Author: Tang Manfen (Fu Shu columnist) There is a popular saying on the Internet: low-quality social interaction is not as good as sleeping. It is true that ineffective social interaction is undoubtedly a waste of life. Interactions between people should neither be too casual and

Author: Tang Manfen (author of Fushu column)

There is a popular saying on the Internet: Low-quality social interaction is not as good as sleeping.

It is true that ineffective social networking is undoubtedly a waste of life.

In interactions between people, you should neither be too casual and lose your sense of proportion, nor should you be overly restrained and constrain yourself.

Only by following certain "game rules" can we become more and more popular.

The following three laws may seem heartbreaking, but they actually tell the true meaning of social interaction.

Cactus Law

There is a "Cactus Law" in psychology.

The general idea is that the reason why people drove the cactus into the desert is because it was covered with thorns, so it was alienated. In the end, it had to hide in the desert to "enjoy its beauty alone".

The ancients said: "Those who do not know how to be flexible will be destroyed by persistence."

Although a person must be sharp-edged, he should also know how to be flexible.

Many people think that people should be direct, and speaking if they don’t listen is out of good intentions, so they speak freely.

But as a person, sometimes you need to modify your words appropriately in order to accumulate more good popularity.

’s best friend Susu is a helpful and straightforward girl, but this “frankness” sometimes makes people uncomfortable.

At the beginning, she was not only willing to share her work experience with her colleagues without reservation, but also always enthusiastically helped everyone. Everyone especially liked this cheerful girl.

The leader also attached great importance to her and gave her many projects.

But gradually, Susu ruined a lot of cooperation because she spoke too directly, and the conflicts between colleagues deepened. She was fired after only half a year of working.

When Susu came to me crying, I curiously asked her what happened.

She said that during a meeting, a colleague brought up the opposite opinion to me. I refuted her confidently:

"I did a lot of data research to come to this conclusion. What about you? There is data to support it." "

After the meeting, the colleague never spoke to Susu again.

Another time, a colleague shared wedding photos in the office, and everyone else praised the colleague’s beautiful wedding photos.

Only Susu said: "Wedding photos are all in P. After spending so much money, the photos are not as beautiful as those taken with the original camera."

and so on.

Although Susu is right, saying it regardless of the occasion is particularly harsh. Over time, good popularity turns into isolation.

" The Book of Changes " writes: "If you are poor, you will change, if you change, you will be general, and if you are general, you will last."

It is not wrong to have a straightforward personality, but if you don't know how to be flexible in interpersonal communication, straightforwardness will become acupuncture, who Anyone who comes close to you will be hurt.

Over time, the thorns will accumulate more and more, and eventually it will become a "cactus" that is despised by others.

softens the hard thorns in your body, makes your language sound pleasant, and slowly you will take root in the social field.

Knowing how to be flexible is a kind of wisdom and a good way to deal with the world.

The Law of Trouble

There is a popular saying on the Internet: "If you don't want to be entangled in trivial matters, then you must make a choice when making a promise."

When we make a promise to others, we must see if it is within our capabilities. It's not just to please the other party, "yes to every request".

classmate Xiao Zhao is a warm-hearted person and is also known as a "Post-It Girl" in the eyes of others. Regardless of whether she is busy or not, as long as others ask for something, she will answer everything they ask for.

Some time ago, there was a female colleague in Xiao Zhao’s company who was newly pregnant, and this female colleague was known as a “troublemaker”.

She asked Xiao Zhao to help her handle the matter of maternity allowance . Xiao Zhao not only paid for gas expenses himself, but also paid for meals at his own expense.

However, due to incomplete procedures, the maternity benefit was not paid properly in the end.

This female colleague always spoke ill of Xiao Zhao:

"She looks very enthusiastic on the surface, but in fact she doesn't pay much attention to her work. If I hadn't been pregnant and had a big belly and it was inconvenient, I wouldn't have let her do it for me."

小Zhao was very angry after hearing this and determined not to help her anymore.

But after a while, the female colleague used the excuse that she was pregnant again, and insisted on asking Xiao Zhao to help run errands and find a house.

Xiao Zhao later relented and agreed again, but this time Xiao Zhao was busy and traveled all over the city.

On the day of the transaction, the female colleague said that she did not need to rent a house for the time being. Xiao Zhao was very angry and would not get back the agency fee he paid in advance.

