At work, after being criticized by the leader, I feel uncomfortable and even doubt whether I am suitable for this job and whether I will not be able to do it well.
When children are doing their homework, they always go to the bathroom, drink water, and find books. They just don’t want to do their homework. They seem to challenge your patience every time. Faced with these things, will you be unable to control it? The fire suddenly comes up, and you will yell at the child.
Whether it is discomfort, doubting oneself, angry or irritable, they are all bad emotions and will bring us endless troubles.
So is there any simple way to get rid of negative emotions and have a happy life? Of course there is
. " Demolition of Your Emotional Mines " is such a highly operational manual. It has both simple and direct methods and simple and practical wisdom, which can make you have fewer negative emotions and happier work and life.
As the founder of rational emotional behavior therapy, Albert Ellis, a master of psychology, has devoted himself to psychological therapy for more than 60 years. More than 15,000 people suffering from emotional troubles have been cured. He regards his successful experience as a gift to the world. He believes that everyone can provide simple psychological self-help treatment to reduce various emotional troubles.
01 Adjust your mindset and change yourself
In fact, as an independent individual, each person will have natural and innate tendencies that make us feel anxious, depressed, angry or disgusted. However, we humans are born activists and always actively work hard to solve the difficulties encountered in life. Therefore, we can adjust our mindset and drive away negative emotions.
It is possible that when we were children, parents, teachers, and relatives would always say that we should focus on doing things. When we become parents and face our children, we will still say that we should focus on doing things. But today, I want to talk to you about - distracting , how to adjust your mindset and reject negative emotions by distracting your attention.
Ancient thinkers have realized that focusing on doing something can reduce anxiety and depression. For example, yoga, listening to music, reading and other activities that can distract yourself from your energy. These activities have their own meanings and can also distract you from being so anxious.
Here, I will introduce you to a relaxation practice technique: choose a word that makes sense to you, or imagine a scene that makes you relax the most, sit or lie in a comfortable position, close your eyes, relax your muscles, breathe slowly and naturally, focus on that word or scene, and not think about anything else. As long as you feel stressed or anxious, you can use this technique to practice for 5 minutes, 10 minutes or 20 minutes.
An An found that the best way to relax is when she lies on a comfortable chair, imagine herself in a sea of flowers, smelling the fragrance of flowers, and blowing the breeze. Therefore, whenever work makes her feel upset, she will use this method to calm herself down quickly and drive away those troubles that are coming.
is like An An. Because of some things, those bad emotions will come out soon. At this time, you will distract yourself and think about things that can relax more. You will find that being able to control your thoughts and feelings and gain a sense of accomplishment is really helpful.
. Do you distract yourself every time you encounter troubles, so you will not have any worries and negative emotions? Or, you might say that distraction and reducing worries are only temporary, so after that, aren’t there still worries?
Yes, distraction is just the first step we start to change, and we can only temporarily keep negative emotions out. To completely keep negative emotions out.
Then, the next second step is needed.
02. Starting from reality, look at it rationally. How do you understand this point of
? Take an example and you will understand.
Xiaojun likes basketball very much, but he never wants to watch the game on site because he always feels that a basketball will fly over and hit him. In fact, will basketball fly from the game venue to the audience? Of course, it will, but this is a probability event and not every game will happen. Let’s take a step back, even if a basketball flies to the audience, you can avoid or catch the ball by choosing a relatively safe position.
Xiaojun has communicated these things and understands that the basketball flew out and hit him, it is just a probability event. Even if he is hit, that is, his physical pain, he can still enjoy the passion of the competition and live happily. So when he rationally looks at the basketball game , he can enjoy the joy brought by the game, no longer worry or anxiety.
If you accept the fact that the universe is uncontrollable, you will greatly reduce your anxiety about danger. If you can accept the real dangers in your life, even if you sometimes feel physically uncomfortable, you can be mentally happy. What you are talking about with you above
is all about adjustments and changes in your own mentality. It may be because of inherent cognition and subconsciousness. Many times, you need some more thorough methods to reject negative emotions.
03. Refute negative thoughts
In fact, life is not smooth for everyone. There will be expectations fail, things will go against our wishes, and there will be loss and helplessness. No matter what situation or emotion, it is a part of our life. So, when you encounter trouble, what should you do to reduce your pain? Simply put, try not to think of trouble at the disadvantage. To do this, the first thing to do is to correctly view the troublesome things that have happened, or call it bad things that have happened.
