After a husband betrayed the family, the first wife chose to forgive, and then the two of them lived well? Is it good to choose to forgive after encountering betrayal and live happily ever after? Of course there is, and there are actually quite a few cases that I know of.
But I have to remind you that even if you make the same choice to forgive, it does not mean that there will be the same ending.
For example: Bill Gates dropped out of college and started a business and became the richest man. If you drop out of school and start a business, you will probably lose everything. The same goes for relationships.
Those who choose to forgive and still live happily after encountering betrayal are not because they choose to forgive, nor because the cheating person does not want to divorce, but because after this incident, they are willing to devote time and energy to make things better together. direction to work hard.
The original match is not about whether to forgive, but how to forgive. For those who want to return to the family, it is not about whether to return, but whether there are practical actions to make both parties feel solid and stable. Only with this premise can your relationship have the possibility of happiness.
Then how to judge whether your feelings can also meet the standard of happiness after forgiveness? You can ask yourself this question first:
How much energy are you willing to put into repairing and redeeming your current marriage
Why are you asking this question? Because many people who come for counseling come to recover because they don’t want to divorce, but the reason behind not wanting to divorce is not because of love, not because they still have feelings, nor because they value the marriage, but because they may not want to worry their family members. , do not want to have an impact on their children, or just need the label of being married and a complete family, or are worried that they do not have independent financial capabilities, and are psychologically afraid of facing an unknown new life. Therefore, after such people choose to forgive, they will generally continue to maintain the original relationship, and the motivation to repair is not strong. In their minds, the only thing they need to do is to forgive the man, and then the remaining problems will be solved by this man. .
For example, a man should take the initiative to return, a man should take the initiative to make various promises and actions to make his original wife feel at ease, a man should take the initiative to appease his original wife's emotions, and a man should take the initiative to cut off external relationships. But as I said before, the person who wants to forgive must have specific needs for the marriage, and not be motivated enough to repair and manage the marriage because of external reasons. As for the person who wants to return, he must also have a sincere attitude and practical actions to return. Only then will your relationship have the basis to continue to be happy.
Now if you want to repair this marriage and want to continue it, both of you must realize that this relationship is worth repairing and make equal efforts. Only then can the rift caused by cheating be repaired.
Why do I say that you also have the same responsibility, because you are both a victim of betrayal of marriage, and when you want to continue, you must also realize that you are also a restorer. At the same time, don’t think that a cheating man can just say a word when he returns to the family. In fact, if your husband really wants to repent, his inner struggle and inner psychological activities will not be worse than those of the victim. No matter how little you are, if he sees your painful, anxious, and insecure state, he may have feelings of guilt, shame, and self-blame, and he may bear it from his own heart. Regarding the moral criticism from the outside world, you can also think about how many people in life are unwilling to bow their heads and admit their mistakes in some small things. They would rather fight, and sometimes even use a knife. They are not willing to bow their heads and admit their mistakes. Then face For a mistake like cheating, when he confesses his mistake to you, his heart is actually not as simple as you think.
Of course, I am not trying to excuse cheating men. You must take responsibility for making mistakes, but cheating does not mean that this man has no merit, and you still want to continue living with him, so he is wrong.It's her problem, he made a mistake at the time, that was her choice, but choosing to forgive, it's your choice. Learning to be responsible for one's own choices is a lesson that everyone must learn.
Of course, the premise for me to say all this is that he really wants to return to the state, rather than blindly empathizing with him and understanding him.
On this basis, two people work together to overcome difficulties and save your relationship. This process is certainly difficult, but only by learning to work together and face it together can you get out of the pain and liberate your life. Let your marriage have more possibilities of happiness in the future
I am Zihao, an advocate of rational marriage management. I have been engaged in emotional counseling for many years. I have seen a lot of misfortunes and still hope to help more people pursue happiness
In fact, most There is a chance for emotional crises to be reconciled, but many people find it difficult to handle the crisis correctly when they are panicked. They often resort to stalking, constantly guaranteeing commitments, cold war, flattery, looking for friends to persuade, or even directly Looking at fate and other wrong ways will make the situation worse and worse!
wants to confirm whether there is still a chance of getting back together. You can chat with me and help you conduct an emotional test. Using the right method is the key to emotional repair!
