Interview time: October 14, 2022
Interview location: Mental Health Center of De'an Hospital, Changzhou City
Psychological Counselor: Yang Lulu
Case Summary: The causes, practical significance of "word pleasing" and how to change excessive pleasing
Following common online culture symptoms such as "social phobia" and "popular rejection", "word pleasing" has also become a hot search. The so-called "text pleasing syndrome" means that when people chat online, they will carefully consider the words, understand the tone, and modify the expression. The most common thing is to add tone words or symbols such as "ha, la, da, yo, ~" at the end, such as "good" to "good", "good", "good"; change "received" to "received" and "received"; change "um" to "um", "hmm" to "um"" and "hmm"... to make the other party feel "more friendly and comfortable" when seeing the text.
Go with the flow or is it forced by the situation? The emergence of "text pleasing syndrome" has its background and opportunity. First of all, the way people communicate has changed, which is essentially a dilemma brought about by digital survival. In face-to-face communication, it is difficult to switch to the "pleasant" mode at will because of the objective presence of people. With the unprecedented development of social networks, the scope of connection between people is becoming wider and wider, and more and more content needs to be communicated in daily life. has become the norm for weak connection with , and language expression is becoming more cautious and polite. Most of the social chats in our daily lives are conducted on the Internet, and it is difficult to perceive the expressions and actions of the people behind the screen, so words with respect and pleasing meanings can indeed become one of the important ways to gain trust and enhance favorability.
At the same time, because everyone understands text differently, it is easy to have deviations and misunderstandings during the communication process. For example, some people understand "Oh" reply "Oh", while others think that this is the chat person's dissatisfaction or indifference. Words like "Okay" and "I know~" can not only make the other person feel friendly, but also create a positive image for yourself, thereby narrowing the distance from the chat partner. It can be said that the prevalence of "word pleasing" has greatly reduced the risk of unpleasant communication due to "not expressing the meaning of words".
In addition, in a complex social environment, we need to face different communication groups and scenarios, and "text pleasing" can play a "booster". For example, in the workplace situation, because of the existence of superiors and subordinates and Party A and B, in order to better promote the work process and show a full-hearted work attitude, we need to pay more attention to proportion and politeness. "Writing pleasing" has almost become the daily routine of every worker. When sharing daily life with friends, the reply "Good" is a little perfunctory, "Good!!!" can further highlight the strong recognition among friends and stimulate the other party's desire to share. Only when the boat of friendship can go further and further.
Of course, individuals may also be affected by the chatting methods of people around them, which is an imitation behavior. This imitation will gain a sufficient sense of security in the process of following the crowd and subtly influence the communication methods of modern people.
Involved or internal consumption?
"Text Pleasant Disease" has not been recognized by everyone, and some people have raised their own doubts: Isn't this behavior of catering to others a new type of involume ? Either you are exhausted or others are killed. Contemporary people who want to write everything will naturally not admit defeat in the "word pleasing syndrome". For example, "hahaha" is a sloppy deal, and "hahahahahahahaha" is really happy. Our threshold for pleasing words is constantly increasing, and using a few emojis and words to guess other people’s thoughts and emotions will also affect our own thoughts and emotions.Some people affect social efficiency and even lose their true self, causing serious mental distractions, and go further and further on the road to maintaining true and independent expression. Even if they think that every message they have been replied to perfectly, they will feel exhausted from socializing.
How can we use positive communication brought about by "text pleasing" in social networking without increasing mental internal friction?
1. Understand the internal mechanism of flattery
flattery is an external projection of the inner sense of valuelessness. In childhood, children adopt a flattery method and get attention by aggrieving themselves and catering to their parents' preferences. When this model is fixed, a habit will slowly form. In front of authority, boss, leaders, partners and friends, they will also wear the mask of a "good child" and cater to others in a flattery way.
2. Breaking the pleasing mode
We need to clean up the sadness, anger and pain we suppressed in our past, maintain a state of awareness in our daily life, use our " Third Eye ", look at ourselves in interpersonal relationships, and when we have a pleasing idea, or after a pleasing event, slowly realize that we have adopted a pleasing method to face the world, break this pleasing mode, and establish a new model.
1. Understand the internal mechanism of flattery
flattery is an external projection of the inner sense of valuelessness. In childhood, children adopt a flattery method and get attention by aggrieving themselves and catering to their parents' preferences. When this model is fixed, a habit will slowly form. In front of authority, bosses, leaders, partners and friends, they will also wear the mask of a "good child" and cater to others in a flattery way.
2. Break the pleasing mode
We need to clean up the sadness, anger and pain we suppressed in our past, stay aware in our daily life, use our "third eye", look at ourselves in interpersonal relationships, and when we have a pleasing idea, or after a pleasing event, slowly realize that we have adopted a pleasing method to face the world, break this pleasing mode, and establish a new model.
3. Learn to love yourself
Awareness is the beginning of growth, be aware of the self in your heart who longs for love but is always full of grievance, and then learn to accompany yourself, love yourself unconditionally, slowly accept yourself, soothe traumatic lack, gradually establish a new personality model, protect it to grow up healthily and align with social reality, and complete self-transformation. You can also ask for help from professionals to complete the transformation journey together.
4. Sincerity and respect
From the perspective of interpersonal psychology, respect is the basis for gaining trust and establishing good interpersonal relationships. Research in social psychology shows that sincerity and honesty are the most important and most popular traits of social stability. Disguise is essentially confused about social interaction. "Those who touch people with sincerity will respond with sincerity." Sincerity will definitely be perceived, and truth can always resonate. Only by being sincere and honest can we establish a relationship that is truly conducive to the common growth of both parties in social interaction.
has a wide range of personalities and different situations. Everyone has the freedom to "please words". This is understandable, and everyone also has the right not to please, and there is no need to follow the trend. Be down-to-earth, sincere and frank, reduce flattery, love yourself more
Yang Lulu
Master of psychology, National second-level psychological counselor , psychotherapist, family education instructor , intermediate social worker, assistant social work supervisor, Changzhou outstanding social worker.Mainly engaged in humanistic psychological treatment, sand table treatment, play therapy; specializes in children's psychology , parent-child relationship, family education , student psychology, learning disability , self-cognition (inferiority), stress management, emotional regulation, interpersonal relationships, emotional behavior management of children with ADHD.
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