Recently, There is a "social ability rehabilitation group" on Douban , which is very popular, and it is full of people who are suffering from social troubles.
Someone complained that they could not speak and accidentally offended people.
Some people complain that the people around them seem to be very affectionate and cannot feel any warmth at all.
Indeed, most of the troubles in life come from interpersonal relationships.
No matter who you are, no matter how successful and status you have, you cannot avoid dealing with people.
Good relationships can make people live comfortably and happily, but otherwise it will make people's lives messy.
Today, I will bring you some social suggestions shared by People's Daily .
Learn to throw away these 6 things and you can build comfortable interpersonal relationships.
01
Discard excessive sensitivity
Do you belong to such a person in life?
Friends did not reply to your message in time, and you guessed that there was a problem with the relationship;
colleagues did not call you at the party, and they suspected that they had offended them;
The boss criticized you a few words, and felt that the other party was targeting him.
In fact, the uneasiness in your mind is just an illusion of self-weaving.
When interacting with people, this excessive sensitivity often makes you fall into anxiety and become cautious.
A friend told me something.
Once, when a colleague was talking to her, his voice became a little louder, and his tone was mixed with a little impatientness.
For this reason, she tossed and turned to sleep for several nights, repeatedly pondering the expressions of her colleagues at that time.
For several days, she was troubled by this incident, and there seemed to be a stone in her heart, which made her breathless. When she communicated with her colleagues afterwards, she became timid and afraid of being disliked.
result She later found out that her colleague was just because his father was seriously ill and in a bad mood that day, so he had no intention of targeting him.
In life, many people care very much about the words and expressions of others.
If someone else's tone is a little bit harsh and his expression is a little ugly, a turmoil will arise in our hearts and subconsciously think that they hate themselves.
So when you get along with others, you become more and more restrained and unnatural, until you feel grudges.
Luo Xiang once said that In the eyes of outsiders, you are not as important as you imagined. Your worries are all added to yourself.
Adult social interaction is complicated and you should maintain appropriate insensitivity and filter out those irrelevant details.
When you put away your sensitive tentacles and don’t think or guess randomly, life will naturally become simple.
02
dip stereotype
There is a noun in psychology called "stereotype" .
When we interact with others, it is easy for us to have stereotypes because we don’t understand deeply enough.
So I was full of prejudice against others and labeled them casually and defined them.
Harvard University President Lawrence Baco Talk talked about his real experience.
When Lawrence first went to college, he met a roommate Allen.
Allen was sloppy in the dormitory, and his clothes were not changed for many days;
And he also turned on the speaker to the maximum, completely ignoring the feelings of others.
Lawrence thought Allen was very poor and had a bad personality.
But after spending some time together, Lawrence found that his previous thought was wrong.
Lawrence was not good at the beginning of his academic performance, so Allen took the initiative to tutor his homework.
Allen likes reading, so he takes him to read and discuss his experiences with him. Recently, There is a "social ability rehabilitation group" on Douban , which is very popular, and it is full of people who are suffering from social troubles. Someone complained that they could not speak and accidentally offended people. Some people complain that the people around them seem to be very affectionate and cannot feel any warmth at all. Indeed, most of the troubles in life come from interpersonal relationships. No matter who you are, no matter how successful and status you have, you cannot avoid dealing with people. Good relationships can make people live comfortably and happily, but otherwise it will make people's lives messy. Today, I will bring you some social suggestions shared by People's Daily . Learn to throw away these 6 things and you can build comfortable interpersonal relationships. 01 Discard excessive sensitivity Do you belong to such a person in life? Friends did not reply to your message in time, and you guessed that there was a problem with the relationship; colleagues did not call you at the party, and they suspected that they had offended them; The boss criticized you a few words, and felt that the other party was targeting him. In fact, the uneasiness in your mind is just an illusion of self-weaving. When interacting with people, this excessive sensitivity often makes you fall into anxiety and become cautious. A friend told me something. Once, when a colleague was talking to her, his voice became a little louder, and his tone was mixed with a little impatientness. For this reason, she tossed and turned to sleep for several nights, repeatedly pondering the expressions of her colleagues at that time. For several days, she was troubled by this incident, and there seemed to be a stone in her heart, which made her breathless. When she communicated with her colleagues afterwards, she became timid and afraid of being disliked. result She later found out that her colleague was just because his father was seriously ill and in a bad mood that day, so he had no intention of targeting him. In life, many people care very much about the words and expressions of others. If someone else's tone is a little bit harsh and his expression is a little ugly, a turmoil will arise in our hearts and subconsciously think that they hate themselves. So when you get along with others, you become more and more restrained and unnatural, until you feel grudges. Luo Xiang once said that In the eyes of outsiders, you are not as important as you imagined. Your worries are all added to yourself. Adult social interaction is complicated and you should maintain appropriate insensitivity and filter out those irrelevant details. When you put away your sensitive tentacles and don’t think or guess randomly, life will naturally become simple. 