Text/Hanmeiyi
01
When it comes to marriage, there was "the orders of parents and the words of the matchmaker". Although now, they are basically free love, they still have to listen to their parents' opinions.
Some young people may choose a marriage based on their personal preferences. They think that being affectionate can make you drink plenty, but the elders are different. Too many parents should consider "a good match" when it comes to their children's marriage.
I have to say that if you dare not talk about a marriage of a good match, you will definitely be happy and fulfilled, but two people will not have "little thoughts" in material terms. There is no way for anyone to cling to whom or who helps who to help whom.
I remember Yishu once said: " Looking around, there are many ordinary people in the world, you, me and him, all of them are ordinary in appearance, have poor talent and ordinary family background, and insist on finding a partner within a certain level, and may be disappointed for life. The couple in the Chai and Mi are easier to do than relatives of gods and immortals, and they are of equal status and have no scruples. They cultivate familiar, reliable and comfortable feelings. No one has to worry about not being able to afford it. "
is indeed the case.
Marriage is not a matter of two people, but a marriage between two families. If the two people are too different, let alone who takes advantage of whom and who suffers losses, the standards for judging things and how they deal with things will be completely different. With a short period of running-in, one party is willing to accommodate and make concessions. If the time goes by and the big gap never catches up with the other party, will it be boring and annoyed?
Regardless of men and women, you should still listen to your parents’ opinions on marriage, because many times, love will make people lose their minds and will also make people deliberately magnify the advantages of their partners. Although parents may not have a consistent view with their children, parents are still more "precise" than their children in terms of character.
It is not scary to find an object that is not equal to your own conditions, but if the other party has a bad character and a bad mind, then the only one who will be hurt in the end will be himself.
02
The sharing of today's case comes from a female reader Xu Ying (pseudonym), who originally planned to get married today, but because of one sentence, the marriage was not only ruined, but also had a conflict with her boyfriend. The two did not say they broke up or said they would not break up, but their state was like a stranger who had no relationship.
Xu Ying was very disappointed with her current situation. She said that she was completely "being blamed".
" thinks I am just a joke now! I have always held a firm attitude with him. What about him, it's okay! It's not like me at all! I've always praised my parents for how good others are. I'm thinking of marrying him! Who knew that in the end, I was stupid! I'm so stupid! I'm really sorry to my parents. For such a fickle man, I hurt their hearts! "
What happened, and what happened to Xu Ying scolded him like this?
Speaking of it, we need to mention Daqi, the boyfriend who failed to become her husband.
Daqi and Xu Ying met in a blind date event. The two of them were of the same age, graduated from the same university, and both worked in the system (different units). Because they had many common topics, the two of them had similar interests. For this reason, after chatting for a while, the two became familiar with each other.
About half a year later, seeing that Da Qi was not speaking for a long time, Xu Ying took the initiative to be a boyfriend and girlfriend. Although Da Qi refused twice on the grounds that "the gap is a bit big", in the end, under Xu Ying's lobbying that "You can settle down in the city by yourself means that you have the ability. I believe you and I also like you", Da Qi nodded.
During the period when the two of them were together, Da Qi was very considerate in life, and he was also very down-to-earth and active in work. In short, he gave Xu Ying the impression of a warm man who didn’t talk much, was not sweet-mouthed, but was dedicated, practical and hardworking.
It is also because of this that in mid-August this year, when Xu Ying celebrated her birthday, she took Daqi to her home. At that time, she and Daqi had been together for a year and a half. When it was time to meet her parents, she thought about introducing Daqi to her parents, so as to gain recognition from her parents, and then discussing the next marriage.
However, unexpectedly, my mother didn't expect that she didn't want to worry about Xu Ying's birthday that day, and not only got angry, saying that Xu Ying had made up her own ideas and just notified her family, but also said in front of Da Qi that they were not suitable, so it would be better to break up as soon as possible, so as to save the longer the time in the future, the more difficult it would be to part with it.
The mother's attitude made Xu Ying very angry. Although she did not explain the reason clearly, Xu Ying knew in her heart that she must have despised Daqi's family's poor conditions and could not help her family in the future.
As expected, my mother found Xu Ying later and advised her kindly that she could fall in love with Daqi, but she would never get married. Daqi comes from the countryside, and there is a younger brother and sister below. I won’t say anything I hope he can bring to Xu Ying in the future. Just the many people in the family will be treated by Xu Ying when they get married in the future.
Furthermore, Daqi people are good, but what kind of people are his parents and younger brothers and sisters? Will you be confused in the future? If you encounter any problems, go to the city to entrust Daqi to do things?
" Although our family is not very capable, at least we can protect you to live a stable and down-to-earth life, and will never drag you down! But have you ever thought about Da Qi? He settled in the city with the expectations of everyone, and he will never be able to easily escape from the control of his family! Then his relatives will be enough for you! You have been alone since childhood and like to get along with others with a proper attitude, but Da Qi is not, he has a younger brother. Brothers and sisters, I have long been used to being harmonious without distinguishing you and me. The difference in your growth environment is too big, so I will definitely not be able to live together! Let’s not say how good I find, but I can’t marry you, right? At least find someone similar to our family. At that time, the parents of the two families can help you together! ”
Xu Ying couldn’t listen. She felt that her mother was snobbish and looked down on Da Qi, just wanted her to find someone who could bring "benefits" to her family.
