All my ambitions are, but free life
Text: Little Moon | Typesetting: Moon Lane
In the intimate relationship, there is a pathological relationship called: pathological symbiosis (symbiosis strangulation).
mainly refers to in love: some people will regard their partners and themselves as a community: you are me, I am you.
In this symbiotic relationship, it is not only a psychological over-dependence, but also represents a real need - all my needs depend on you to satisfy me.
If the partner does not satisfy me, I will feel betrayed;
If the partner does not satisfy me, I will feel that I can't live;
If the partner does not satisfy me, I will feel that you don't love me. People like
often lack a sense of security, a sense of self-esteem and self-self. They fantasize that their partner meets all their needs. Over time, they complain that their partner is deeply trapped in dire straits, not only suffocating, but also want to accept this relationship.
Such pathological psychological manifestations include:
Subconsciously, you must do this, you must accompany me, and you cannot refuse.
B. We must not be separated~
When a partner is not by our side, we will feel lonely and feel ignored. Even if your partner is just going to work, going out with colleagues, or having sex with good friends.
C. We are one~
You must understand me and understand me. You should know what I think, otherwise you just don’t love me.
D. The sense of self-boundary is low~
There are many ways to express love, which should be the cruelest one. You require doing everything together, regardless of whether the other party is willing or not, and you do not respect the other party’s ideas and situation. Once your partner doesn't want to, he deliberately wants to stay away from me.
A true love relationship is two mutually attractive selves. Through this complete and independent relationship, each other's self-nature is sublimated, allowing each other to see their own strengths and weaknesses, let their strengths shine and make up for their shortcomings.
instead of controlling, suppressing, morally kidnapping another person in the name of love, allowing his self to gradually disappear, leaving only one self-existence.
No matter how close the relationship is, it is based on an independent and relatively complete self. Everyone has their own ideas and practices. If you just want to change yourself for you, will he still love you as before?
If you feel that if you don’t rely on him and he doesn’t do what you think, you will be particularly anxious, uneasy, and even fearful. You care too much about the relationship, be too afraid of losing, and hold it too tightly, which will often backfire.
For example, ~
When you fall in love, it does not mean giving up your friends. It is normal for you to take time to meet with each other and meet with your friends and friends.
When you fall in love, it does not mean giving up on yourself, taking time to be yourself and doing what you like alone. It is normal;
When you fall in love, it does not mean that you are one and have no independent time for each other, and are inseparable like conjoined babies. This is abnormal;
When you fall in love, it does not mean that you have no self, there is no quarrel or separation between each other, and your ideas must be consistent, which is abnormal.
Once a friend, who always failed in love. According to what she said, she was very sincere every time, and she gave a lot of hard work. But for some reason, every boyfriend would eventually say that he couldn't stand her and then proposed to break up.
She was very depressed. Why did the people who clearly loved her end up abandoning themselves mercilessly?
Her boyfriend also loved her very much. Every time, no matter what, he would try to accommodate her and follow her.
But in the end, it was such a person who loved her. He asked for a breakup. My friend was puzzled and asked why.
Her boyfriend said, "I am so tired. I am circling around you every day. If you are not careful and make you unhappy, you will think about it, doubt me, and doubt our feelings. I feel that I am almost squeezed by you and have no strength to love you."
Later, after consulting the teacher, she suddenly realized.
When she told the teacher about her patterns and situations of getting along with her boyfriend, the teacher said that her love mentality was overly dependent.
She often quarreled because her boyfriend had no time to accompany her at work, and was often unhappy because her boyfriend didn't respond to messages in time. She often made excessive demands to satisfy her boyfriend, asking her boyfriend to meet all her ideas and always stay with her.
is becoming more and more dependent and has more and more requirements. If she is not satisfied, she will be unhappy and starts to have various doubts.
Teacher said that it is normal to rely on each other when you are in love, but over-reliance like her, or even forcing each other, will easily make the other person feel tired and put the relationship into a "tired period".
Zhou Guoping once said: "You have a ruler when speaking, playfully, do things more than you do, know how to behave, know how to advance and retreat, so that you can live comfortably."
Whether in love or marriage, they depend on each other and are independent of each other. The sense of boundaries is your greatest sense of security and a kind of decency that is considerate.
Love without a sense of "boundary", no matter how much you give, it cannot last.
or above, encourage them together!
I am Little Moon, a wild writer, and a writing enthusiast. Focus on female growth | Sexual emotions | Personal diligent information | Self-disciplined information | Looking forward to being friends with you and growing into a better self together. If you like the little cutie, you can follow my official account~Moon Lane to read the latest articles.
