If you love someone but don’t get a response, will you devote yourself to the eternal pursuit without hesitation?
In the movie " Letter from a strange woman ", "Strangered woman" played by Xu Jinglei chose the affirmative answer.
She fell in love with her in a tragic life and was unable to get the attention of her lover until her death.
"I love you, it has nothing to do with you."
Maybe this kind of love has nothing to do with infatuation, romance, or persistence;
There are only deep obsession with the self that has not been realized...
I love you all my life, but you don't know who I am
3 years old, she fell in love with a writer.
Just one glance, she decided: "No woman loves you so wholeheartedly like me."
At that time, she was still living in a slum area. Her father died early and her mother raised her alone.
She yearns for beauty in her hard life.
She likes to wear clean and beautiful clothes and keep herself elegant.
She also likes to read, and the old books at home are almost broken by her, but they are still regarded as treasures.
One day, a writer moved into her next door and brought her ideal life into reality.
The writer has a lot of beautiful books and many high-end furniture. These things emit a charming light in this shabby alley.
"I have no experience and no preparation, and fell into my life, like falling into an abyss."
She indulged in secret love without reservation and believed that this was love.
But in fact, she just saw an ideal life in the writer, and built a perfect self on it. The combination of the two makes her emotions become more and more enthusiastic, and finally she is deeply projected on the writer. This projection of
is actually a kind of narcissism.
This kind of narcissism, does not mean that a person only loves himself or worships himself, but considers the problem and takes what he thinks is the truth of the facts.
In short, it is "self-righteous".
is like a strange woman. Her starting point may be "I am pursuing emotion, innocence and love", but this kind of search cannot tolerate any "imperfection".
She hopes that the writer can take the initiative to see her and fall in love with her, and regard her as the only one. If the writer cannot do it, then she would rather choose silence to protect the "perfect love" in her imagination.
Days passed day by day, and the girl had not had time to leave traces in the world of writers, so she went to Shandong with her remarried mother.
Stepfather treated her very well and her life became rich, but she still couldn't forget the figure of a writer. The wish that
failed to realize has fatal magic.
So, she tried her best to be admitted to the Peking Women's Normal School and returned to the writer alone.
This year, she was 18 years old and completed the transformation from a girl to a woman;
has a slim figure and a smile as beautiful as a flower, which has successfully attracted the attention of the writer.
The woman was so excited. She thought that tolerance had brought hope and waited for ideal love.
Unexpectedly, after a few days of passion, the writer easily let her down, and she didn't even remember her name, so she turned around and threw herself into another embrace.
At this time, the woman found out that she was pregnant with the writer's child, but she chose to keep silent.
Because of powerful narcissism, she is reminding her: If you say it out, love becomes a threat and everything will be imperfect.
She chose to leave with her child and take on everything alone.
In order to give the child a better life, she became a drink girl who makes money quickly.
She said, "Everyone can take me away.”
As long as she can provide the material and money needed, she doesn’t care who the other party is.
The woman imposed the projection on the writer on the child, believing that in this way, the link with the writer can be maintained.
Until the end, the child was seriously ill and was unable to cure and died in her arms. This only link broke.
In despair, the woman chose to end her life.
and sent a letter to the writer before her death, and wrote sadly: "I am the only one, and you know nothing. "
Until the last moment of life, women could not see narcissism clearly.
What she pursued for her life was not a writer, but an illusory self.
illusion made her unable to see the truth clearly and could not live in the present, so she had a sad ending.
Like a strange woman, another woman also pursued her life for love.
But her ending had a slight change because of her self-awareness.
I love you, but I love the vibrant self more
In the movie "The Millennium Actress", the heroine Chiyoko also fell in love with someone when she was young and pursued her life for love.
That day, the painter was being chased by someone, and Chiyoko helped him out of sympathy.
She helped the painter heal and chatted with him. The painter told her that her hometown was very beautiful: "In that pure white scenery, I felt like I was in a different world. "
Chiyoko felt yearning after hearing this, and she also developed a love for the gentle painter.
In order to escape, the painter could only leave in a hurry.
Before leaving, he left Chiyoko a key as a token, and agreed to take her to see the snow scene in his hometown.
In fact, before meeting the painter, Chiyoko was attracted by a production company and wanted to invite her to make a movie.
Chiyoko wanted to go very much, but because of her mother's objection, she didn't dare to make up her mind.
At that time, she didn't understand, making movies everywhere and going to the vast world to watch At first glance, it was her wish deep in her heart.
