Can you start with friends with the people you like?
This seems to be a question that doesn’t need to be thought about. From strangers to familiarity, two people must have a transition from friends to friends.
As soon as you come up, you will scare people if you can get along with someone.
, and being friends is also a necessary stage before falling in love. Only those who can get along with each other for a long time can they get together.
is explained by the LAS model. Being friends with is the part of the atmosphere and resonance.
You get along with someone comfortably and happily, chat together, and have similar interests. This is your friend.
On this basis, you like each other. If you have the impulse to that aspect, even if your desire is in place, your friends can upgrade to couples.
As mentioned, this question is not "Can you be friends with the person you like first", but as long as you want to get along with him for a long time, you must be able to be friends.
does not have enough atmosphere and resonance to support it. No matter how strong the desire is, the relationship between couples is a mess, and they will be dispersed after taking two steps.
But many students will be stuck in this hurdle:
I and the people I like can indeed be friends, but I can't go further and become lovers. Over time, I will become friends/best friends who have no gender sense.
To put it bluntly, I was trapped in the friendship area.
The principle of trapped in the friendship area seems very simple. He has no desire for you, and there is no trouble in his arms and vests.
Some students will subconsciously think that there is no desire, is it because my appearance is not attractive enough? I didn't meet the standards of a beautiful woman in his heart, so he didn't like me?
appearance is the foundation of desire. Handsome men and beautiful women are definitely able to stimulate desire more than ordinary people, but many students ignore another key related to strong desire:
sense of distance, or familiarity.
Will people have desire for people who are out of reach?
may have, but usually not too many.
Most people usually stop at YY when facing idol stars, because we all know in our hearts that the distance is too far and there is no possibility.
Desire points to satisfaction, so too low availability will reduce desire.
The same principle is that men may like to see the beauty passing by, but few normal people really take action against the beauties on the street.
So, will people who are too close and too familiar with each other have desires?
Here are two situations.
It is possible that the other party had a good impression of you at first, and he also had desires.
But the posture you show is "friend". I treat you as a friend. Of course, you can't always think about begging me.
In the eyes of the other party, you are still very low in your ability. You are a "friend" and are the category that should not have desires.
His desire will naturally decrease.
Another situation is more troublesome, that is, the other party has no intention of that aspect to you, and if you want to be friends with him, he will not think about the aspect of "wanting to pursue you".
You may think that being friends is just a means to get closer to him. The closer the distance, the greater the possibility of development and the more opportunities it will be, right?
is, but not all.
Of course, being a friend has more opportunities to come into contact with him than being a stranger, but it should be noted that people will divide different relationships into different psychological expectations.
When your relationship is already a friend and the other party doesn't know that your real purpose is to fuck him, he will naturally go to the aspects of "talking" and "playing well".
In his opinion, if you want each other to have desires again, that is called unreasonable thoughts and will break your current state.
It is very likely that under the premise that the appearance conditions are similar, he would rather fantasize about a girl he is not very familiar with than fantasize about you.
is too familiar to be able to do it.
So many times you are trapped in the friendship area, it is not necessarily because the objective conditions do not meet the standard of "stimulating the other person's desire", but Your sense of distance is too close and familiarity is too high, which overshadows the sexual attraction.
You show sexual charm to a person who is too familiar with, and the other party’s first reaction is not surprise, but discomfort, because the element of desire suddenly squeezes in, breaking the comfort zone you have been together for a long time.
is really too familiar to me and I really can't do it.
What should I do?
Do you still want to be friends with people you like? How can you be friends so that you don’t affect your sex with him later?
is still what I said before. Friends still have to do it. The atmosphere and resonance should still be there, but the part of "stimulating desire" must not be left behind.
First of all, should not be friends for too long.
that is, cannot let familiarity far outweigh sexual attraction.
Especially for many men, their desires will reach their peak in the early stages of getting along with you. At the first glance, you already have fantasies.
then slowly slides down until it returns to the calm stage.
Once you miss the peak of the initial desire, the longer you spend time together as a friend, the more he will adapt to your current relationship. Whether subjective or objective, the part of desire will be diluted more and more.
The so-called childhood sweethearts cannot beat the sky, which is the reason.
If you say, it’s too late, you have been friends for a long time, is there any help?
has a possible effective remediation strategy, that is, You temporarily distance the distance for a period of time, and it will take a few months or even longer, so don’t meet and contact him frequently again.
First temporarily "destroy" your previously intimate and high familiarity relationship, and then try to establish a new relationship that is desire to join.
You didn’t do anything during this period, but come to the second key point:
Even if you are friends, you should create a gendered and feminine personality.
can't make you feel completely different from a girl in his heart. Holding your hand is like wrestling with a buddy.
This aspect comes from your dressing style - I don’t mean that girls should cater to men when dressing, but to be honest, the same girl, who has been dressed up carefully and is ungrateful and plain, will definitely have different appeals to men.
(In fact, gender reversal is also true.)
Most of the straight men's aesthetics are simple and direct. If you wear a skirt that shows off your figure, keep hairstyles that suit you, make up, wear high heels, use perfume, wear earrings and other jewelry...
Men will think you are more feminine.
Even if you are just his friend at the moment, he will treat you as a "friend of the opposite sex" rather than a buddy. The difference between
lies in "is there a possibility to stimulate desire".
On the other hand, your way of getting along cannot be too much like "brothers".
As for the most common example, a man will tell you a joke with a little color, and you say it with disdain, I have heard of this before, and then immediately say something yellower...
Or, a man asks you to have two drinks, and you will directly carry Erguotou and pour him down...
I don't mean that this is not good, but I have to be honest. This is how men get along with their same-sex friends.
So when a girl reaches this level, our understanding of her will naturally be more inclined to "she is like a boy" - just like a girl who meets a man who tells you about beauty and makeup every day, idol dramas and entertainment gossip.
You may not easily feel male hormones in him, and you have desire for him, right?
Finally, let’s talk about a keyword about stimulating desire:
The generation of desire is often enough attraction + moderate resistance .
A girl is very beautiful and has tempted me.
I wanted to take her shoulders, she took a step back and smiled shyly at me. This is resistance.
In this process of advance and retreat, desire will be stimulated to the greatest extent.
imagine another scene.
The girl is also very beautiful. I want to take her shoulders. She is very proud and put on my shoulders and hooked her shoulders with me.
...is it still sexy? Do you think the atmosphere is a bit weird?
This is why I mentioned before. It is difficult to have desires if I am too familiar with it because the "resistance" is not enough.
loses the sense of distance, and desire will be reduced.
If you like someone and want to deal with him, at least don’t be “friends” with him in the subsequent situation.
