A letter from a reader said: Three months ago, I had a fight with my husband over trivial matters in life. Since then, I can clearly feel that my husband has become much colder towards me, and he and I have started sleeping in separate rooms. During this period, I foolishly thoug

A reader wrote this:

Three months ago, I had a fight with my husband over trivial matters in life. Since then, I can clearly feel that my husband has become much colder towards me, and he and I have started sleeping in separate rooms. During this period, I foolishly thought that my husband had a bad temper (previously, when I had a fight with my husband, he would take the initiative to apologize to me the next day or a day or two, even if it was clearly me who was in the wrong). Only a few days ago, after I inadvertently saw the letter of guarantee written by my husband to his lover in his handbag, I realized that my husband had deliberately quarreled with me and deliberately ignored me, just to show his loyalty to his lover.

The whole process of our quarrel at that time: My husband and I were sitting on the sofa watching TV. He wanted to watch the sports channel, and I wanted to watch the entertainment channel. Just because of this, he started to quarrel with me.

The general content of the guarantee in his handbag is: He has a lover outside marriage, and he promises his lover that he will only be good to his lover in his future life.

I find this very ridiculous: Since my husband loves his mistress so much, why doesn’t he divorce me? I am not a woman who cannot afford a divorce.

Currently, my husband works in a state-owned enterprise and his monthly income is only a little over 3,000. I run a small clothing store and earn over 100,000 yuan a year. The reason why I married my husband in the first place was because I thought his job was stable and he was a bit handsome. After discovering that my husband was involved in an extramarital affair, we had another big fight and I filed for divorce.

Husband’s feedback on the divorce: He tore up the guarantee letter in front of me; he called the mistress in front of me and broke up; he slapped himself twice in front of me , and begged me to forgive him.

would like to ask: Do I need to forgive my husband who is such a jerk?

Muzi Li Emotional Analysis:

Return your marriage to the period when you were in love, and use the so-called stereotype to define your relationship: Maybe there were some traditional people at that time who felt that your husband had a stable job, but you did not , think you are not worthy of your husband. But the end result is: you get married. In real life, the marriage scene in our imagination should be: talented men and beautiful women, but many beautiful women marry men with superior family backgrounds, or because men with superior family backgrounds can provide beautiful women with a rich life. When it comes to love, it's all about being mean, and love is a choice that follows your heart. Whether this relationship is comfortable or reliable, you have the most say. For this reason, we see various types of couples in life.

Now, let’s discuss the rights and wrongs in your marriage with your husband: 1) If your husband cheated on you during marriage, he did something wrong; 2) After the cheating period, you either divorce or forgive, there is no right or wrong. After your husband cheated on you, although he behaved in some excessive ways in front of you, he also concealed the truth in front of you. If you hadn't seen the letter of guarantee he wrote to his lover, you would have foolishly thought that your husband had a bad temper. Faced with the fact that their lover cheated on them, most people who choose to divorce do it because they can't live with it and because of the instigation of people around them. Therefore, regarding the ultimate direction of marriage, following your own heart is the most rational choice. After all, everyone has different acceptance levels of cheating.

Things we need to understand: During the duration of the marriage, couples will experience too many trivial things. If they choose to divorce, they will also experience too many trivial things. Life is not that simple. As long as you feel that your lover's behavior has not disappointed you enough, you can choose to forgive. After all, others will only give you general advice on forgiveness or divorce. As for the direction your life will develop in the future, except for your parents, children or lover (without divorce), do you think other people will Do you care about your life or death?

The affair of a lover cheating is indeed very frustrating, but there are also too many common experiences and ties between husband and wife.The reason why two people who are not related by blood can become so-called "intimate lovers" is not because they have too many experiences with others that they have never had with others, or because they continue to be mean in this relationship. The impulse? In fact, you are financially independent and can live a very good life without your husband. If you really wanted a divorce, you would not write to me at all. Since you need someone who encourages you and enlightens you not to divorce, then I support your decision not to divorce. During this period, you need to have a sincere dialogue with your heart, and don’t confide casually to the people around you, because there is simply no empathy in this world.

Life is not acting, how can it be easily separated; life is not a accumulation of beautiful love, there will always be too many ties related to daily necessities. When two people have been together for a long time, the accumulation of mutual devotion, the formation of living habits, and the existence of children are the reasons why two people cannot easily withdraw from a relationship. For this reason, in our perception, we may feel that some couples are quite well matched, and after the news of their divorce comes out, we will feel sorry for them; or in our perception, we may feel that some couples should have divorced long ago. But their lives go on. Maybe sometimes, we are not wrong, we just have different perceptions.

still wants to remind all people in the siege that life itself has made it difficult for us to cope. Why can't we use a simple way to manage family life? Perhaps when you first get involved in an extramarital affair, you will feel that everything is new and beautiful, but after the extramarital affair is discovered by your lover, or you want to break up with your lover but are entangled by your lover, you often regret it. At this time, even if you get forgiveness from your lover or resolve your lover's entanglement, this process must be very painful. For this reason, we must try to make subtractions in the adult world. Only when life tends to be simpler will people not feel tired.

Editor’s postscript:

Perhaps some people’s work is relatively easy and they have ample rest time each year, so they may feel bored at this time. In fact, there are many things you can try at this time: clean up your home, read more books, give yourself some time to exercise, watch the news, talk about life with friends, chat with your parents, or have a An easy trip. These are all meaningful and effective ways to kill time. Why should you use extramarital affairs to entertain yourself?

Although people are destined to die, the meaning of life will be determined by their own actions. If you want your life to be glorious and fulfilling, you should do more meaningful things. Although sometimes we say that people in this era are more impetuous, most people still cherish justice and morality, so don't let yourself become a clown. Not only will you be spurned by people around you, but you will also be looked down upon by those around you. During this period, if you are really bored, you can also find a part-time job to pass the time.

(pictures from the Internet, pictures and texts have nothing to do with it)