Oral description: Xiaoyan
Written by: Dahua
My name is Xiaoyan, a girl born in a small town in Hengyang City, Hunan Province. As a post-80s, I dare to think, do, and fight. This is also a portrayal of the personality of most Hunan girls.
In my hometown, there is a saying to describe a woman in Hunan:
is hard, domineering, patient and annoyed, and not afraid of death.
Due to the family business, I went to the United States with my family more than ten years ago. When I started working, I met him, my black American husband, on the same city social platform.
His name is Harden. After dating, I gave him a Chinese name, "Hei Pan'an". Because in my eyes, he is handsome, elegant, tall and handsome, and a beautiful black man, so he has this nickname. After I told him the meaning of the Chinese name, he was overjoyed and had fun for many days.
Hei Pan An not only has a handsome appearance and a strong body, but also has a good character and is very well-educated. He is very gentlemanly in his behavior, and his income is also a first-class and high salary in the United States.
I spent about half a year together, and I agreed to his proposal. The wedding was simple but not simple. A group of relatives and friends witnessed this transnational and interracial love and praised and blessed it.
Now, we have a pair of smart and handsome children, and life is not just a happy and happy one.
frankly said that when I first started talking to him, as a minority here, I actually suffered a lot of criticisms and rumors. Some are ridiculed and teased behind the scenes, or they are sneering in front of us, but we don’t take it to heart and sneer at it. Because we firmly believe that as long as we live in true love, all voices of slander have become our "flag and shout" that we will continue to move forward unswervingly.
Now, the thing really fulfilled my original idea: The happy marriage between two people is actually related to each other, and other things such as race, nationality, skin color, etc. have nothing to do with it! Life is your own. You should work hard for the kind of life you want without fear of challenges.
The more people in the world look down on you, the more you have to fight for your breath and live a wonderful life beyond their imagination...
It is precisely because I married "Hei Pan An" that I was able to become a person who knows how to examine myself better; or in other words, it is him that has greatly improved my temper.
Before this, because I was the only daughter at home, my parents treated me extremely fondly, and it was not an exaggeration to use the word "pampered and elegant" to describe my previous life. Therefore, when I had any unsatisfactory things at that time, I would be angry and complain, and even hurt my family with vicious words.
Our family used to import and export high-end furniture, and did a lot of work. It once became a leading enterprise and had factories at home and abroad.
The family is in a superior condition. In my memory, I have lived a life of a young lady who has been wearing clothes and food since I was a child. The people around me are respectful to me, and everyone seems to like me very much.
My elementary and junior high school were studying at Changsha Lushan International Experimental School, and my academic performance was among the top. There were 40 or 50 students in the class, and I could always get in the top three. Therefore, the head teacher didn't control me very much. This made me gradually let go and did many things that were ridiculous to remember until now.
For example, I always like to wear strange clothes and dress myself up as a "new category" and look unique. At that time, it seemed to me that it was extremely "cool" and I enjoyed it.
, I was less than fourteen years old and was young and I fell in love with a little boy and dated him.
At that time, my domineering and indifference were particularly prominent. Regardless of right or wrong, the final result was that my little boyfriend came to me and sincerely apologized to me and bought lollipops to coax me until I was happy. It is enough to show that at that time, I was so willful and indulgent, and never bowed my head to give in to anyone. In short, I had the attitude of being the only one!
Later, starting from the 1990s, relatives of my family went to the United States to settle down one by one, and my family was nothing more than that.When I graduated from junior high school, my parents took me to study in the United States with a notice.
Perhaps because of the good family conditions, the visa was extremely smooth. I vaguely remember that after the interviewer asked me a few simple questions with a smile, he put a steel poke on my ID with a "pop".
I thought everything would be treated as gentle as an interview, but I never thought that after coming to the United States, my life at the beginning would be extremely awkward and uncomfortable.
The first thing that is to bear is cultural differences, followed by communication. Although my English level was outstanding in China at that time, and I could get high or full marks in every English exam, when I came here, I found that the conversation with local foreigners was like a chicken and a duck talk, and I could not communicate at all, let alone integrate into my classmates. It was just because it was an embarrassment that I couldn't understand in class, which made me extremely disappointed and I had the idea of returning to China several times.
