Do you not regard your lover as your lover, are you resistant to help and advice from others, and are you anxious?
For example, if you are devoted to work, you are afraid that if you don't do so, you will be looked down upon or even abandoned by the people around you...
Not only treat your lover as a lover, but also dote on him and seek the missing maternal or fatherly love...
Inwardly resist the help of others or Suggestion, be unable to accept other people's good intentions, because it will cause some sense of humiliation...
Have you ever encountered a situation where you were not accepted by others? The book "Growing While Injured" emphasizes that you must face reality bravely, do not wrong yourself, and live well.
How can we not wrong ourselves and live well?
1. The perfect trap for cunning people
The person who refuses to communicate is not you but the other party.
When you express your thoughts, the other person will either say "How could you say that", or "You are too willful" or "Why are you so selfish?"
If what you say is "unpleasant" and does not satisfy their feelings, they will label you as "unpleasant".
They can't understand that you are flesh and blood just like them. This is the premise of "communication" between you.
This is like I encourage you to build a 100-story building but don't let you use reinforced concrete.
first sets unachievable conditions and then asks you to do it, and then it becomes "I obviously agree."
Many people in this world have been fooled around by the sweet words of cunning people, and finally fell into their well-designed traps.
They will say something important to themselves, cleverly packaged into something important to you.
Since what they say does not represent their true intentions, then don't take what they say seriously.
Only in this way can you escape from this perfect trap.
As long as they don't take your ideas seriously, the result will be the same no matter what you say.
Many people feel that people can always find ways to communicate with each other, and this is why they have been unable to escape from cunning elements.
This trap is more perfect than you think. Because of this, you need to strengthen your will to not let anyone "manipulate" my life.
Therefore, when facing a cunning person, you must be good at seeing through his traps and not being trapped by them.
2. Decisively say "no"
My answer to the life question of how to live when you are not loved is this:
Look at the hatred disguised as love, the greed disguised as ignorance, and muster up the courage to cut off these A deceptive relationship.
Maybe your parents don't love you, they don't even love you, and the evidence is that you still can't get rid of them.
Because they only care about their own face and completely ignore your grievances, why should you be so persistent with them?
Your friends look down on you and take advantage of you from the bottom of their hearts, so why should you distort your true self for them?
Be sure to say "no" firmly, even if it makes you feel guilty.
Having grown up in an environment full of deceit, your so-called guilt and human nature are essentially just the fear of negative judgment from others.
is not noble at all. Please reflect on yourself. If you feel like you can't speak up, then you are just a coward using a so-called conscience to rationalize your dependence, and you are as much a liar as those around you.
Only when you truly admit your inner self-deception can you truly trust yourself and stand up.
If you continue to lie to yourself, you will never be able to trust yourself or tell others.
When you no longer see through the deceptions of the people around you, you will also see through the self-deception in your own heart. Trying to escape this test is tantamount to my own destruction.
Therefore, when conflicts arise, you must say no decisively.
3. Laughter can be an escape from anxiety
It is said that the last defense mechanism of those who are disappointed in themselves is to blame others.
Similarly, if you want to get the approval of others, but others do not do what you want, in order to resolve the inner conflict, you may also adopt this method of denying others and contact them like this.
People who lose contact with others like this often have a negative filter.
But no matter how much he is denied in language, his dependence will not disappear and his anxiety will not be alleviated.
He actually just wants to be superior to others by negating them.
Because of this, his words of denying others are sometimes very fierce. Such people will long to be close to him, but unknowingly avoid his side. They clearly want to pursue happiness in the worldly sense, but they are not aware of it. Sleep is the opposite of happiness.
There are so many people like this. On the one hand, they long for worldly happiness, but on the other hand, they care about what others think. In this case, their wishes will never come true.
In fact, when they start to bluff to cover up their secrets, their deep desire for happiness will become stronger, so why can't they admit this?
because once admitted it means.
They admit their true selves, but they cannot admit their true selves, because in their eyes, the person with 18 layers of filters is the true self.
In short, people will avoid anxiety by pestering and denying others, but the way to get rid of anxiety is far more than just laughter. In fact, it is also a good way to escape anxiety.
I laughed a lot when I was young.
"You are giggling again." For some reason, people always said this to me in the past.
But I didn’t see this kind of laughter as anything bad. I even thought it was a sign of my cheerful personality.
However, after reading the book "The Meaning of Anxiety" by Rollo May , I suddenly felt a little uncomfortable. The book said: Laughing is actually a way to fight anxiety. Although I feel that my The size is due to a cheerful nature.
But it seems that there may be other reasons. In the past years when I was crazy about reading, I forgot to read a sentence somewhere, to the effect that: happiness and laughter are two different things.
This sentence itself stayed deeply in my mind. When similar views clearly appeared in Rollo May's clinical analysis of anxiety, I began to feel that this was really the case.
In the book "The Meaning of Anxiety", Rollo May wrote: Although he seemed to be more comfortable when talking, signs of anxiety and tension could be seen underneath.
This kind of nervousness is reflected in the fact that he often laughs cheerfully, but when he laughs, his eyes make them full of wariness.
often showed unusually surprised expressions when talking and laughing.
Therefore, laughter is good, and you should laugh often.
The book "Growing While Injured" tells us: Have the courage not to be loved and love yourself well.
If there is someone who has been standing by your side to accompany you in times of hardship, you must cherish it. Some people wish they had never known you at this time and put aside all the past. Only love can lead to shared responsibilities. I wish I could stand in front of you immediately to block the right, wrong and harm for you.
In these years, many things have disappeared like shadows, such as youth, hope, happiness, confidence, and perseverance. But I believe that all this temporary disappearance will definitely reappear tomorrow. I cast them into every ordinary day with faith, work hard and be grateful. #I am creating in the headlines#​#Self-disciplined life development record#​#Open my life diary#​
