Better interaction of emotions is very important, and a knife-like mouth and tofu heart is very disadvantageous when getting along with both sexes.
Learn to express yourself positively and form a benign emotional interaction pattern so that your feelings will get better and better.
Fan Ellen cried and said to me:
"
Teacher, I often think that having a husband is not as good as not. I am angry, and he rarely comes to coax me on his own initiative. I told him:
"Don't you know to coax me?" "
He actually said that it was not his fault. This made me feel very hurt. And this situation often happens. My husband often says that I am annoying and don't talk to me.
Last weekend I asked him to accompany me to the supermarket to shop, but he said he didn't want to go, so I said:
"You just go with me, then in the circle of friends, they often go shopping together. Her husband can, why can't you? "
As a result, he actually said to me:
"Okay, why do you compare others with me? Other people's husbands are so good, you just dislike me! "
As a result, he told me that he would have a reunion with his classmates in the evening and might come back later. But the reunion with his classmates is true. The point is that his ex-girlfriend is also among his classmates.
I was very angry at the time, but I thought if I asked him, who did he go to have dinner with, it must be one. I was quarreled, not only could my husband not get rid of this problem, but he might be beaten by him, thinking that I don’t trust him.
What should I do? "
We all know that expression needs are a very important thing.
But in life, when we often express ourselves when we need another person, the needs we express completely change.
So today we will focus on how to better express our needs? There are many skills, so let’s talk about two major skills today:
#1
Use self-examination instead of angrily criticizing
We often encounter a situation where the other party has done something wrong and you hope the other party will change. For example, my husband came home late and drank with his friend until the early morning and didn't come back. You hope he recognizes the mistake and corrects this point.
For example, Ellen found me and said how to communicate better, so I suggested that you express your needs, and you can't say "I think you did something wrong, you need to change it."
First of all, you have to review the reason behind him cheating you, is it because you usually control his interpersonal relationships too strictly, which leads him to deceive you. If this happens, you should express yourself with a review.
You can say: "Husband, I think it's me bad."
He must be panicked and will ask you: "What's wrong?"
You can say:
"Did I control you too strictly, so you don't dare to tell me if you have an ex-girlfriend in your class reunion?"
Then you can continue saying:
Then you can continue saying:
ml0 "I think it may be my problem, I care too much. But if you have an ex-girlfriend with you, it doesn't matter if you tell me. Because I believe you.
You and her are already a past tense, and I won't be angry. Of course, I may have been angry before, but it will take some time for me to correct it. Is it OK?"
When you replace anger with review and you express your needs, you must allow yourself and the other party to not be able to do it for the time being. Give each other some time to face such things together.
#2
Replace control of joint decisions
We often encounter such situations. Men always say that we are very strong and always want to control him, but he is becoming lazy and can't even sit still at the sofa at home. We have to do everything ourselves, but there is no benefit.
Just like Ellen said to a man "Husband, take me to the mall to buy shoes tomorrow." is demand, that is, control.
If you use negotiation instead of control to express your needs, Ellen can say to her husband like this:
"Husband, do you have about 2 hours of free time on the weekend?"
Honey said: "I have nothing to do on the weekend."
Then Ellen said:
"Then can I take up two hours of your time? I want you to accompany me to choose the shoes to eat at your friend's house the day after tomorrow, because I'm wearing them for you to show you, so I can give you face. Of course, if you feel it's troublesome, forget it, I can go by myself."
Ellen's husband said: "Of course it's possible! It's okay anyway."
Then why did this communication succeed?
Because Ellen is exploring whether her husband has time and expression is not an instruction, making her feel that she has a choice. It is a bonus to say that picking shoes is for the other party to see.
and discuss instead of control, plus the complete process of adding value, makes him feel respect, he has the right to choose, and you understand him, at this time, he can't refuse you anymore.
