The trauma brought by betrayal in marriage is not only the betrayal itself, but also the aggravation of our own sense of powerlessness and weakening our inner strength.
The betrayal of the person next to you can easily make you feel that even the last little trust and dependence has disappeared in your vast life. Many people will tell you that it makes you feel isolated and helpless.
In the most serious case, the blow of cheating is enough to make people lose hope for the future.
For example, a woman I recently saw in a sudden family change raised the question online: I have been cheating on my husband for twenty years. Will I still have a future after divorce?
She said that she originally had a harmonious and warm little family, her husband had a successful career, and her children were smart and obedient, and outsiders were envious of them.
But after the child gets sick, the beauty of the past collapses completely.
Several years ago, her son was diagnosed with depression . The heartbroken mother has since been running between school, family and hospital, confirming the treatment plan over and over again.
In order to devote herself to the treatment of her child, she even gave up her career and took the initiative to retreat to her free position.
At the same time, the child's father disagreed with the treatment of , believing that depression is nothing more than the child's weakness, sneered at his wife's actions of spending a lot of money and energy, and even refused to provide financial support.
The huge psychological and financial pressure almost made her collapse, and the differences in her children also made the relationship between husband and wife almost break.
At this critical moment, the man cheated with his colleagues in the unit. He was unwilling to pay for his child to treat his child, but he was willing to spend money to take the third party's child out to play.
After discovering the betrayal, the two of them trotted several times in order to divorce. In the end, she was so unbearable that she would rather share her property than leave the man.
After the divorce, the man regretted it again. He verbally said that he wanted to return, but invited other women online, spending a lot of money to buy this and that to please others, without any serious repentance. She was so angry that she told the woman about her ex-husband’s background, but the man argued that they had divorced and that they had nothing to do with them now.
She said that she is now forty-eight years old and still raises two children. Although she lives a worry-free life, she has no hope for love and no confidence in the future...
Does a woman who has been betrayed like me have a future?
For this question, I want to say:
A woman who has suffered a cheating at the age of 48 and has exhausted both physically and mentally and forty years of marriage does sound quite desperate.
can be viewed from a different perspective?
You are also a great mother who supports your son through the trough. You have gotten rid of the unworthy ex-husband and gained complete freedom. You have a worry-free future for economic independence. You can live whatever you want in the future!
Whether a person has a future depends on the perspective you view yourself.
In my opinion, if you insist on saying that anyone has no future, it should be this man, definitely not you.
Life has given you a common big problem for both of you. Although there are many hardships, you still give an answer with a clear conscience. The insights and experiences you gain from will be internalized into your strength in your future life.
does not defeat your hardships, it will only make you stronger.
On the other hand, when your ex-husband is in deep pain when his flesh-to-heart son is in deep pain, he not only will he escape and laugh at you who are trying to think about your children, but he even betrayed you mother and son, adding insult to the disaster in this family.
If you want to say that this man is selfish, it is just a despised person. But he was unsure of his choice and was not decent as a bad person!
Sometimes you want to get divorced, sometimes you want to get back together, and sometimes you pursue a woman who doesn’t know the truth...
All of this reflects his escape nature. It’s hard to say whether he can share wealth and prosperity. In short, you must not expect a couple to share hardships.
As a father, he was unwilling to accept his son's illness and chose to escape by refusing to treat his child.
In his delusion, as long as he continues to deny this reality, maybe one day the originally smart and studious child will come back.
As a husband, he refuses to accompany you through difficulties and chooses to indulge in the hypocritical "land of gentleness" of third parties to escape reality.
He made excuses for himself, saying that it was because he felt wronged and uncomfortable because he was not understood by you, and needed the comfort of a third party. But at that time, you were exhausted physically and mentally and urgently needed understanding and company. You did not succumb to negative emotions like him, but stick to the principles.
As an ex-husband who is seeking reunion, he also refused to face his faults and had to just walk on a few boats to escape the current situation that no one wanted.
He may also think he is very smart, and he looks for a newcomer while hanging his ex-wife, but you reveal the truth and messed up both ends.
At every fork in his life, he chose to escape and choose to fall downwards ... and finally his wife and children were separated, and his family property was cheated by untrustworthy women. What future can a man like
have?
is the exact opposite of this cowardly man. When you fall on the bumpy road of life, you do not blame others or avoid problems.
You make choices quickly and become a strong backing for your child to help him overcome the trough of growth; although you are reluctant to part with your 20-year marriage, and realize that your ex-husband can no longer cooperate, you also have the determination to break if you want.
If you have the courage to face the trough of life, you will be able to open up a bright future for you.
There are countless children on the Internet who think they have suffered from their native family. I am sure they have all dreamed of having a firm and gentle mother like you support me to get out of depression.
