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In interpersonal relationships, we will find that if a person is very popular, then he must be very valuable.
The famous social psychologist Horsman once put forward a theory about interpersonal relationships: Interpersonal communication is essentially a process of social exchange, which can give each other what each other needs, so we must know that true interpersonal relationships Guanxi is actually a "reciprocal" relationship.
Why is your personal network always so bad? Because you habitually do one more thing.
If a person always likes to do one more thing - being self-centered and starting from his own perspective, then this person's popularity will be very poor.
The famous interpersonal relationship expert Carnegie once said: "Everyone cares about themselves very much, but people with very high emotional intelligence also know that if you want to really have very good connections and value, you must know how to take the initiative with others. Communicate, and be able to use your abilities to help others, mobilize your usefulness to let others see value in yourself, and win the favor of others.
The reason why a person is so popular is because he is always centered on himself. , if we want to have more connections, we must know how to let go of the egocentric mentality, understand others from their perspective, understand their inner needs, and bring sufficient benefits to others, so that we can have better value. Network.
Or from an economic perspective, interpersonal relationships are also a kind of "equivalence theory", also called "equity theory". The related concept in psychology is the "reciprocity principle", which means that people are establishing relationships. When you are young, you will pay great attention to gains and losses, and pay attention to whether what you give can be returned in proportion to the other party. If the relationship is fair, it will last, if it is unfair, it will break up!
And there is a saying: "People who are similar are suitable to be friends, and people who complement each other are suitable to be lovers." The reason why a person is more popular is that he can resonate with the people around him
because the so-called "sense of similarity" can make others feel satisfied. Because you will find that your opinions are recognized by others, and when you have the same ideas, values and desires as others, you can establish a relatively "close relationship", which is called "attitude" in psychology. "Consistency".
If we want to get support from more people and have better and more stable connections, we must know how to give others a certain amount of help. If we ask for too much, our relationships will become worse and worse. Only Only by maintaining a balance can we create a relatively equal relationship. Equality is the foundation and extension of an intimate relationship.
So if we always only care about ourselves and do not know how to maintain a balance between both parties, we will lose friends, lose connections, and establish a "seesaw." "Types of connections are the key to long-term relationships.
Here we also need to redefine the so-called connections. The real value of "connections" is not the number of people you know, but the value of connections and the benefits that connections bring. Equivalent exchange.
There is a law in psychology called " Six-person Law ", which means that any two people can be connected through six people, and then everyone can use this network to establish relationships with strangers. So they get to know each other.
The so-called value of expanding your network of contacts lies in getting to know more people who can improve yourself, and finding a balance point so that your network of contacts is not an ineffective network of contacts.
Because everyone is relatively selfish in society, so-called interpersonal communication is essentially a process of social communication. Only by maximizing the interests of the other party can you maximize your own interests.
Therefore, if you want to have more useful connections, the most important thing you should do is not to put yourself in the center, but to think about the problem from the other person's perspective and make the other person feel that they can gain great value from you. This kind of relationship is actually very close without maintaining it.
You have become a community of interests, thus continuously deepening and forming a solid network of relationships, and eventually becoming your own personal network.
Therefore, those who do not have a wide network of connections and have bad relationships with others are partly because of their own personalities, and partly because they are "too self-centered". When others do not feel any value in you, You will feel that this relationship is not necessary to maintain, and it will become an invalid connection.
Therefore, the real network is that the common needs between each other do not need to be maintained by frequent phone calls, gifts, and flattery, but that you have become a community of interests.
When you are strong enough, able to think from the other person’s perspective, and make the other person recognize you in terms of thoughts and actions, then the other person can become your network, and you can have more valuable equivalences between you. Exchange, at this time, the network can truly play a role in expanding the value of economic effects.
- The End -
author | Tommy
editor | No Rain
first psychological writing team | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
References: Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018) . Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205
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