Do you feel that you don’t have the confidence to do anything? When you encounter difficulties or challenges, you will choose to escape and think that you can’t do anything well. And there are obviously very important things to do, but what I want to do more is to check my phone for a while, or play games. That means you have fallen into the deep pit of "self-obstacle".
"Ego disorder" is a phenomenon of self-psychological defense. This phenomenon is actually because you are not confident that you will achieve satisfactory results in the current matter, so you will create unfavorable situations for yourself in advance so that you can find reasons and excuse yourself when you fail in the future.
Have you ever thought about how your mental state came about? Where did your lack of confidence come from?
1. Root cause
Let's take a look at the causes of "self-obstruction" from two aspects. Here you should be able to find the answer that you have not been able to get for a long time.
1. Innate factors | Continuation of genes
In the long evolution of human beings, "self-protection" is an important gene that has been inherited. He will cause us to avoid harm when we face danger. "Self-barrier" is a type of self-protection. Simply put, "self-barrier" is human nature.
For example: at work, your boss assigns you a task, and you will give your boss a vaccination first. For example, you have a cold recently, or the data is incomplete, etc., so that your boss knows in advance that you have some objective reasons. , if the task cannot be completed, it is not because of your inability, but because of other factors. The purpose is just to find a reason for yourself to explain the failure.
But in fact, you are just protecting your dignity and image. Because we are afraid of being laughed at, afraid of being looked down upon by others, afraid of not being recognized by others. This is actually the instinct of human evolution from to .
2. Acquired factors | Character development
There are many friends around me who like to deny themselves. There are also outstanding people among them. Many times, they are afraid of screwing up the great opportunity in front of them; moreover, they cannot bravely face marriage and love, thinking that they are not worthy of the other person.
So why do so many people like to deny themselves?
Fan Deng said when talking about family education that when a child is young, his parents often deny and suppress him, which will make him less confident. When children do anything, they will say: "This won't work, and that won't work." Although parents think they are protecting their children, they cause hidden harm to their children's psychology. Although children will not say anything at the time, But this hurt will remain in his subconscious and eventually become his hidden personality.
There is a good thing in the world: "Mom and Dad are good for you!"
Imagine if such a thing happened in our own childhood? For example: When you were a child, you wanted to buy a blue dress, but your mother said that blue doesn’t look good and white is more suitable for you. And you don’t dare to resist your mother’s opinion, so in the end you can only obey your mother’s opinion. Although it may seem like an innocent remark, it has already damaged your self-confidence.
When you grow up, you feel that you lack the confidence to do anything. At work, you don’t dare to rush or do it when faced with excellent opportunities. You think that you are not capable enough and can’t do the current thing well, time and time again. If you miss the opportunity, you will end up in obscurity in your career, doing the most tiring work for the lowest salary. And your life is like being locked up in a house, unable to see the outside world, thinking that your current life is the ceiling of your life.
If you can see this, it means that you don’t want to be an ordinary and inactive person. So what you need to do now is to break through and change.
2. Method
Now that we understand the reasons for the formation of the "self-barrier" phenomenon, we need to find methods based on the problem.
1. Digitize yourself
Most people with self-disorders lack confidence and always doubt their abilities when faced with difficulties. Feeling that you can't complete the current thing, and finally letting yourself fall into anxiety.
The first thing we need to do is self-analysis. We can analyze ourselves in multiple dimensions, such as personality, skills, physical condition, family environment and other factors. My suggestion is that you write all these on paper and treat yourself as your customer and the product to be sold. Concrete and digitize your strengths and weaknesses. In the era of big data, others are analyzing you, why don’t you analyze yourself?
You need to have a clear understanding of your own abilities and think carefully about your strengths and weaknesses, which are your strengths and which are your weaknesses. When encountering difficulties or challenges, I will compare and evaluate my strengths and weaknesses. If the strengths outweigh the weaknesses, I can take the next step: "Be brave enough to face it."
2. Have the courage to face
Failure does make us anxious, and we are indeed afraid of failure. There is no way to control this, because it is a normal reaction of human beings, that is, emotions. But without the courage to face difficulties, how do you know you will succeed? Or will it fail? All you have to do is to be brave enough to take the first step - accepts . When you accept it, the thing is half done.
The most difficult thing in life is not from 1 to 100, but from 0 to 1. And a person who has never faced difficulties will never start from 1, and he will always stay in the dark cloud of ignorance. Do you think those social elites are born with a halo? They also failed again and again, tried again and again, and finally became what you see.
When you accept the difficulty, you will try your best to find a solution from the difficulty. Even if you fail to complete it in the end, you still get something that others do not get. This is your growth. You did it, others didn't, this is experience, this is cognition. The more you experience, the more clearly you will see the dome of your life and the world outside the dome.
Therefore, you have to cheer up and give yourself more confidence. Believe that doing something is better than not doing anything. Don’t be afraid and face it bravely. No one in the vast sea of people except your family cares about your failure. The only one you have to care about is yourself.
Ok, I’ll share it here today. Asking for likes and attention. See you next time.
