I have been struggling for a long time before I muster up the courage to tell my story. Recently, I have been in great pain and don’t know how to get rid of it.
01
I am 35 years old this year, and my current marriage is difficult to maintain. I want to divorce but don’t have the courage to do so. I am in a dilemma for my child and often think that my mother is unhappy. How can I give my child a harmonious and happy family?
My husband and I have been married for ten years and have two children. Dabao is a daughter, second treasure is a son, one girl and one boy is a good word. In the eyes of others, this will be a happy family.
In fact, every family has a sutra that is difficult to recite. Only after you have experienced it can you know how difficult it is to recite this sutra.
Let’s talk about my husband first.
He was the object of my parents' introduction, 7 years older than me. At that time, I was unwilling to do so from the bottom of my heart and disliked him for being older.
My parents say that men will love their wives when they are older and will live a life.
I was young at that time and I had no opinion. Finally, I followed my parents' words and started dating him.
When he was dating for more than two months, his work was sent to Fuzhou. Not long after, I also went there.
One night, I went shopping with him and fell in love with a bag, which cost about 200 yuan.
He was nagging there for a long time, saying it was worth nothing, and I walked away angrily.
Seeing me like this, he had to bite the bullet and buy it for me.
It’s almost time for us to get married. We were still in Fuzhou at that time, so we went to see the wedding ring.
I want to buy platinum, but he wants to buy gold. When I was watching
, I was already very unhappy and I didn’t buy it after walking for a whole afternoon.
says that the rings in Fuzhou are expensive, not as cheap as our local Quanzhou , and are pure.
I believed it, until the wedding date came and I went back to our place, and I was going to get married tomorrow, and I only bought a gold one the night before.
may be around 1500. At that moment, I didn’t want to get married at all.
But everything is a fait accompli, so I can only walk forward with my teeth.
02
I only spent three or four months with him, and I registered, which is also a flash marriage.
I didn’t expect that after getting married, the marriage would be like this.
My husband is a lazy person who loves to eat, plays cards, bets, and drinks, and has no sense of family responsibility. He doesn't take me seriously.
is the same for children. When he is in a good mood and is happy, he will play with the child for a while and doesn't care much about it.
He has been married to him for so many years, but he has never bought me any gifts.
I bought me a coat, which costs more than 400 yuan.
But once he heard him talking on the phone with his friend, saying that he lost five or six thousand in one night. He played for three nights, hahaha.
I still remember when I was pregnant with my baby, I had a very bad morning sickness and didn’t get his care. I vomited so hard that I was alone in the factory dormitory, and my blood was spitting out.
Later, I returned to my parents' house to stay pregnant.
I remember very clearly that I was about to give birth that day, so I called him and said that my stomach hurt. He was playing mahjong from my neighbor on the second floor of my parents' house. I was on the fifth floor.
I said it was very uncomfortable, my stomach hurts, and I have to go to the hospital.
He said wait a moment.
At that moment, my heart was broken.
03
After giving birth to the child, I returned to my husband's hometown for confinement.
But during the confinement period, my mother-in-law didn’t help me take care of my children.
After cooking the rice, go to play cards, don’t care about anything else.
After I finished confinement, I returned to my parents' home.
My husband went to work in the neighboring city. When he had a baby, he lived a good life. At that time, he was eating and living at my parents' house. He also found a part-time job with his children, so he didn't ask him for money.
When Dabao first bought it for one year old, he accidentally got a second baby and waited until three months to find out.
Because I have been staying at my parents' house, my grandmother later said that I have been married and have been living in my parents' house, which will affect my brother's career and luck, so I will return to my husband's hometown.
My family is in the city, and his family is from the countryside.
I have been living in the city since I was a child. At the beginning, I returned to his hometown and was very uncomfortable.
His house is two floors, and there is no bathroom on the second floor. At that time, he had a big belly and had to take care of his children. It was inconvenient to go up and downstairs, so he took a bucket to urinate and defecate. There is often a smell in the room.
