Keigo Higashino in " Grocery Store " wrote: "How fragile is the bond between people."
When we get along with outsiders, maybe we will be "betrayed" by others after a while; when we get along with relatives, maybe we still need to be tolerant and be angry, and we will not be happy at all.
Why do we still need to be tolerant and to be angry when we get along with our relatives? We need to look at this problem dialectically.
Some relatives are kind and know how to be grateful, so we will get along with them more relaxed and we will feel particularly happy. If some relatives do not know how to be human, they will embarrass us.
Relatives who "do not know how to be a human being" all have this characteristic, that is, they are used to treating outsiders as treasures and treating the people around them as grass. To put it bluntly, they like to be stingy and have a particularly bad attitude towards people around them.
From a theoretical perspective, this should not happen to relatives who are related to us. But in fact, there are actually quite a lot of people who are "trampling on the inside". The magic of reality often exceeds our imagination.
A person always treats outsiders as treasures and relatives as grass. Then he has these three mentalities.
1. The mentality of looking down on the people around you.
There is a very interesting phenomenon: You earn 100,000 yuan, and your relatives around you will not think you are very awesome. Once an outsider earns 100,000, his relatives around him think that others are particularly good.
Many people don’t understand why this “distorted” mentality occurs? In fact, it can be summarized in one sentence. Some of your relatives generally look down on you.
For example, if you are your daughter-in-law, you not only have to work outside, but also do housework at home, anyway, you are very tiring. But your mother-in-law is still not very satisfied with you, always dislikes you, and even treats you very well.
On the contrary, she praised other people's daughter-in-law, and she especially liked it even if it was something that others did not do well. You don’t know if your mother-in-law is deliberately targeting you.
To be honest, human nature has weaknesses. If you find out the details of the people around you, then you will have no sense of mystery. It is natural to just pick it up or look down on it.
On the contrary, they don’t have much contact with outsiders, and they think that “other people” are good people. Who can change this weakness of human nature? Perhaps, they can't even recognize their own mistakes.
2. The mentality of "far, fragrant, smelly, and smelly".
Someone has put forward this view:
People get along with each other is like eating vegetables. You eat steak all day, and after a while, you will hate steak. Looking at the dining table next door, full of dry bread, you want to eat white bread .
Could it be that this dry white bread is better than steak? In fact, the former is not as good as the latter, and is just that you feel tired of eating too much steak.
There is such a family where the son is very filial, very kind to his parents, and he also pays and works hard to take care of his parents. Where are the parents? I always like to pick bones in eggs and make things difficult for my son from time to time.
The son was also very confused. I have achieved this. Why did my parents ignore my efforts and even let my heart down? Later, he discovered that his parents always believed that the children of his colleagues were considered filial sons.
Just imagine, your parents are often taken care of by you, and Then they take your efforts for granted. and they are not taken care of by other people's sons, so isn't it natural for them to develop the mentality of "other people's sons are good"?
Whether it is an elder, a child, or a grateful heart. not all efforts are taken for granted.
3. A gentle and arrogant attitude towards life.
has such a word - Wuliheng. The general meaning is that you dare to be arrogant at home and lose your temper at home. He basically didn't say a word to outsiders and did not dare to offend them.
There is a saying that is very realistic. You are aggressive at home and like a quail outside. Although these words
are a little sarcastic and not very nice, they are the reality in life. How many people can maintain a gentle temper at home and be nice to their loved ones?
The family lives under the same roof, but there are actually good and bad things. The advantage is that relatives can meet frequently and contact each other frequently. The disadvantage is that when you see too many, conflicts arise and disgust arise.
The closer the two people get, then they will only see each other's shortcomings, but not the other's strengths. The next moment, someone will definitely have an outrageous temper and cause harm to the people around you.
The reason why the arrogant mentality in the nest is related to the pressure of life and the distance between people is too close.
Written to the end
A person treats outsiders as treasures and relatives as grass means that he is not a grateful person and will only indulge his own human weaknesses.
To put it bluntly, people like don’t even have a trace of “repaying kindness”, as if they are living like ungrateful wolves.
Followers are sincere to us, so we should be sincere to them. Why do we have to be too harsh on them and even put our temper on them? This is a bit irrelevant.
A truly smart person will never point his finger at his relatives, but only at outsiders. Because they know that outsiders are the most unreliable. Only relatives are worth cherishing for the rest of their lives.
text/Shushan Youlu
