Text/ Seven-Year Wood
Source: "South Wind" public account
Picture source: Internet (intrusion and deletion)
When did you start to realize that you are a "strong" girl?
I probably started in college.
On weekdays, I am used to twisting bottle caps alone, used to carrying a schoolbag full of professional textbooks across most of the school, and even used to moving alone with a huge suitcase...
Although I know in my heart that I If you are a girl, if you encounter difficulties, just talk to the boys around you and you will get help easily.
But I just don’t want to trouble others.
obviously can get things by acting coquettishly, but he grits his teeth and says "whatever";
can obviously get things by showing weakness, but he still likes to resist alone.
Underneath that seemingly weak appearance, there is a heart of "becoming strong" deeply buried.
This is true even in love. I am not used to boys giving unilaterally. Everything must come and go.
If the other party treats you to dinner this time, you must find a reason to invite him back next time;
When you receive a gift from the other party during the holidays, you will also estimate the price and give you a similar or even more expensive gift.
Obviously boys always smile and say: "No need, you are my girlfriend, I should pamper you."
But I always feel that compared with accepting the love of the other party blindly, maybe this kind of "what comes, there goes" "Return" love can make me feel more comfortable.
I thought there was nothing wrong with all this, until one day, my roommate said to me: "You, as a girl, you can't be so strong. Boys like girls who are sweet-tongued and submissive."
I was still wondering what "" When she was sweet and soft-spoken, my roommate began to talk to me endlessly about the big-name cosmetics on her table and the big-name bags in her closet - this set of SK2 was given by a senior who chased her when she was a sophomore, and this LV The bag was given by her ex-boyfriend, and the bottles of Channel perfume she commonly used now were given by her current boyfriend...
I reflexively asked: "Then what did you give them?"
She had a look on her face He looked at me doubtfully: "Do you need to give me anything? Isn't this what you can get by acting coquettishly?"
I was silent, looking at the proofs of "being loved" with envy.
I had insomnia all night that day, thinking over and over whether it was because of my "strongness" that I missed too many things along the way.
I also admit that for a moment, I was shaken.
But the final result is always the same - I shook my head and said to myself: " You have to fight for what you like. "
Perhaps it is because I have heard too many similar stories - those who quit their jobs and stay at home after getting married. Women who devote themselves wholeheartedly to their families are always betrayed completely by men who say "I will support you" in the end.
Who didn’t have an enviable good looks when they were young? It's just that beauty grows old in a blink of an eye and never looks back.
Perhaps they once had a sweet time where they were like each other, and they also heard countless envious words from friends around them.
They all naively thought that they had chosen the right path of seemingly happiness.
It wasn't until they witnessed with their own eyes the "sisters" who came from nowhere on the phone of the person next to them, or the unexplained transactions in the bank card,
that they suddenly realized that when their lives are completely dependent on others, It's a terrible thing.
Because others only need a small action to make the peaceful life fall apart in an instant.
I know very well that I don’t like this kind of life in the hands of others. At this moment, I suddenly understood why I chose to be a "strong" girl.
The roommate with whom she had the best relationship when she was in school, after marrying the man who kept saying "I will support you", she resolutely quit her job with good prospects, and her ending was the same as most people who choose this job. The same as the people on the road.
I still remember the first thing she said to me after the divorce was: "I really envy you. You can buy the things you want by yourself, and you can live the life you want on your own."
Maybe I have read too much and listened. There are so many stories like this, so I want to hold everything I can - security, happiness and satisfaction in my own hands. I'm not pretending to be strong, it's not that I don't want to I am loved, but I don’t want to become a person who is always speculating and worrying about whether I am still loved.
I always feel that only the sense of security that I have earned step by step will prevent me from slipping away without saying a word.
I still remember that when I just graduated from college, I came to Beijing alone to work hard. Being born in a small city, I was not used to this fast-paced and high-stress life at first, and I was often forced to live alone. Silently crying under the quilt.
has lived in a basement and lived a life of hunger and satiety.
My parents were so distressed that they couldn’t stand it any longer, and they tried to persuade them earnestly: “Look at that so-and-so who you played very well with when you were young. He also came back from studying in a big city, and now he is working as an HR in a state-owned enterprise here. In the past few days, the baby's full moon party has been organized. I think the family is quite happy. Don't be so ambitious all day long. Just have a stable job when you come back and a stable salary of several thousand yuan every month. We also I don’t need to rely on you to support me.”
I know that my parents just want me to relax, so that if something happens, the whole family can take care of each other.
But I still resolutely stayed in Beijing. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go back, but their words made me feel that they still didn’t believe that I could rely on myself to gain a foothold in this strange city step by step.
It’s not that there is no way out for girls who want to be strong, it’s just that they have been looked down upon by too many people around them and heard too many doubts.
The more people dislike them, the more they want to keep going.
Today, I no longer need to crowd into a big office with many people. I have also changed from a clerk who stayed up late every day writing documents to a department head who can make decisions about documents; my rental trajectory has also changed. I slowly moved closer to the city center from the suburbs, until now, I built a small house of my own in a pretty good area.
I have suffered and been tired, but I have never regretted it. I am also very lucky that I am a "strong" girl.
I used to hear adults say: "Children who cry get candy."
Perhaps along the way, because I am stronger, I did miss a lot of "candy" from the people around me, but I gained something that was unique to me. of those candies.
Those candies that no one can take away.
I still remember the excitement when I got the key to my room. I remember when I took my parents to a luxury store for shopping, I saw the envious eyes of the girl next to me who was acting coquettishly with her boyfriend. I remember how the people around me never thought highly of me but praised me for my success. .
So, back to the question at the beginning - "Will girls who are stronger live happily?"
To be honest, I don't know.
But I know that being able to rely on myself to live the life I want is also a kind of happiness.
END
Author introduction:
Author: Qiyan. I spread myself out on a piece of manuscript paper and waited for the years to bring some moss.
"South Wind"
The sixth issue in 2022
- Newly launched -
Recommended in this issue
A new work with exquisite writing style
"Spring Breeze Farewell to Old Songs"
Author: Yun Shen
Excerpt from the article:
The pear color on the broken jade head The silver ingot shone very brightly under the candlelight, and Song Chen couldn't help but be distracted by some dust-laden memories.
He remembered that she always pestered him to listen to the new songs she learned. Her favorite was to sing the song "The Peony Pavilion". She pretended to be Du Liniang, but she didn't like the commonly used emerald outfit, and she always wore pear-colored silver ingots.
Memories came like a flood. He thought that by burying the memories in the abyss, he would forget about them and stop being greedy. But once he remembered them, the heart-piercing pain and memories seemed to be still yesterday.
He looked at the hazy mist and rain on Chang'an Street, as if that night seven years ago was also a rainy night, with heavy rain pouring down like a falling sky. He had been kneeling outside the palace all day and night.