My mother-in-law didn't help me take a bath for Dabao. Over time, all my grievances and dissatisfactions surged out and I began to complain about him.
At that time, I often thought, what am I looking for?
My parents and grandfather also often call me and ask me if I am used to living in my husband’s hometown? Is it good to eat?
When you are wronged, you will hear a greeting from your loved ones and your tears will not stop flowing.
At that time, my aunt had a house. The lease period was up. As soon as the tenant moved out, my grandfather asked me to move to my aunt's house.
At this time, my mother-in-law also came over to help take care of the children. This will last for five years.
04
The five years I have been at my aunt's house have been the most painful and helpless thing in my life.
Since Erbao was born in 2016, the child was very crying. During the confinement period, I took Dabao and Erbao to sleep with me. Fortunately, my mother was afraid that I would work hard and that I could not take care of the child, so she came to help me.
The mother-in-law is also sleeping next door. The child during the confinement period cries all night. She has never heard of it and has never said she wants to come and take a look.
My mother and I took turns holding each other and stayed up until dawn.
Get up a little later, and my mother-in-law said that it was time to say that everything was right now, and she still didn’t get up. If you don’t eat, but the child wants to eat.
Anyway, it’s not easy to live every day.
If my mother wasn't with me at that time, I would almost feel depressed.
05
00 my husband gave me less living expenses and had two more children. When the second baby got older, I proposed to go out to work.
During the negotiation period, I forgot what happened and my husband beat me.
My mother-in-law was in the room and didn't see her coming out to persuade her to fight.
Later I went to work, and my husband stopped paying for living.
had previously agreed to give 3,000 yuan a month, but later sometimes it was two thousand yuan. Still indifferent to me.
When he gets home from get off work, he either drinks or goes out to play mahjong, and rarely helps me take care of my children.
Until the year of the 2018 World Cup, he once gave me 10,000 yuan. After a while, he asked me to give him that 10,000 yuan, and I said it was in my bank card.
He asked me to take it out.
I said it was past 10 o'clock, so late, I'll pick it up tomorrow.
He was very angry and said why didn’t he give him money? !
hit me in front of the child.
The child was so scared that he hugged my legs and cried loudly.
Dabao was only four years old at that time and Xiaobao was two years old.
After a while, the cup started and he won more than 100,000 yuan!
I said I would stop if I win a little.
At that time, we were also discussing buying a house. I said I would either give me some money and let me take it, but he would not give it at all.
On the third night, in the middle of the night, I fell asleep. He woke me up in bed and said that he knew he was wrong. If he had known, he would have listened to me.
At that time, I lost all my sleepiness.
All the beautiful fantasies were shattered. In this way, more than 100,000 yuan was gone, but I owe more than 100,000 yuan.
almost made his dad angry.
His brother doesn't want to care about him anymore, saying that this is not the first time you are like this. If you are arrested, we will not bail you out, and we will take care of your child.
I couldn't bear to watch my husband being arrested, so I collaborated with him to cheat my mother and said that he wanted to buy a car and would have to raise 20,000 yuan.
I also foolishly gave him another 20,000.
Later, I slowly recalled that I felt so stupid and stupid. What did he give me? Why did I give like this?
I take care of the child myself and do the housework myself. He goes to play mahjong when he gets home, but I can’t get his care.
The more I think about it, the more I feel that I am not worth it at all. In this way, my aunt was also disordered and became much more haggard.
says that the straw in the end will crush a camel to death. In this way, I went from a young woman to a resentful woman, and later to a shrew.
Sometimes I will vent my anger on the child, but what is wrong with the child? If I hit the child, I will regret it, slap myself in the face, and cry helplessly.
I have the idea of divorce.
But when talking to my aunt, she was coldly sarcastic and hit.
I have always thought about getting rid of it.
06
In the summer of 2019, I was bored once, so I opened WeChat and shook it, wanting to find someone I don’t know to talk about.
This way you can vent your emotions and express your grievances.
Maybe it’s the arrangement of fate, I met Li Feng.
didn't expect to ask him where he was from, so he started to play tricks with each other, like an old friend he had known for many years.
