I don’t know if you have the following situation:
If the other party expects you very much, but you don’t have the same expectations of the other party, you will feel guilty;
If the other party comes to see you, but the atmosphere is a bit dull, you will feel guilty;
If the other party is in a bad mood, you will feel guilty and reflect on what you did wrong?
In fact, excessive guilt can lead to mental friction, make people very tired, and even become very negative.
doesn’t matter. The book "Guemon Cleaning Exercise" uses some tools and exercises to help us examine our emotions from the bottom of our hearts, let go of our guilt, no longer be dominated by negative emotions, learn to treat ourselves well and treat life correctly.
The author of this book is Danish psychotherapist Ils Sand, who focuses on psychological counseling and instructor training. In the book, she provides us with 15 kinds of guilt-cleaning exercises to help our lives be easier.
book tells us to let go of yourself, don’t let yourself be too picky, and don’t live for others anymore.
01 Lower expectations
If you have high expectations for success and happiness, once these hopes are lost, you will easily blame yourself or others and feel guilty.
There is a story on the Internet that says this.
A woman has a best friend of 10 years, but when she planned to buy a house near her unit and wanted to ask her to borrow money, her best friend told her that she was also buying a house and decorating the house and had no money to lend it to her.
The woman didn't think too much at the time, but later she learned from other friends that the best friend had not bought a house at all, and there was no decoration.
At that moment, ten years of friendship felt deteriorated.
The woman felt a little disappointed. She felt that she was not that important in the heart of that best friend.
In fact, many of the pain in our lives often comes from the demands on people or things too high.
For example, we don’t want to make mistakes, we hope not to make others unhappy, we hope to ensure that everyone around us lives well, we hope not to become a burden to others, we hope to be friendly, we hope we won’t disappoint our loved ones, etc.
You have so many hopes and expectations, but can you really do everything? Is it really relevant if I can't do it?
In fact, everyone will have some unsatisfactory things, or difficult experiences, or things that cannot meet others' expectations. That's all you have to learn is to accept it.
Reduce and change some of your expectations, make room for your soul, and break the inherent rules, which will give you unprecedented relaxation and satisfaction.
02 Forgive yourself
Guilt is actually anger suppressed by yourself.
Guilt doesn't help, or anything, when you can't meet someone else's needs. Moreover, if you are facing additional challenges, it is actually their opportunity: no one can always be smooth sailing, and the challenges you build for them may also be their opportunity.
The book takes 62-year-old Hans as an example. He said that when he was a child, he often bullied his younger brother Bill.
Bill encountered many problems in his life, so he felt that he had always been bullied in his childhood, so he kept a distance from Hans.
Hans felt guilty, but Bill never accepted his help. Every time he gets along with Bill, Hans feels powerless and in vain.
In fact, no matter how many times Hans apologized, he cannot change what happened in the past. Hans can express his feelings, but he doesn't have to please Bill all the time. Because, Bill himself can only take responsibility for Bill's life.
We all make mistakes, but these mistakes will also teach us things. If you clearly understand that your behavior comes from egocentric , or even goes against your own values, remember to have the courage to admit it and praise yourself for your guilt. Don't have to punish yourself for the rest of your life.
People who have left prison have the chance to start over, let alone us?
Forgive yourself, don’t have to torture yourself all the time, do your best, think positively, and get along well with yourself.
03 Learning to give up
Learning to give up is something that everyone must learn.
Although we always say that we need to set a goal and stick to it to the end, if you find that the direction is wrong, you need to correct it in time and don’t go all the way to the dark.
Sometimes, we will break up or separate with our lover, and we will feel sad and feel guilty;
Sometimes, when children do not do what their parents hope for, parents will feel disappointed and blame themselves;
Sometimes, when an important job is not completed smoothly, many people will feel guilty;
These wishes are actually not wrong, but regrets always exist. All we need to do is accept it, look forward, and change direction.
Although you may feel guilty about the ineffective efforts you have put in, it doesn't matter. The point is, what can you get in the end? When you try to look at something objectively, you can sort it out.
If you can finally realize that when you give in to things that you are obsessed with but have not achieved and devote your energy to other things, the two are very different.
The former is like you're knocking on a door that is blocked with a brick, and the latter is like a door that has opened a gap. Which one do you think is easier?
You can try to write a letter for yourself and figure out what you really want. In writing, you will realize that you cannot get what you want. Please give it up and make room for other things. Otherwise, you will just be in trouble.
Accept the current situation, learn to give up unrealistic goals, let yourself make more correct judgments, and make your own path more free.
written at the end
At any time, we should not let excessive guilty emotions to torture ourselves.
We can feel guilty, but we must learn to look at ourselves with a friendly attitude. No matter how others view you, you must learn to forgive yourself.
Only by reducing expectations can life be easier.
Only by forgiveing yourself can you live a better self.
Only by learning to give up can you have more freedom in the future.
Growing up in rational guilt makes yourself more responsible and brave.