There are too many parents who regard their children's depression as "pretentious" and "not motivated", do not want to update their ideas or seek medical treatment for their children, but only want to use more severe reprimands to discipline their children, and try to turn their children back into "normal people" in this way.
It is really rare for a mother who is willing to understand her son's pain from an equal perspective and communicate with the people around him to understand his world.
I believe your son understands how lucky it is to have you.
This also shows the precious traits you have: In a relationship, you are willing to try your best to understand and accept each other and be a reliable pillar in the most difficult times.
Your ex-husband doesn't cherish you is his loss, not yours.
Think about it, what you lose is just someone who is no longer "perfect" biological son, while what your ex-husband loses is a virtuous wife who is capable of sincerely caring for, caring for her partner, and sharing hardships.
What you throw away is the shackles that bind you, and what you get is the infinite possibilities of the future.
But on the other hand, I also understand very well why you are so easily trapped in self-doubt and confusion.
The long-term social culture has always described cheating men as "winners in life" who are embracing each other, and regards the victims as abandoned resentful women. Countless rumors tell you: the cheating people are failures, lack sexual charm, and do not do well enough...
This is all complete slander and misunderstanding.
says that once a woman loses her attractiveness, men are prone to cheating, but the party at the cheating fault is just quibbling, unwilling to take responsibility and face their own mistakes.
As long as two people live together, the freshness will definitely disappear. The two people will definitely become more and more familiar with each other. If women will lose their charm to their partners in this process, will men not?
Could it be that the man dominated a refrigerator to keep it fresh forever, but kicked his wife out?
Years never treat differently based on gender. If you inevitably no longer shine in a long-term relationship, then your partner will still be old.
The reason why one cheated on him and the other did not is because the couple had different requirements for themselves and their moral bottom lines were different.
If he is a decent person, even if he feels that his partner has lost his attractiveness, he will not cheat. He will consider how to properly solve this problem:
is to improve his ability to manage his marriage and make his husband and wife lively again?
Or can you make yourself more sensitive and discover new fun from the tacit understanding between the two?
or lead by example and encourage your partner to change in a better direction and shine again?
…
There are clearly all the avenues leading to Rome, but some people have to drill into the gutter. This can only blame the cheating person himself.
No matter whether you and your ex-husband have divorced or not, whether you can understand this truth is his own problem, and you should not bear this heavy cross.
If you want to get out of the shadow of betrayal, you must get rid of self-depreciation and re-understand your strengths. The betrayal of others cannot define the life of the victim. You need to believe from the bottom of your heart that you are worthy of being loved and worthy of being better.
You can try to start from these points:
01 Correct Attribution , don't take the blame for yourself
In order to gain a sense of control in a turbulent life, some victims will unconsciously regard themselves as the origin of all disasters.
You may not be able to help but think:
If I noticed his transformation at that time, would I be able to extinguish the signs of cheating early?
If I can handle it more easily, will he not cheat?
If only I had done this, it would have been my fault...
First of all, you must realize that you do not have the ability to control everyone's life, and you will always be the only one who can save yourself.
How will the surrounding environment change and how the people around you decide to do it, these are not something you can control.
He failed to deal with the temptation and chose to cheat, which only shows that he lacked the patience and sincerity to run a marriage, and it was definitely not your fault, and there was no need for you to take the blame on yourself.
Some people can get better with your encouragement, that's great, which shows that they have the ability to be good.
Some people don’t have this mind and just keep intoxicated, so they can only go.
Bodhisattvas can only save those who are destined to be, let alone you and me who only live an ordinary life?
02 Set new standards and no longer be influenced by the other party
When facing cheating, many victims will subconsciously equate "the other party chooses a third party" and "I am not worthy of being loved by my partner", putting the other party as a judge in his own value system, and his mind is affected by the other party's likes and dislikes.
He shows kindness and wants to return, you feel that everything is saved ;
He is swaying and looking for a new love, You feel that there is no hope for the future...
Is this really good?
It was him who betrayed the marriage and derogated the relationship between you, but these evil deeds made him sit on the judges' seat. Are you qualified to be picky about you?
He did not cherish you because he did not understand your goodness. If you judge yourself according to the other party's standards, you will definitely not see hope no matter how you look at it.
You need to uproot this old standard and put yourself back to the center of the universe. From today on, everything is based on your own feelings as the standard, see your own strengths, and see all the benefits in yourself that are worthy of love by others.
has said so much, and my central idea is summed up: Never underestimate yourself just because the other party betrays you.
The mistake he made will only devalue himself and smear him on his face. What does it have to do with you?
He betrayed, and you don’t, you should be glorious for your beautiful qualities of sticking to principles.
Don't let your future be bound by people who are not worth it.
When your future is in your own hands, you can see the infinite hope hidden in it.