She had a big fight with her mother. Later, seeing that her mother was determined, she began to have a cold war with her mother again. She did not eat the food she cooked or talked to her mother. As long as she rested, she would not stay at home or run out to find Daqi. Even on the Mid-Autumn Festival, she did not eat with her parents at home.
After more than a month of stalemate, the mother finally lowered her head. She said she could not interfere with Xu Ying's marriage, but she also had one condition: Since Xu Ying asked her to decide on the marriage, she could not let her parents pay for it, no matter whether it was money or strength, her parents would not care about Xu Ying's life in the future.
Seeing that his mother said this, Xu Ying felt uncomfortable, but she was still happy from the bottom of her heart when she thought that her mother gave in and stopped forcing her.
In order to prevent his mother from remorse, Xu Ying took advantage of the National Day holiday to go to Daqi's hometown. After discussing with Daqi and his parents, he hurriedly set the wedding date.
As the wedding date approaches day by day, although the Daqi family cannot prepare anything for themselves on the grounds that "there are many children and the pressure is high", they are only willing to give a 100,000 yuan bride price, and everything is simple, but Xu Ying is still very excited.
She thought about it and did not want her marriage not to be blessed by her parents, nor did she want to have too much trouble with her parents because of marriage. Therefore, she tried to enlighten her parents and ease her relationship with her parents.
Of course, I did my parents’ ideological work here, and Xu Ying did not forget to remind Da Qi on the other side.
Three days before the wedding, after arranging Daqi to be more careful and don’t lose all the trouble, Xu Ying paused and said solemnly:
" I ignored my parents' persuasion and insisted on marrying you. In the future, you can’t betray me or do something that makes me sad. You can’t let me live a hard life with you! You have to have some backbone and prove with your own actions that I didn’t choose the wrong person. Also, I tell you, I signed an agreement for my parents and pressed my handprints. No matter how difficult it is, you cannot reach out to them, you cannot ask them for a penny, and you cannot ask them to help us do things! Don’t let me break my promise, we must rely on ourselves to make my parents look at you with admiration! ”
Originally Xu Ying meant to seek Daqi’s comfort and promise, hoping that Daqi could give her some motivation. After all, to this point, the future will be bitter or sweet, she cannot regret it, and she cannot let her parents look down on her. But unexpectedly, after being silent for a while, Daqi did not directly answer her, but asked her what agreement she signed? Why didn't you explain it to him in advance?
Xu Ying smiled and confessed, it was not something pre-marital agreement , it was just a bet she wanted to be strong and made with her parents.
Who knew that Da Qi suddenly became angry, "We are getting married, your parents are not willing to pay anything, and I don't give you a penny. I can ignore this, but you actually signed an agreement behind my back. Isn't your family nakedly guarding me? Since that's the case, why are you still marrying me? You say these to me now to highlight your greatness and make me feel grateful to marry you?"
Xu Ying didn't understand why Da Qi was angry, and she didn't mean what Da Qi said. However, before she could explain, Da Qi threw away the phone, "Forget it, let's talk about it."
Not only that, the next morning, Daqi told her that she had told her family that the wedding would be temporarily postponed, and they would discuss the wedding in detail after they both made it clear. After
, until now, Da Qi has never taken the initiative to call Xu Ying.
03
3Xu Ying said that she was very hit, but she didn't feel like asking questions anymore. She deleted all the contact information of Daqi and just pretended that there was never this person.
"My parents said that he wanted to marry me and then use my family's relationship. Unexpectedly, I blocked this road in advance, so he got angry! They also said that fortunately they didn't get the marriage certificate first and then hold the wedding, otherwise I would never have room for a look back! I always felt that he was not a person who was so cunning, and maybe he just simply thought that the agreement I mentioned made him lose face... Alas, it was quite embarrassing to get to this point, and I blamed myself for setting the wedding date so hasty and anxious that I ignored many realistic problems!"
As a bystander, to be honest, Xu Ying failed to get married to Daqi, which was also her luck.
hurriedly postponed the wedding because of a word. Even if this kind of man doesn't have any other intentions to marry Xu Ying, his style of doing things is extremely immature and steady.
In fact, marriage should be better if you are a match. At least two people are equal in all aspects and will not become sensitive and nervous just by a word or a small matter.
There are always people who think that their parents’ hard-working advice is unnecessary in marriage. In fact, calm down and think about it seriously. Even if what parents say is not all right, there is still some truth.
Regardless of men and women, they should be more cautious and rational in marriage matters. The more parents oppose, the more they will be against their parents. They should not fall into love for a while, and they should not quickly finalize their marriage without considering anything.
Many times, the asymmetry between two people's family is not terrible, but if they are "uneven in the same heart" or have their own thoughts, then this relationship will sooner or later break down.