Fortunately, after my aunt learned about my confusion, she hired a local teacher to assist me in English with a high salary. After three years, my English, listening, speaking, reading and writing skills have improved by leaps and bounds. In the end, I was able to obtain admission notices from several American universities .
is different from in China. After coming here, my parents treated me more and more strictly. After all, the culture here is very different from that in China, and they are also considering my safety.
is still my mother, and I am particularly concerned about my every move when I go out. Whenever I go out, I always ask in detail where I go, who I am with, when I will come back, etc.
If a boy came to my house to ask me out for fun, my mother would either politely decline or invite the boy into the house. If she saw a slutty boy, she would definitely not allow me to go out with him. If she looked at her decent decisiveness, she would also ask the boy's home address and contact information in detail, and would even ask about the other party's parents' work situation. In short, only after ensuring that everything is foolproof, I will feel a little relieved to go out.
Then specify the time to go home, drive to the designated location to pick me up. On the issue of time, my mother definitely does not allow me to bargain. She must pick me up at the time, so there is no delay.
For me who is in full bloom in puberty, such "strict care" makes me feel uncomfortable all over. The seeds of rebellion also began to take root and sprout during this period, and finally gradually flourished.
For this reason, I often argue with my mother, and even had quarrels. I became angry and turned around and slammed the door and ran away from home. There was also some people who didn't return all night, which made my family so anxious that they fry.
so I made up my mind to choose to study in a university farthest from home, with the purpose of getting rid of parents' control.
I enrolled at the University of California, Berkeley, and it took more than ten hours to drive.
got free as I wished. The only thing my parents could do was relying on the phone to remind me remotely, and I often ignored it. Life during college was colorful, and I rarely attended classes since my freshman year. During the day, the cat slept in the dormitory, and at night it became more energetic, chasing the unruly nightlife.
Even so, I got the final exam scores with high scores. In terms of exams, I have never been afraid of anyone here.
Until my junior year, the atmosphere seemed to become a little nervous overnight because everyone was accumulating energy for job hunting. As the saying goes, the environment will have an impact on a person, and I am no exception and I will start planning my future career direction.
I studied business management. Since my junior year, I went to search for related internships with a group of people every day. I never thought that it was really a one-plank bridge that was crossing a single-plank bridge, and the competition was extremely fierce.
Fortunately, I have a deep professional foundation and outstanding cultural achievements. Thanks to this, I have obtained several internship opportunities. He has worked internships in well-known investment bank , mayor's office, real estate companies and other places.
that internship benefited me a lot.
As soon as I came, I, a spoiled and willful lady, trained me to be a "strong woman" who is calm in encountering problems, faces difficulties and resolves problems; furthermore, my current three views were also formed during that period, and I was extremely lucky for this.
As we all know, the tuition fee for studying in the United States is very high. Most of my foreign classmates either borrow money from banks or borrow money from their parents to complete their studies.
Speaking of this, some friends may ask, isn’t it natural for parents to provide for their children to go to college? In fact, this is not the case. This is the difference in the two concepts.
In the United States, as long as you are eighteen years old, you are you, you are independent and have no too much to do with your parents. All expenses must be solved by yourself and your parents will not interfere.
is also because of this concept that has influenced me subtly. In the general environment, I can't be the "anomian" in their eyes, and I still ask for money from my parents. Wouldn't it be laughed at?
So I pay all the fees for college myself. Every year, it will be about 200,000 yuan. This fee depends on my part-time salary and scholarship during my college years.
At first, my parents were afraid that I would suffer and feel both distressed and worried, and they still tried to persuade me to send money, but I firmly refused them one by one. Later, when my parents saw that I could do all this independently, they were really proud and relieved for me! Whenever my family and relatives have dinner together, they always tell me the inspirational stories of working part-time and studying, and show it.
After returning from graduation trip for two months, I officially started applying for a job.
My first formal job was to work as an analytical financial management position in a securities company. It doesn’t fit much with my major, but it is also related to it.
is a leader in the same industry, with the largest scale, with nearly thousands of employees.
Because I had been reborn from the "girls", I was extremely responsible in my work, was willing to endure hardships, and had excellent learning ability, so after three years of joining the company, I was taken care of by my boss and soon I brought me to the investment actuarial department and had a salary increase of 30%. The result of
made me proud for a while and full of accomplishment. In my opinion, all the glory obtained through hard work is worthy of self-pride!
Colleagues have dinner
American society has prejudice against Asians, which is obviously no secret. In particular, there are some people who have a stern impression of Asian women, always thinking that we are cowardly and soft, uncontested and unprofitable.