You started chatting one by one.
I also concealed the fact that I am married. After chatting with
for more than a week, I realized that Li Feng is a local, which makes me feel more intimate.
used to chat with him and would reply only when he was free.
But later, I replied in seconds.
He would ask three times a day, have you eaten?
Also, be careful when driving when you go out. When it rains, he will remind me to bring an umbrella.
always pay attention to the updates in my circle of friends and share his interesting stories about the day with me.
Three months have passed, and we seem to have sparked.
Then we made an appointment to meet.
He fell in love with me at first sight, and then he asked me again and again.
When having an intimate relationship, my husband rarely considers my feelings, but he is different. He cares about me very much, cherishes me, and takes care of my feelings more.
Just like that, I fell into it.
07
Slowly, Li Feng knew that I had a child, but I still kept it from him.
says I am a divorced single mother with children.
In fact, if I have a husband, I don’t have a husband.
My husband is on business trips for a long time and often stays in Fuzhou. He comes back every two or three months. I live a widowed marriage in .
When he came back, he didn't accompany me and the child well. When he got home, he either played with his phone or lie down or went out to play mahjong.
Sometimes the child doesn't want him to go out, so he moves a small stool to guard the door, but he still wants to go out regardless of it and throws the child aside and runs out.
Is such a father reliable?
What kind of responsibility does he have?
Children often say that their father only knows how to play mahjong and drink, and they don’t accompany us.
A mother feels so uncomfortable when she hears it.
08
Unconsciously, Li Feng and I have known each other for more than three years. He has given me a lot of comfort and companionship. It can be said that for the past three years, he has been with me to overcome the tribulation.
If it weren't for his comfort and care, I might not have had the chance to tell this story.
I want to thank him.
He is one year younger than me and is unmarried. Sometimes I feel that I am selfish in dragging him like this. I have told him several times that I want to break up, but he disagrees.
Once, I had a fight with him. He drove and waited downstairs in my house for a night.
When he went out the next day, he took photos of me.
He did a lot of things that moved me.
Once on my birthday, he secretly gave me an unexpected surprise.
What he gave me was something I never got from my husband and could not see hope.
He would take me to buy clothes and give me a watch.
I have no hope for marriage anymore. I have never divorced because of my children.
Li Feng now knows my situation and I have had dinner with him with my child.
He also likes my two children, cares about them, and buys toys and gifts for the children.
My husband and I really can't live with each other now.
I had filed for divorce with my husband before. I said I wanted to take my daughter away, but he said that the child could not be given to me, and if I wanted a house, I would give it to me.
I know he also said that he would not give me a house.
In this case, who will the child belong to and how to divide the property?
09
I once had the idea of committing suicide. This idea will come up every night when I can’t sleep.
But my two children are still so young, I really can't bear to leave them.
In marriage over the years, my heart has become colder little by little, and disappointment has accumulated little by little, turning into despair.
I have been thinking about what to do with my child, and my child is my weakness.
My current salary is only three to four thousand yuan a month. I don’t have a high income, so my job is quite stable.
It is from last year that my husband rarely gives me living expenses. He said that his salary is low now. In the past, he could earn seven or eight thousand a month, but now he earns four or five thousand a month, which is only enough for him to spend.
I am relatively saving in life. Sometimes my parents will supplement me and can barely raise two children.
I would like to ask, is it feasible if you say that you are not leaving home if you divorce?
Because I don’t want to separate the two children, nor do I want to sell the house, I want to keep it for my son in the future.
My husband doesn’t often stay at home anyway.
I have thought about divorce many times and have never dared to mention it, for fear that he will hit me.
He is at home these days and wants to wait until he goes to Fuzhou before mentioning it.
My husband is back, Li Feng knows that he has been having conflicts with me these days.
Li Feng and I haven't contacted each other these days, and we ignore each other and don't step on them.
. Do you have to tell your husband in person about the divorce? I don't have the courage to be afraid that he will hit me.
now doesn't know how to do it?
