Express the love in your heart!
In our traditional culture, such as Confucian culture , we rarely express our love and gratitude for people.
is actually not easy to express this kind of emotion. We will keep our gratitude in our hearts, but we don’t express it often, especially Eastern people, who are most reluctant to express their inner emotions.
However, the expression of children is very direct. If you like you, you will kiss you and hug you, and you will say to you, "I love you so much." But adults will definitely not dare to do this, because it will make people think you are crazy.
Actually, we have a lot of feelings in our hearts, such as the like, appreciation and touching of others, but we really don’t dare to express it because we are afraid of being ridiculed by others.
Doctor Xu's students can express their inner feelings well. However, most adults rarely let themselves express their emotions and true inner feelings since they have a role as family or work, and most of them express their love through actions.
For example, Dr. Xu had a family treatment for bipolar disorder. His father has taken good care of his son since he was a child. He has been working hard to make money. He also opened a store for his son to run it, hoping that his son can get married and have a wife and have children.
Although the father gave a lot to his son, the son couldn't say anything in front of his father. He just wanted to escape from this home. He would rather drink with his friends and travel in the attic of his friend's house than stay by his parents. Because of his parents' love and care for him, he became heavy pressure.
This son said to his mother, "I look at my dad's eyes, as if I want to kill me." But my mother actually wants to tell him, "Dad actually loves you the most."
is the way parents express their love, which is to keep working hard, save money to buy a house for you, wash clothes, cook, and then nag until you can't stand it and leave home. Then the parents felt very sad: "We love you so much, why did you leave us?"
parents gave a lot to their children, taking care of their daily life and giving them the best. But when you see the children, they keep nagging until they can't stay, and then complain and accused: "Why am I so good to my children, and he still leaves me?" The reason is the wrong way of expression.
You may think that the child has a problem. In fact, the problem lies with you, and the way you express your love.
We have always given our actions, even in a way of interference and criticism. Children love and care about you, but your way will make children want to escape.
so, you must start to make some adjustments. When you want to say to your children, you should express your emotions directly, instead of blocking the expression of emotions and words, and then constantly show your love through behavioral interference, food, clothing, housing and transportation, because this may become a kind of control, mastery and pressure.
When we grow up, it is not easy to express our emotions to others, because in our culture, we will be afraid of embarrassment, so the flow and expression of our emotions are actually not enough.
I often say that in fact, each of us has such deep love in our hearts, and we are so deeply moved to our family and friends, but we have never had such energy communication, touching sharing and warm dialogue.
allows your love to be expressed to the person you love, and allows the other person to feel and accept it happily in a comfortable state.
instead of like your parents, you have made a lot of contributions to your children, but your children are unwilling to stay with your parents. This is because your expression is wrong.
In our culture, how to express an inner energy of liking and love, and make you feel comfortable and the other person feel comfortable, especially in our society, I think this is needed, because I really feel that the more progressive and civilized the society is, the colder the people are.
Doctor Xu made an interesting discovery while walking. I found that everyone I see has a search for each other in their eyes. In fact, they long to have interactions with others because they are lonely and long to have interactions with others with emotions and energy. You all hope to chat with others without restraint.
Everyone lives in their own loneliness. In fact, when you are walking in more casual occasions such as parks or river banking, you will see people's eyes staying on each other. They are curious about you. In fact, they want to connect with you and want to know you.
However, there is a sense of distrust and insecurity between people. For example, I don’t know if you want to sell me things or what medicine to sell me, and there is no longer a foundation of trust between people.
so at least in the classroom where Dr. Xu's physical and mental growth will definitely create a sense of peace of mind for you, so that you can feel that is here, and everyone can express freely and safely.
My student and I said, "Don't bring your business, or anything you sell, this is a safe place to learn." I must make everyone feel at ease.
I also said to my students: "You don't have a financial loan relationship with each other, because I want to make people who come here feel comfortable; if you are a direct sales student, don't come to our reading club for your direct sales. You are here to learn. Unless someone asks you on your own initiative, you don't sell your things, and don't come with a purpose."
Finally, Dr. Xu wanted to tell everyone: life is expression, and expression is safe.
Please bravely speak out your love and let the energy of love flow in the universe and the earth.
Author｜Xu Tiansheng
Excerpt from｜Doctor Xu's audio book " Cancer is not a terminal illness "
Edit | Mai Tian Min Ling
Author Profile: Xu Tiansheng [Taiwan], a world-renowned psychologist and psychiatrist, the founder of Xu Tiansheng's psychodynamics and an messenger of global communication, a psychology writer, philanthropist, and entrepreneur with works.
"Wheat Field Spirit" is committed to implementing the professional knowledge of Seth Psychological Dynamics into daily life, so that everyone has the opportunity to receive professional, warm and powerful support, and to improve everyone's overall healthy growth in all aspects!