Just like what is said in the "Law of Trouble": Half of the troubles in life are caused by agreeing too quickly and rejecting too slowly.

In interpersonal communication, being a good and talkative person often does not bring you social convenience, but will bring you a lot of trouble.

Bai Yansong once said: " Why do people take you less and less seriously? It's because you are so easy to talk to. You will agree to anything as soon as you are asked, and you will give me anything as soon as you ask for it. ".

Never say no, or agree too quickly, which are social taboos in the adult world.

Sometimes, knowing how to say no is a required course in interpersonal communication. Learning to say "no" can solve 80% of your worries.

Never underestimate a person who knows how to say no. This does not mean selfishness, but a sign of maturity.

The law of prejudice

There is a classic line in " Nezha: The Devil Boy Comes into the World ": "People's prejudice is a big mountain in the heart."

In the process of interacting with others, there is more or less a "filter" ".

However, some "filters" make people unhappy and create resentment. We call it prejudice.

There is an English teacher Li in the postgraduate entrance examination tutoring class . He is a man in his 30s. He wears "hakama" all day long, has long hair, walks like a "cat walk", and even speaks in a quaint voice.

During recess, everyone would tease him: "What a girl!"

Even other teachers in the institution often laughed at him behind his back.

Until one noon, another classmate and I were eating in the restaurant downstairs, and we happened to encounter a conflict between a foreigner and a waiter.

The foreigner chattered for a long time, but the waiter didn't understand a word. When Teacher Li saw this, he took the initiative to ask the reason.

The foreigner said: "I just took anti-inflammatory medicine and drank alcohol. I'm worried that something will happen."

Teacher Li comforted the foreigner and said: "There is a provincial hospital not far from here. I will take you to the hospital for examination. Let's take a moment."

After the exchange, the two people immediately took a taxi to the hospital.

At that moment, I felt that Teacher Li was like a superman. Later, I heard from the restaurant owner that when Teacher Li just graduated, he was particularly sunny and handsome.

But later he discovered that formal classroom teaching was not effective in improving grades. On the contrary, after changing to such a "virtual girl" image, the students' grades improved by leaps and bounds.

After pretending to be a "pseudo-girl" for a long time, Teacher Li became like this.

Moreover, Teacher Li is also a warm-hearted person. There is a rental house opposite the restaurant where a grandfather and grandson live. The little boy has no parents. The grandfather works as a sanitation worker on this street. When Teacher Li found out, he gave the little boy free English tutoring. Until graduating from high school.

After listening to this, I realized that people should not be judged by their appearance, and I was in awe of Teacher Li.

Prejudice is sometimes like poison, which can paralyze people's eyes or even their entire nerves, making you habitually think that someone is "evil".

reminds me of a popular saying on the Internet: "All discrimination comes from prejudice, and all prejudice comes from ignorance."

We always have prejudices against things we are not familiar with, such as:

When we see someone with tattoos, we think they are street gangsters;

When we see a female driver on the road, we think she is a "road killer";

When a girl wears too much makeup, she is definitely not a serious girl...

Prejudice stems from "ignorance". When we meet an unfamiliar person or thing, the first thing we have to do is not to judge, but to understand.

When you understand it deeply, you will find that many things are not what you imagined.

Therefore, in interpersonal communication, only by tearing off the outer layer of prejudice can we see a better world.

The philosopher Protagoras said: "Man is the measure of all things."

Everything that exists in the world has a certain measure, and of course social interaction is no exception.

The above three laws of interpersonal communication remind us that when communicating with others, we cannot take it for granted. We need to recognize the of human nature and at the same time, cannot be burdened by the weaknesses of human nature.

Only when you get rid of the "thorns" in your body and know how to speak properly can you get along with others comfortably;

Say "no" bravely and show your bottom line, so that you will not get entangled in trivial matters;

Take off your "colored" glasses and avoid If you judge people by their appearance, you will gain more friendships.

Interactions between people are like playing games. Only by following the rules of the game can we play with ease.

like it, you and I encourage each other.

About the author: Tang full score , the columnist of Fu Shu, the person of Fu Xiaoshu , the Scorpio born in the 90s, the little cutie who only remembers happiness and knowledge , this article: Fu Xiaoshu, the best best friend around you, Fu Book 2018 launches new book "Good Life"