The appearance of the painter was just a fuse, igniting Chiyoko's inner passion.
It seems that what she is chasing love, but in fact it is chasing more possibilities of herself.
In order to find a painter, she chose to disobey her mother and embark on the road of acting;
and with a token, she placed her feelings for the painter in various roles she played.
The princess who died for love, the infatuated geisha , the imprisoned prisoner, the brave astronaut... Every interpretation is full of spirit It's shocking.
As her fame grows, Chiyoko is getting more and more sad.
Because she has not seen the painter again in the long-term pursuit.
Until one day, Chiyoko returns to her hometown again.
In the ruins after the war, she found a portrait of herself.
It was the work left by the painter in the warehouse.
Did not find the painter, but Chiyoko "meets" her vibrant self again.
Looking back on the past Chiyoko finally realized that the pursuit of the painter allowed her to maintain strong vitality unconsciously. Behind the pursuit of
Behind the pursuit is an infinitely close self.
In that turbulent era, everyone was doing their best to live, and Chiyoko's movies inspired and inspired people again and again.
She tried her best to shine, becoming the "Hepburn" of Japan and the dazzling light in the eyes of the people.
Chiyoko spent a wonderful life. At the last moment of her life, she lay on the hospital bed and was interviewed by reporters.
The reporter was very sorry because the painter had long died.
Ko Chiyoko's face, but she had no regrets, but said relievedly: "After all, what I really like is pursuing that person's self."
This is the difference between Chiyoko and strange women.
is also a pursuit. Strange women never understand until they die that what they are chasing is just a phantom;
Chiyoko accepts "narcissism", grows up with her real self, and achieves an extraordinary life.
True love needs to break narcissism and meet again
In fact, each of us has narcissism.
psychologist Kohute said: "Narcissism is actually the general essence of human beings, and everyone is essentially narcissistic. Narcissism is a true sense of self-worth generated by competent experience, and a real feeling of thinking that one is worth cherishing and protecting."
Good narcissism makes us love ourselves more and contact the truth, so it is full of strength and vitality;
But unhealthy narcissism, will make us over-centered and project our own cognition to the outside world.
If we are in a relationship, we still maintain unhealthy narcissism, and we will subconsciously think that our partner “should” respond as we expect.
I have seen a couple trapped in "narcissism" and quarrels constantly.
One day, the husband worked overtime very late and went home. As soon as he entered the door, his wife scolded him: "Do you know you're back. I didn't cook dinner today, so you can eat whatever you want."
The husband felt inexplicable: "If you didn't do it, you didn't do it, I can order takeaway."
The wife became popular and said sarcastically: "Then you order it, who told you to marry a wife who doesn't care about others?"
This time the husband became even more confused and became popular. The two soon had a big fight.
Why does this couple do this?
It turned out that my wife was cleaning housework at home to take care of the children. She was so tired that she really didn’t have the energy to cook dinner, but she refused to let herself go. She kept thinking in her heart:
"I didn’t cook, he must be dissatisfied with me, and he would get angry as soon as he got home."
The more my wife thought about it, the more angry her, so when she saw her husband, she couldn’t help but lose her temper.
Look, the wife "narcissistic" believes that the husband will not care about her, but will only blame her; the husband also "narcissistic" believes that the wife does not understand herself, but will only make trouble.
Both of them only look at each other from their own perspective, but at the same time ignore the needs behind each other.
This is the harm brought by "narcissism".
Therefore, in relationships, "breaking narcissism" is our compulsory homework.
Narcissism is trying to incorporate others into their own system and let the other party change according to their own ideas;
Love is willing to incorporate themselves into the other party's system, change themselves for this purpose, become open and free;
The so-called true love is that two people walk out of their respective systems and then meet again in reality.
Only truth can bring intimacy.
Real meaning two points: Accept yourself and accept the other party.
admit that the other party will have shortcomings and limitations, and you can't guess what you are thinking; admit that you are not omniscient, let go of your posture, and communication will proceed smoothly.
At any time, take out your true self and exchange it with the other party, and after the baptism of time, you will naturally achieve a continuous leap in the tempering of your personal realm.
This is the career, this is the hobby, and the emotions are the same.
Dear, the key to whether a person’s life is “abundant” lies in whether we can establish a real relationship with everything around us.
The perfect world centered on you must be an illusion. Only by breaking the illusion can we live a real life and love deeply.
Go and chase the truth, don’t get stuck in the perfect illusion shell. Only by walking out of it can we gain true happiness.
planning | Liuji
editing | Yutian
