friend Yongfang has been very distressed recently.
In the office, because of a small mistake, the leader aggressively demanded accountability. She felt very unhappy, so she replied:
"Can you be more professional and not so emotional?"
In an instant, the entire office fell silent, and the leader was stunned, and then turned away and ignored her.
That afternoon, Yongfang was anxious and distraught:
What happened at that time was like an old movie, playing in a loop in her mind.
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When she got off work, she was walking absentmindedly in the subway station.
A gust of wind blew, and her whole body was wrapped in the light warm wind. Suddenly, she realized:
In her long life, this matter has never happened at all. What kind of. But she was trapped in that moment, unable to extricate herself...
In fact, Yongfang's anxiety, distraught, and repeated thinking about negative events were actually a kind of meaningless internal friction.
Let’s talk today about how to stop internal friction.
Ineffective internal friction trap
In fact, the above-mentioned internal friction manifests itself in psychology as: rumination .
Rumination is very similar to reflection in that it involves an analytical thinking about past shortcomings.
However, healthy reflection is effective and allows people to grow, but rumination is useless.
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For example:
Six months after being fired, your mind keeps replaying the conversation with your boss and constantly thinking about his jerk behavior;
You had a fight with your superior and kept replaying the conversation with your boss.
The difference between reflection and rumination:
Intentionality.
Often, rumination is habitual and reflexive—something you do unconsciously.
Healthy reflection is often thoughtful and purposeful.
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Source: Pexels
motivation.
Healthy reflection is motivated by the desire to learn, grow, and become better.
Rumination is usually done to feel better.
For example, replaying an argument with a superior can increase the sense of control.
time, a certain degree of rumination is inevitable.
But if you find that you keep thinking about it, even if it's been a long time since it happened, then that's a sign of rumination.
Life-saving self-internal consumption
Self-internal consumption, mainly manifested in self-rumination.
Self-rumination refers to excessive thinking about oneself.
Often when negative events happen out of control, we feel helpless.
In order to avoid this feeling, we start to ruminate on ourselves:
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For example:
was rejected by crush, you feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, and you think about every word you said over and over again.
You regretted your impulsive confession, and now you felt embarrassed, as if you had no clothes on, and at the same time you felt like there was nothing you could do about what happened.
You can't help but think about how much better it would have been if you hadn't said those words and acted impatient.
Although it is uncomfortable, rumination will make you look more in control, as if:
You are back to before the confession, you can control everything.
But in fact, rumination is useless -
it only makes you feel good temporarily, it allows you to temporarily escape from the feeling of helplessness.
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The real solution is to confront your helplessness and face it head-on -
Acknowledging that helplessness feels bad and isn't actually dangerous means you can build a tolerance for it.
This is important because if you spend your time and energy avoiding feelings of helplessness, you won't have time to pursue what you want.
Feeling helpless sucks, but that doesn't mean we can't face it.
Slowly and steadily build a tolerance for helplessness and you will become truly happy.
Unable to stop angry internal consumption
Angry internal consumption mainly manifests itself as angry rumination, which is a special type of rumination.
In this kind of rumination, you are not reflecting on your own mistakes or flaws, but on the mistakes or flaws of others.
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For example:
Repeatedly recalling the accusations your partner made against you
Repeatedly recalling the terrible things your parents did to you
Why are we prone to angry rumination? In fact, angry rumination often makes people feel good.
Emotion researchers say anger is actually a "positive" emotion because the feeling itself is pleasurable.
Anger is a self-aggrandizing emotion.
It makes us feel good about ourselves, enhancing our sense of power and superiority.
Think about it: when you criticize someone for being an idiot, you are implying that you are smart.
Or when you judge others for being immoral or unethical, you are implying how right and good you are.
Although anger has its uses, when we use it as a drug-
to temporarily make ourselves feel better, it is tantamount to drinking poison to quench thirst.
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Chronic angry rumination has many disadvantages.
Including long-term stress, interpersonal difficulties, emotional management, etc.
If you want to stop ruminating, you need to develop self-awareness.
You need to be aware of your rumination and develop a healthier way to feel good.
3MS Laws to Stop Internal Conflict
So far, all strategies for combating internal rumination have been long-term –
They address the root causes of rumination.
While these methods are powerful, they are also slow and they don't work immediately.
Flexible use of the 3MS rule can help you stop rumination in the short term.
mobile.
Often the best way to get rid of rumination is to "move."
Go for a walk, go to the gym, do push-ups, rumination means the mind is stuck.
The best way to get rid of rumination is to move and connect with your body. Made by
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.
Use creativity and productivity to combat rumination.
For example, you can write, you can draw, you can cook, just doing something creative or productive - even something very small - is a great way to get rid of rumination.
contact.
Calling and texting an old friend, meeting with your children, looking at old photos, meeting up with, or thinking about your significant other can help you realize what is most important and help you get rid of rumination.
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written at the end
In the inner world, there are many phenomena of "drinking poison to quench thirst":
We win happiness by pleasing ourselves.
We strive to meet conditional self-love.
We ruminate to increase our sense of control and superiority.
The first step to find true happiness is correct understanding.
I hope today’s article can make you more self-aware and find your inner happiness as soon as possible.
Compiler: livvy Editor: Carbohydrate
Picture source: Pexels
First release: Yidianling Psychology (yidianling0)
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