In the desert area of the southwest United States, there is a little boy with a very miserable fate. Because of the death of his parents, he took on the burden of family life when he was 10 years old. The land left by my parents was also engulfed by the desert. The little boy's situation has reached the end of his life, with neither harvest nor food to fill his hunger. Faced with this dilemma, the little boy thought for a long time and decided to do something to change, rather than staying at home and waiting for the judgment of his destiny. Later, the little boy told himself that he would be a teacher and work hard for it.
The next day when the sun was rising, the little boy left home and went to the town to find a job with an extremely low salary, reading the borrowed books while working. No matter how bad the environment is, the little boy works actively and uses all his time to study after work. Many years later, he grew up to be a young man who mastered a lot of knowledge, applied for a job as a teacher in the town's primary school, and influenced many people with his perseverance.
In this way, the little boy grew from a person who was almost abandoned by fate to a promising young man who was beneficial to society.
When the little boy was 10 years old, he faced the misfortune of life, he did not complain or exile himself. Instead, accepting the established facts calmly and trying to find a solution, the fate of the future was later reversed. Just as Reinhold Nieble said: Give yourself the courage to change the misfortunes you can change, give yourself peace to accept what you cannot change, and give yourself the wisdom to understand the difference between the two. In this way, you will not be uneasy about the misfortunes or hardships encountered in life.
When we look at what has happened from a rational perspective, we often have new discoveries . When God closes a door, he will open another window. A rational view is another window that reduces worries.
We seem to be very rational, whether in life or work, always like to generalize from the side. For example, after interviewing several units without replying, he felt that he would not be able to find the job he wanted; after failing a few times, he felt that he would not succeed; when he saw that his child had to calculate simple addition and subtraction for a long time, he felt that he must be poor in his studies... These are all because of a point, which negates the excessive generalization of a side.
Camus 's novel " Outsider " tells the story of this: Mersau was inexplicably involved in a murder case. The judicial body responsible for the interrogation did not focus on investigating the entire murder case, but judged that he was a cold and ruthless demon by "he did not cry at his mother's funeral." One-sidedly sentenced to death by Meurso for something. The stories in the
novel sound ridiculous, but there are also similar things in reality.
For example, if you were a child, you secretly took the money from your family once and then you lost something at home in the future. The first person you may be suspicious of is you, regardless of whether you took it or not. Because he is introverted, he doesn't like to laugh or talk, when he gets along with others, he may be said to have a bad face and is difficult to get along with. Because a report missed some information and was criticized, he felt that he was useless and was a failure.
may be a mistake, a face, a mistake... Passively or proactively labeling yourself, which are particularly harmful manifestations of generalization. Of course, not all labels are harmful, and restrictive and generalized labels are what we should be careful about.
From another perspective, the generalized tag is caused by "concretization", which refers to the concretization of an imagination of a bad thing, equating the imagination with this thing. For example, if you think failure is terrible, when the imagination is concrete, you think that as long as you fail, it must be terrible. In fact, "terrible" is just one of your thoughts, but your thoughts and feelings will make failure very scary, and even cause behavior to change. You begin to be afraid of failure and feel that all failures are "terrible".
Therefore, if stops being concrete, you can tear off the tag and reduce troubles. Failure is just this time, and it is the preparation and effort made to welcome the next success.
As the saying goes: Eight out of ten things in life are unsatisfactory. What will you think when you encounter something unpleasant?
Let’s imagine a scene: I went out a few minutes late on Monday morning because I was wearing clothes, and I encountered the morning rush hour again, so I was late without any suspense. At this time, what is your first thought? Did the words suddenly appear, "Oh no, I'm late, I'll be finished if I'm seen by my boss?"
"Oh no" and "It's over", these catchphrases like words are almost part of our body. It seems that any unpleasant thing can be used to express all emotions. It is extremely bad to feel unpleasant or unhappy.
In fact, not all unpleasant things are extremely bad.
Previously, in an entertainment program, a scene of a boy and a girl dating was simulated. The girl said: If you don’t accompany me to the movies, I will break up with you. The boy said: If you break up, break up. The next girlfriend will be better, more well-behaved, and more considerate.
The breakup is unhappy and unhappy for the parties involved. Is that a terrible thing? Not necessarily, as the scene setting says, maybe the next person you are right.
Things have happened, and it is reasonable to exist. There are many things that are bad or very bad. These things are related to our interests, but no matter how bad they are, they are just some kind of bad luck, far from reaching a bad level. Just like being late for work, it’s just a reminder or criticized, just a matter of arriving early next time. The so-called "finished" and "bad" are all labels that we forcibly put on.
The unhappy thing is just because of bad luck. I believe that things are far from being extremely bad. If you try to change the situation of bad luck, things will be smooth and happiness will follow.