02 dip stereotype There is a noun in psychology called "stereotype" . When we interact with others, it is easy for us to have stereotypes because we don’t understand deeply enough. So I was full of prejudice against others and labeled them casually and defined them. Harvard University President Lawrence Baco Talk talked about his real experience. When Lawrence first went to college, he met a roommate Allen. Allen was sloppy in the dormitory, and his clothes were not changed for many days; And he also turned on the speaker to the maximum, completely ignoring the feelings of others. Lawrence thought Allen was very poor and had a bad personality. But after spending some time together, Lawrence found that his previous thought was wrong. Lawrence was not good at the beginning of his academic performance, so Allen took the initiative to tutor his homework. Allen likes reading, so he takes him to read and discuss his experiences with him. Later, the two became friends who could talk about everything. stereotype is a pair of tinted glasses, and you can't see the true colors of others when you put them on. Anyone who likes you is right to say anything; while those who hate it are wrong to do anything. Results During the communication process, diaphragms are erected invisibly, blocking people. Some sociologists have said that stereotypes determine whether a person can have a good popularity in social interactions. The only way to let go of prejudice, abandon previous inherent ideas, and uphold one's sincerity to communicate with others. This is how you can see through people's hearts and gain true feelings in complex social interactions. 03 did not blocked Many people have this habit in their lives. As soon as someone else finished speaking, no matter whether it was right or wrong, you couldn't wait to answer a sentence; Someone clearly had failed, but you showed off your success in person; Others had known you for a short time, and if you didn't understand each other, you would just joke around. Like these words, they are never true temperament, but selfish without literacy. Host Liang Hongda once talked about an experience of a friend on the show. A friend built a three-story villa in the suburbs. According to the customs of the north, he invited relatives and friends to attend the banquet for the housewarming in his new home. At the dinner table, in order to congratulate others, others said a few nice words of compliment. Only one of them said, "Your big villa is so high. If it collapses, how many people will be killed?" After hearing this, my friend's face changed immediately, and the dining table became quiet, and the others remained silent. Later, my friend gradually alienated him and stopped dealing with him. has been struggling in society for many years, and has become more and more convinced of the same sentence: "A person who speaks without any restraint is either a person who is not very knowledgeable or is simply bad." The so-called straightforward words, but he is unwilling to spend time thinking about the other person's feelings. In essence, it is a kind of sarcasm. People get along with people, sometimes it is better to think twice before talking. Obedient and speaking with great care. People who can speak know how to pause before opening their mouths. If you have more empathy, you will feel more warm. 04 lose invalid social On Zhihu, I saw a question: "What are the cruel truths in life?"
One of the praises is: "In social interaction between adults, 99% of the efforts and investment are useless."
Many people have always pursued a lot of friends, but in fact, friends are more expensive than essence.
Writer Li Shanglong once said in the book that when he was in college, he was a very obsessed with social interaction.
He devotes a lot of time and energy to dinner parties every day, and he also has many contact information of great people and big names.
even he regards the number of retained calls from others as capital to show off.
He often gives gifts to these people and chats with them, thinking that everyone has a good relationship.
Until he graduated from college, he encountered work problems.
When he asked someone for advice, he found that no one of the so-called great friends was willing to help him, and they just dealt with it perfunctorily.
Since then, he has stopped attending unnecessary banquets and has only contacted a few friends.
I once read a passage that makes sense:
invalid "friends" are like extra items. They seem to exist in reality, but in fact they are useless at all.
will only occupy your space and disturb your world so crowded.
There are many such "ineffective" friends in life.
When you entertain guests, you come earlier than anyone else; but when you are in trouble, you hide farther than anyone else.
Instead of spending time on unnecessary social interaction, it is better to focus on making friends.
After all, true heart is only worth keeping in the right place, for those who understand us.
05
lose over-dependence
Writer Zheng Yuanjie once said:
"Put your hope on others means leaving your disappointment to yourself, and your life will fall into a passive state."
In life, the more you want to rely on someone, the more you will eventually push this person farther.
I once saw a story online.
When Xiao J and Xiao Z were in college, they were very good friends.
Because Xiao Z has his own ideas and ideas when doing things, Xiao J will discuss it with Xiao Z when he encounters a problem.
said it was a negotiation, but in fact she wanted her to make an idea for herself and find a way to solve it.
Later, the two entered the workplace. Although they were not in the same company, Xiao J would still bother Xiao Z with big and small matters.
Xiao Z was very helpless. Once, when she reached the end of the year, she was so busy that she didn't care about Xiao J every day.
Unexpectedly, Xiao J rushed into her house that night, collapsed and cried, complaining that Xiao Z did not help her, causing her to make a big mistake at work and was fired by the company.
Later, the relationship between the two became terrible, and the good sisters who had been together for many years gradually drifted away.
Many times, we will have the same mentality as little J and are overly dependent on one person.
Slowly we lose our sense of proportion, constantly invading each other's space and disturbing each other's life.
But no matter how good the relationship between friends is, it cannot withstand such consumption.
I like Miyazaki Hayao said:
Don’t rely on someone easily, it will become your habit.
When separately comes, what you lose is not someone, but the pillar of your spirit.
