My cousin and my cousin got divorced, which surprised everyone.
My mother said: "Your cousin is a heartless man. When that incident happened, your cousin-in-law put her whole heart and soul into saving him."
She was talking about a few years ago when my cousin went out of business. There was a car accident, and the person's life or death was uncertain in ICU. The driver who caused the accident had no insurance and no money, so the family members had to pay for the rescue.
ICU spends money like water. The cost of craniotomy is so high that I have no friends. The doctor said that even if he is rescued, he may be in a vegetative state.
As for the cousin and his sister-in-law, they divided the house in order to demolish it. They are legally a divorced couple, and the property is in the name of the cousin and sister-in-law.
At this time, it makes sense for my cousin to not spend money to rescue people, or to choose a conservative plan.
When the whole family was worried, my cousin-in-law said without hesitation: No matter how much money she paid, she would accept becoming a vegetative state.
As the man’s family, we, apart from tears of gratitude, are left with sincere admiration.
Later, with the full treatment of doctors and the careful care of his family, my cousin gradually improved, and after half a year, he was basically no different from ordinary people.
At that time, I thought: After their husband and wife have experienced such hardships together, they should be inseparable for the rest of their lives.
Who knew that five years later, the two people still came to the end of their marriage, and the cousin and cousin changed from a fake divorce to a real divorce.
Marriage is really the most complicated thing in the world.
They once loved, worked hard together, raised children together, and even advanced and retreated together in the face of great disasters.
There was no cheating, no betrayal, or even a big fight, but in the end, they parted ways.
In the final analysis, the essence of marriage is just a transaction of value matching.
In the past, you had no choice but to match the most suitable resources nearby. You were the most suitable partner he could find, and he was also the best person you could get, that's all.
Only later, when your career is successful and your social status has risen, you all have more choices. At this time, whether you still choose the person in front of you has never depended on your conscience.
The original oath of eternal love was not false, it was the true meaning at that time; today's clean break is not false, it is the choice of today.
I can only say that people's hearts are changeable and original intentions are hard to keep. Adults no longer talk about right or wrong. All choices only depend on whether it is worth it or not.
We have been making multiple choice questions throughout our lives. Which university to go to, what job to do, who to fall in love with, who to marry, who to have children with, each one is our own choice.
All choices involve weighing the pros and cons. If you can't go to Tsinghua University or Peking University, it's not because you don't want to, it's just because you can't.
The fact that you two were able to succeed in the first place shows that we are all the same and have gone through the ups and downs hand in hand. He is growing, and you must also make progress.
Otherwise, the marriage will begin to become unbalanced.
Imagine that when he has a successful career, you achieve nothing; or when you have great glory, he is bleak; such a marriage may not break up, but it is very difficult to maintain happiness and satisfaction.
The weak one is fearful, while the strong one is bossy, and getting along becomes a torment. After a long time of suffering, some people will definitely want to escape.
The balance of marriage becomes more and more unbalanced and eventually disintegrates.
What should couples who have been through thick and thin together do to continue living in harmony and beauty?
Sweet memories, shared sufferings, common children and career are of course your wealth, but how much weight do these hold in each other's hearts? It will vary from person to person and will change over time.
The temptation of young, beautiful, considerate, and forbidden pleasures outside the family is certainly great, but is it so great that it overrides family responsibilities?
is worth thinking about and worth taking seriously.
Couples who share hardships have advantages. After all, you have experienced each other’s youth together, overcome the eighty-one difficulties of marriage and career together, and have given birth to a new life together. Each has become indispensable to the other. a part of.
has a lot more chips than those wild flowers outside.
What you need to pay attention to is that you should neither belittle yourself nor be arrogant; neither should you be trembling with fear nor be at ease.
As long as you have a good grasp of the dynamic balance of marriage, you can hold your relationship together and make it unbreakable.
1
Master the balance of cognition
Love can span time and space, but the only thing that cannot span is cognition.
You don’t understand what he says, and he is not interested in what you say. If this continues, what the two people will lose is spiritual communication.
Once spiritual communication is lost, the relationship between two people can be said to be basically dead.
