Is it filial piety to send parents to nursing homes? Don’t persuade others to be kind to others without suffering

Article | Zhang Ping

Illustration | From the Internet

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In the impression of ordinary people, people in their later years are nothing more than choosing between three generations living together or entering a nursing home. The former is an old-age care method that has been maintained for many years, but many family conflicts have arisen from this. The latter is a new type of old-age care model, but it is not understood by many families and even rejected by many elderly people.

However, it is inevitable that every family has to face the issue of providing for the elderly. So the problems before everyone are basically the same: where to provide for the elderly, who will take care of them, and who will bear the expenses?

Huang Bo talked about his father for the first time in the variety show "Forget the Restaurant" featuring an old man with Alzheimer's disease.

Huang Bo's father has entered the advanced stage of Alzheimer's disease, and the treatment method has no effect. When he returned home, his father treated him politely as his old comrade-in-arms. It wasn't until the ill father lost that once, Huang Bo began to rethink how to deal with his father's pension problem. After careful consideration, Huang Bo decided to send his father to a nursing home, where his father can get better care of . But as a public figure, he is also a little worried. Others' comments flashed in his mind:

Huang Bo is now rich and status, regardless of his family? Instead of taking care of him personally, he sent his father to a nursing home like a burden?

However, considering the nature of his job and the comparison between the family's ability to take care of and the ability and environment of the nursing home, Huang Bo still feels that his father will live more comfortably in the nursing home.

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has a neighbor with good family conditions, but there is a "Su Daqiang" father at home.

This old man has been served by his wife all his life. After the death of his wife, he first clamored to live with his second son in good conditions, but the second son and the couple were busy at work and no one was accompanied. After he disturbed the chance of promotion for his daughter-in-law, Seeing that the atmosphere at home was not right, he went to live with the elder son again.

The eldest son’s home conditions are average. He used to live in the same house with his little grandson, but the child didn’t say anything. He started to clamor for the eldest son to change the house and change the three-room. He wanted to live in a big room with a sunny side because of his poor health. .

pretended to be sick, went on a hunger strike, and went to the house without changing the house. Neither of the two sons could afford the price of living with their father, and finally negotiated to jointly fund the father to the nursing home.

When he heard it, he cried first, and then he picked one with good conditions and expensive. The two sons gritted their teeth to satisfy her wish, but he even said that he complained about the unfilial piety of the two sons. Later, relatives accused the two sons face to face, and the two sons asked him to come back to live there, but he refused.

In "Thirty Only", Gu Jia's father thinks differently from the average old man. It is clear that his daughter's living conditions are very good, and he lives in a mansion and has a nanny to wait for him. Living in is just another pair of chopsticks. But he was stubborn and insisted not to trouble his children.

Gu Jia is uneasy that his poorly-healthy dad will live alone and asks for surveillance, but Gu's father feels that he is safe to monitor. He has no freedom under other people's "surveillance"; if he wants to hire a nanny, he feels lonely. It is not convenient to live in the same room.

In the end, he insisted on going to a nursing home. He had three meals a day to take care of and accompanied by his peers, which made his life comfortable. I also tried my best not to affect my daughter's small family.

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is the influence of traditional ideas. In most people's consciousness, the old age with children is happy. No matter what the circumstances are to be sent to a nursing home, the old age is also bleak. And the spectators around you will not take into account your family situation. The first thing that comes to mind is the unfilial piety of your children.

"Cannot Forget the Restaurant" Professor Zhong Lijuan explained to us: filial piety and Shun are linked together, how to be filial, as long as you can follow the elderly, it is filial. Regarding the issue of living in nursing homes, we must first respect the wishes of the elderly.

Many people’s minds cannot be changed. They think that only living in their children’s home is worthy of face. There are also some children who ignore their parents’ opinions and insist on letting their parents live in their own homes. In fact, this is caused by the inability to change their concepts. of.

After all, the times have changed. It is the best way of life not to bother other people. Of course, children must also fulfill their obligations. If they cannot live in a nursing home, they must be judged according to the personal family situation.

What people fear most in their old age is to look at other people's faces in life. Even if people are worried about food and clothing, but they are panicked, it is not a good life.

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About the author: Zhang Ping, psychological counselor, marriage and family counselor, well-known emotional self-media. I have wine, do you have a story?