But these are completely gone in me. Not only that, I will strive to do it once I smell the opportunity.
was promoted to the new department for about a year and a half. My supervisor was poached and resigned. Taking advantage of this vacancy, I quickly found the department boss, recommended myself, and made a loud voice to ask for the pros and cons, and asked for competence in the vacant position.
Based on my good impression of me in the past and my recognition of my work ability, the boss pondered for a moment and agreed, and increased his original salary by fifteen percent again. This level of salary directly led me to the high-income group in the United States. After I officially started working, I felt glad for rejecting my parents’ support. This decision not only inspired my ability to be independent and temper my perseverance; it also allowed me to enjoy the sense of accomplishment of making money, greatly enhanced my confidence in exploring society, and the most important thing was to make me feel confident in doing anything! If I had accepted the favor from my parents at that time, I think the situation would have been a different scene, a shameful scene.
Although it is understandable, after all, in the eyes of some people, if you have money at home, why bother going out to suffer?
0 Don’t worry about it!
Time flies, and the years are lingering. When I saw it, in 2009...
had been working for several years at that time and had savings. So, I planned to buy a house, a house facing the sea and blooming in spring.
Under the guidance of the intermediary, I took a fancy to a house with a courtyard with a swimming pool and an area of 140 square meters. It has its own decoration and its style is worthy of my wish. What made me slightly dissatisfied with is that this house is far away from the beach and takes about ten minutes to drive.
However, because I just experienced the financial crisis, housing prices have fallen a lot more than usual, with a total price of less than 300,000 US dollars. I thought about not having to bear too much loan, and after thinking about it, I finally signed a house purchase agreement.
By 2011, in order to get to a higher level in the workplace and sublimate your own value so that you can succeed in the competition in the future, I decided to read MBA.
I just spent all my savings on buying a house, and the tuition for an MBA is expensive (all of them cost as much as $130,000), so I dared not resign and further study.
had to work and study while working, and the life of looking after each other made me physically and mentally exhausted. For two years, lack of sleep has left me confused all day long, not to mention that I have the energy to think about my children's love.
But fate cannot be stopped even if it comes, no matter whether you want it or not.
This is exactly what my encounter with Harden…
It was precisely during that time when I was physically and mentally exhausted that I met Harden.
In fact, to be honest, at first I didn’t plan to date “Hei Pan An”, but after studying and working boringly, I would feel lonely occasionally. Dating with men can make me relax and it must be said to be a polish for boring life.
Many of my friends and classmates finally got married, most of whom came from various social platforms. There are a variety of social platforms in the United States, with all kinds of colors. I also referenced it for a long time and finally chose a platform that is very popular among Asian women and has a relatively good view of me.
I never thought that I was not as good as my appearance and figure. I was so popular with the opposite sex shortly after I arrived, and there were endless people on dates and dinners.
I will carefully select the person I attend, and my image, career, and my usual chat speech and behavior will become my reference conditions for choice. After I have decided on a date, before going out, I will explain the purpose of the date clearly to avoid unnecessary trouble:
On this date, I am not dating my boyfriend, but to find someone to have dinner and chat, and relax my tired mood for the whole day, that's all. If you are, I would love to attend the meeting as scheduled and vice versa.
After receiving the other party's affirmative reply, I went out. The prerequisites must be determined, and this safety awareness must be achieved!
One day in the red sun, I was writing a topic of MBA. I was dizzy. I just stopped and wanted to take a nap when I saw someone send me a message. I don’t need to mention it. It was a date request from Harden.
Harden is a black man from Detroit . He relied on his own efforts to get a very expensive job. In order to have the opportunity to compete for promotion, he is hardworking in the company. He does what others don’t want to do; he goes to places that others don’t want to go. It is precisely because of years of persistence that Harden became the marketing manager of a large enterprise at the age of 30, responsible for the market planning and sales in several major areas of the company.
On the night of the date, when I saw him at first sight, I was quite surprised, far beyond my expectations. He is more handsome than in the photo, has a better figure and a stronger and stronger figure. His gentlemanly demeanor in every manner touched me and was completely in line with my standards for choosing a spouse.
It's night. During the conversation, I found that my views were very consistent with it, and the whole process was cheerful and unforgettable. But I am not like a fool, and I am affectionate to him. I emphasized the purpose and principles of this date and told him that I was not only not here to find a boyfriend, but also contacted and dated three or four boys at the same time, but I would not be a deeper dating partner, and just spent a long and boring night. In addition, if you ask me, I may not be available; however, when I ask you, you must be on call, and if not, I will contact the next one.