Why housewives are considered to be a high-risk profession? In addition to having no income, the most important thing is that the awareness only stays on household chores.
When he wants to discuss social hot topics with you, you are only willing to follow soap operas.
When he wants to talk to you about the problems he encountered at work, you will only ask what he wants to eat?
When he wants to discuss future career plans with you, you will just say I don’t understand and you can figure it out yourself.
If things go on like this, the communication gap will gradually form, so that he no longer wants to talk to you about any ideas he has, and he does not need to discuss with you.
Therefore, whether you are a housewife or not, whether you are in the workplace or not, it is very necessary to maintain the same level of cognition.
There are three specific methods:
a) Listen carefully.
Generally, the first thing students who just start to engage in psychological counseling must learn is to listen. The most important skill in their career is also listening.
Because for many visitors, as long as someone listens to them carefully, more than half of their problems will be solved.
Which of today's migrant workers is not under great pressure, and which one is not eager for care?
In the process of listening carefully, we not only understand what the other person is thinking, but also relieve emotions and relieve stress. Isn't it the best of both worlds?
Of course, there are skills in listening. You can read some relevant books or take some formal courses. As long as you study hard, you will definitely learn something.
b) Get into each other’s circles.
A person's circle is his values and also his social support system.
His family is his root. Even if he cannot love each other, he must still be courteous.
No one will live on an island. His family is the place where he once took root. Whether it is good or bad is not his choice, and it is not a relationship that can be broken off.
Don’t be too quick to show your heart and soul, but don’t make enemies easily either. Adults should be restrained and polite in their interactions.
His friends are mirrors. There is no need to be an old friend, but it is best to know the root cause.
Friends are different from family members. Friends are chosen by yourself.
It is said that people are like-minded and people are divided into groups. Friends who know him can understand him more truly, comprehensively and dynamically.
c) Keep up the progress.
The wheel of society will never stop moving forward. If someone stops in place, he will eventually be abandoned by the world.
The same is true in the workplace, and the same is true in family life. Even if we are full-time mothers, we should learn to recharge and enrich ourselves in our free time.
For example, learn financial management to help your husband manage family assets; learn education to raise your children better; and even learn some arts to cultivate your own sentiments.
In short, learn something meaningful and make yourself relatively professional in certain fields.
In The Legend of Zhen Huan, the emperor only liked Zhen Huan because she looked like Chun Yuan at first, but in the end he fell in love with Zhen Huan because she understood him.
Because Zhen Huan can not only have ideological exchanges with him, but also discuss government affairs and make suggestions with him.
Even though it was almost confirmed that Zhen Huan had cheated on her, the emperor still chose to turn a blind eye.
Even the emperor who is ninety-five years old is like this, let alone you and me.
2
Master the emotional balance
Love is not eternal. It is like a bankbook. Two people can save money in it and withdraw money from it.
We can't just withdraw money just because the other person values us, we still have to put some money in from time to time.
Don’t treat the other person as a money-making tool. Acting coquettishly can only be done occasionally. More often, you should consider the other person’s perspective.
Three daily questions:
What does he want?
Is he happy with me?
What can we do to make him happy?
Once you find the answer, you can always grasp the mechanism to enhance your relationship.
On the other hand, it is not advisable to pay blindly. If there is no bottom line for your kindness to him, then this kind of kindness will lose its value.
The relationship between people is equal and mutual. If you reciprocate kindness, if there is no return, the relationship will naturally end.
are also three daily questions:
Is he worthy of me treating him well?
Did he respond with love to me?
Is he proud of my love and favor?
Find the answers to these three questions, and you will grasp the bottom line of love.
Everyone establishes relationships for happiness. If they cannot be happy, why are they still together?
So we believe in love, but we also respect human nature.
I believe that love is to find some warmth, some support and some hope in this world.
Respecting human nature is to see others clearly, understand yourself, and then follow the rules to accomplish what you want to do at the minimum cost.
Author | Long Shuang is a national second-level psychological counselor and senior aromatherapist. He has more than 10 years of aromatherapy experience and focuses on balancing the physical and mental health of clients.
