with tears, a thick stack of paper, she turned over carefully one by one, watching, tears could not help but fall.

Zhang Zhaohe, born in Hefei, is one of the four sisters of Hefei. Later, the Zhang family moved to No. 3 Jiuru Lane, Suzhou. As the third young lady of Zhang’s family, Zhang Zhaohe is one of the smartest and eager to learn. The most diligent talented woman. Ye Shengtao said that anyone who marries one of the four sisters in Jiuru Lane, Suzhou can be happy for a lifetime.

Zhang Zhaohe was very naughty when he was young, with a dark face and a chubby body. No Worry and sick.

No one plays with her, she is just a naughty person. Zhang Zhaohe said in "Childhood Miscellaneous Memories" that she is a girl destined to be unpopular, so she has trivial thoughts, freedom and no People are particularly concerned. Zhang Zhaohe is particularly independent, advocates justice, and hates bullying people.

Zhang Zhaohe has an innocent, straightforward, and kind character. She fell in love with Shen Congwen not because of a momentary impulse, but because of her own cognition. For love.

From a girl who is ignorant of love,As a housewife, Zhang Zhaohe dedicated his youth to Shen Congwen. The "frank" girl who always takes the first place in school, after being truly melted by love, is willing to endure all the difficulties.

Visitors from their home express their feelings to posterity. Coming to Shen Congwen's home will make people feel refreshed and comfortable. Shen Congwen and Zhang Zhaohe speak modestly and low-key. Although life is tight, they will still help literature lovers. On the road to literary creation, in turbulent times, these two people have to spend a large part of their income to fund the school.

For Zhang Zhaohe, love requires persistence and dedication.

He said about the difficulties his husband Shen Congwen once encountered: "The road is very difficult. I have never walked this road. I can't imagine what the situation is. It is always hard." She is trying to understand all the time. The difficulties encountered by the husband.

But Shen Congwen is not confused about the distraction of love. He left Shen Congwen in due course and returned to his hometown in Suzhou. During this period, he also asked relatives and friends to help solve the problem and find a good partner for Gao Qingzi.

On Shen Congwen's final life, Zhang Zhaohe needs to forgive his helplessness and silence. But Zhang Zhaohe did not nod. Although Shen Congwen said he left with regret, he still had the courage to say "I'm sorry." All are on paper. In the postscript of "Congwen Jiashu" published in 1995, Zhang Zhaohe especially wrote to let future generations understand a real Shen Congwen:

"Congwen gets along with me. In this life, is it happiness or misfortune? No answer I don’t understand him..... I really understand what he is, the pressure he has endured throughout his life, and he is compiling and editing his manuscripts. He is not perfect, but he is a rare and kind person. It’s too late! Why can't he discover him, understand him, and help him in all aspects during his lifetime, but there are so many contradictions that can't be resolved! It's too late to regret."

Late understanding can not heal the deep pain. "Remorse" cannot be fully let go, but it can also give birth to a new love in a person's heart.

In his later years, Zhang Zhaohe, apart from taking care of his granddaughter Shen Hong, did everything by himself. He likes to take care of his beloved exotic flowers and weeds. Among them, the "Forget-me-not" flower ranked first. Zhang Zhaohe gave it the evaluation: none He is also the supreme one in character.

There is such a legend behind Forget-me-not:

According to legend, a knight and his lover were dating by the river. The knight saw the blue flowers by the river. The lover liked it very much. The knight picked the flowers regardless of the danger, and fell into the river. When he was about to fall, he threw the flower to his lover and shouted: "Don't forget me". Since then, lovers will put flowers in their hair to commemorate their lovers.

Zhang Zhaohe put his love for Shen Congwen in the flowers and the manuscripts organized, and asked the next generation to continue to improve Shen Congwen's works.

In 2003, when Zhang Zhaohe died, someone asked her with a photo of Shen Congwen, but she could not name her vaguely.

What I can’t remember is whether I have selectively forgotten or deliberately bury the deep pain in my heart. These seem to be unimportant. Their love has been with each other from the beginning to the end, and only the experience is revealed Sincere and firm.

Love, what it is like, everyone understands differently.

But as long as you know how to use courage to pay for each other, it is enough.