Originally, I thought such harsh conditions, Harden must be angry and stood up and left after hearing this. Unexpectedly, he agreed:
No problem, I won’t give you the chance to have a date with the next boy.
Finally, when Harden sent me to the doorstep, he said he fell in love with me at first sight. He said confidently that he would marry me in the future. But when I heard him say this, I sneered in my heart.
, but I never expected that after about twenty days of contact with him, I actually admire him.
His humor, his qualities, his knowledge, his abilities, and his decent behavior all moved me. The most valuable thing is his self-discipline and confidence, which made me respectfully!
Friendly affection gradually deepened, and in the end my heart was captured by him...
His first birthday after being together, he carefully handled it. It was such a surprise and unforgettable, and I still remember it freshly. It was a super big party, and he brought almost all my friends and some of my family to celebrate my birthday and witness my love with him.
However, this is not the only one, but on my birthday every year, he will set it up for me ingeniously, giving me a different feeling every time, in short, happiness and warmth. The importance of men's goodness to women is as important as ever.
One thing that made me decide that he would not marry was that I had been with him for less than two months. At that time, he had an annual salary of $250,000, and his headquarters wanted to send him to Los Angeles to be responsible for the operation of the new market and raise 25% of the salary for this, which was already a considerable income.
But Harden gave up this opportunity to raise the salary because of my first sentence "I will never accept long-distance relationships". He gave up a chance to have a bright future. Despite the boss' repeated persuasion, he resolutely chose to resign to maintain our love.
Afterwards, he said that he knew very well that if he accepted the company's dispatch this time, although he had increased his salary, he would part ways with me. From then on, he would never accept it. He loved me, and since the first sight, he loved me so much that he couldn't extricate himself.
How many men in the world can give up a bright future for a girlfriend who has only known each other for less than two months?
Half a year later, he proposed to me, and the moment he knelt down, I accepted it very much.
Of course, before accepting, Harden must be recognized by my family, and he is still my mother.
During the previous interactions, Harden had met my parents several times and attended several family dinners. His relatives also had a good impression of him and had no discrimination. However, it is not a joke to talk about marriage, so my parents attach great importance to it. The first priority is to ask Harden to have a comprehensive physical examination.
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For this, Harden and I coincide with each other:
Our combination is not because he is black, I am Chinese, but because I am Xiaoyan, and he is Harden.
What a simple truth, but there are always so many people who can't understand it.
I also know that some people in China also have opinions on black people. I don’t want to refute and dismiss slander here, and always respect everyone’s ideas. It’s just that I live in a multi-ethnic social group, and I’m not surprised by all kinds of skin colors every day. In my opinion, the inner part under the appearance of those skin colors is the most important, not the skin color itself.
On discrimination, I asked Harden carefully, and he told me calmly:
People’s old-fashioned impressions will not change because of one or two words of you and me. Instead of being like this, it is better to be silent, try to do your best, contribute more to society, treat people kindly and beautifully, and be sincere, so that the world can see these, and perhaps this old-fashioned prejudice will break out of this.
I learned a lot from Harden, such as tolerance, respect and understanding.
He taught me a lot of positive energy practices. When my mother and I had a disagreement over something, we had a fierce quarrel like before, and finally we broke up in an unhappy way.
He told me that the next time a similar situation occurs, you can try to brake suddenly in the middle, turn around the silence film, and then suddenly hug your mother gently from behind and say, "Mom, I love you."
As expected, this method has been tried and done, so it is difficult for me to have a quarrel with my mother now.
I also admire Harden very much when it comes to educating children.
Perhaps some Chinese people abroad have been discriminated against and bullied for various reasons. Therefore, they do not want the same experience to happen to their descendants. Therefore, for their children's education, they choose to give up Chinese education to dilute their identity. On the other hand, Harden's attitude is very different. He supports me very much in educating my children in Chinese and encourages me to impart more knowledge about Chinese.
I will not only tell Chinese fairy tales to my children, but also teach them traditional culture, including basic etiquette. As mixed-race children, they may gradually understand the world when they grow up and will be confused and confused about identity issues. However, I always believe that in the future, they will be proud of being able to speak fluent Chinese!
at the end:
The world is so big, you will always meet the right person, letting you let go of all your anger and anxiety, and this person has nothing to do with race, it only depends on each other...