Only by quitting dependence and learning to live independently can you have a equal friendship.
06
lost overexpectations
Writer Takeno has an explanation of friendship in "Take Take's Tavern":
I helped you before, why don't you help me now? What does
The idea itself is wrong.
In life, many people think that as long as they are kind to others, others will treat you sincerely.
But getting along with people is never an equivalent exchange.
Not all efforts will be rewarded; it is not that you value others, and the other party will always feel at ease.
Remember Sha Yi in the program said with emotion:
"One night I looked through my phone and found that no one sent me a message except the message my son sent me.
used to think that I was very important, but in fact, everyone is not that important in others' hearts."
No matter who I get along with, you must lower your expectations.
When you no longer have too high expectations for a relationship, you will naturally not feel sad when you meet Liang Bo.
As mentioned in " Disqualification in the World ", as long as there is no excessive joy, there will be no extreme sadness.
Does not overestimate your relationship with others and do not have too high expectations for others.
Only by treating and getting along with a normal mind can you gain a truly long-term relationship.
▽
When we reach a certain age, the highest evaluation of a relationship is four words - Get along with each other.
KeCai Kangyong said that interpersonal relationships are one of the most difficult problems in life.
As the saying goes: There are methods to do things and skills in socializing.
When you learn to throw away the above 6 things, you will find that you will naturally become harmonious with the people around you.
Source: WeChat public account "One Book per Night"
Author: Wanjun
Editor: Hang Yifan
[Statement: This account is the official public welfare account of "National Reading Promotion". This article is reproduced for the purpose of conveying more information. If there is any source marking error or suspected of infringing on your legitimate rights and interests, please contact us. We will correct and delete it in time, thank you. 】
There are many such "ineffective" friends in life.
When you entertain guests, you come earlier than anyone else; but when you are in trouble, you hide farther than anyone else.
Instead of spending time on unnecessary social interaction, it is better to focus on making friends.
After all, true heart is only worth keeping in the right place, for those who understand us.
05
lose over-dependence
Writer Zheng Yuanjie once said:
"Put your hope on others means leaving your disappointment to yourself, and your life will fall into a passive state."
In life, the more you want to rely on someone, the more you will eventually push this person farther.
I once saw a story online.
When Xiao J and Xiao Z were in college, they were very good friends.
Because Xiao Z has his own ideas and ideas when doing things, Xiao J will discuss it with Xiao Z when he encounters a problem.
said it was a negotiation, but in fact she wanted her to make an idea for herself and find a way to solve it.
Later, the two entered the workplace. Although they were not in the same company, Xiao J would still bother Xiao Z with big and small matters.
Xiao Z was very helpless. Once, when she reached the end of the year, she was so busy that she didn't care about Xiao J every day.
Unexpectedly, Xiao J rushed into her house that night, collapsed and cried, complaining that Xiao Z did not help her, causing her to make a big mistake at work and was fired by the company.
Later, the relationship between the two became terrible, and the good sisters who had been together for many years gradually drifted away.
Many times, we will have the same mentality as little J and are overly dependent on one person.
Slowly we lose our sense of proportion, constantly invading each other's space and disturbing each other's life.
But no matter how good the relationship between friends is, it cannot withstand such consumption.
I like Miyazaki Hayao said:
Don’t rely on someone easily, it will become your habit.
When separately comes, what you lose is not someone, but the pillar of your spirit.
Only by quitting dependence and learning to live independently can you have a equal friendship.
06
lost overexpectations
Writer Takeno has an explanation of friendship in "Take Take's Tavern":
I helped you before, why don't you help me now? What does
The idea itself is wrong.
In life, many people think that as long as they are kind to others, others will treat you sincerely.
But getting along with people is never an equivalent exchange.
Not all efforts will be rewarded; it is not that you value others, and the other party will always feel at ease.
Remember Sha Yi in the program said with emotion:
"One night I looked through my phone and found that no one sent me a message except the message my son sent me.
used to think that I was very important, but in fact, everyone is not that important in others' hearts."
No matter who I get along with, you must lower your expectations.
When you no longer have too high expectations for a relationship, you will naturally not feel sad when you meet Liang Bo.
As mentioned in " Disqualification in the World ", as long as there is no excessive joy, there will be no extreme sadness.
Does not overestimate your relationship with others and do not have too high expectations for others.
Only by treating and getting along with a normal mind can you gain a truly long-term relationship.
▽
When we reach a certain age, the highest evaluation of a relationship is four words - Get along with each other.
KeCai Kangyong said that interpersonal relationships are one of the most difficult problems in life.
As the saying goes: There are methods to do things and skills in socializing.
When you learn to throw away the above 6 things, you will find that you will naturally become harmonious with the people around you.
Source: WeChat public account "One Book per Night"
Author: Wanjun
Editor: Hang Yifan
[Statement: This account is the official public welfare account of "National Reading Promotion". This article is reproduced for the purpose of conveying more information. If there is any source marking error or suspected of infringing on your legitimate rights and interests, please contact us. We will correct and delete it in time, thank you. 】
