Whenever we think of home, the corners of our mouths will always slightly raise, and our hearts will be soft and peaceful. Because home in our hearts is the warmest harbor, the warmest embrace of our mother, and the most considerate care of our husband.
With the deepest expectation of happiness, we entered into marriage with him hand in hand, even though countless negative examples around us have scared us, countless bitter words of kindness have made us flinch, and occasional quarrels before marriage have made us confused, but, we Always believe that you will be the lucky one.
We thought we had finally found a big umbrella that could protect us from the wind and rain; we thought he would tolerate all our bad tempers; we thought that no matter how difficult it was to take care of the children, no matter how difficult the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was, no matter how difficult it was to have a house, a car, education, medical care, etc. It makes me breathless. As long as the two of us work together, life will be sweet no matter how bitter it is; we thought that our patience and persistence in marriage would surely produce the most beautiful flowers...
Until the reality of his cheating was like a heavy blow. The hammer fell suddenly without any warning and was unexpected. Our home collapsed with it, and along with it, our hearts were broken into pieces.
We hate this man. He opened the door to the robber-like mistress, and together with the robbers, robbed the home that we had built brick by brick with hard work for several years or even ten or twenty years!
Standing in this fragment of ruins, looking around at the devastation, we don’t know where to go.
We don’t know if we have the ability and courage to rebuild our homes, but we are not willing to spend the rest of our lives in these ruins.
In addition to hatred, what surges like a ferocious flood is more fear, as if we were caught off guard and thrown into a dark fog.
We try hard to open our eyes, but we can’t see anything; we try desperately to grab it, but we can’t catch anything.
Frustration, humiliation, anger, and heartbreak of loss came all at once.
Frustration leads to inferiority, humiliation and anger lead to counterattack, and loss leads to recovery.
This is why we want to tear the mistress apart with our hands, kneel down to lick her, and cry while holding the baby. We are afraid of this state, want to escape but can't find the direction, want to fight but don't even know who the enemy is.
I know you are having a hard time being cheated on. I understand the darkness in your heart that has no outlet in the middle of the night, so today I will tell you how to find a way to be happy without divorce.
01 Why does cheating make us so painful?
First of all, many affairs occur without warning, which breaks many people’s illusions about marriage and love (especially women), making it difficult to accept the reality.
Many sisters in the Sijie group initially had the naïveté of “If everyone in the world cheats, their husbands won’t cheat either”. However, among all living beings, you don’t know that one day you may be one of them.
Too many people inadvertently tell themselves, either because of a phone call, a WeChat message, a sunny afternoon, a piece of hair, or a Taobao record—that he has cheated! At that moment, you were dizzy and didn't believe that this was the truth. You must have made a mistake somewhere. You convinced yourself with various reasons.
However, the fact is the fact, it is not up to you to believe it or not. Once this seed of doubt is planted in your heart, many things that happen later will be out of your control. You begin to be tempted to check his cell phone, his location, and his room booking records. Check and confirm once, stab yourself once with an invisible knife, the pain is so painful that I can't breathe...
We have been in love for so many years and have children, how could he do this to me? However, the other party cannot empathize with it.
"Why did he treat me like this?" "How could he do this"? "I want to hear if he has been tricked?" At first, this emotion will almost always go to his head. Grief, anger, and instinct will lead to hysterical showdowns with men.
You are heartbroken and think that he will also wish to die, will hold you, soothe your pain, and tell you that he is wrong. He is just confused for a moment, and he will immediately cut off relations with him and let you do whatever he wants. It will take a lifetime to atone...
Unfortunately, men who have a high probability of cheating will be very calm, because they have anticipated this day. Some people may say, "I'm sorry for you, but you are really too strong. I feel very comfortable with her, but I still have you in my heart..."; those who are more affectionate may even kneel down and apologize. Slap yourself in the face and say "it was just an impulse". However, if you are "impulsive" later, you will easily find that you are "frequently impulsive".
Why can’t he do what you think “should” or “must”? Because he doesn’t want to do it.
Even if you kneel down and apologize and say "I'm going to stop contacting you now, I won't contact you again" or "I've broken it off a long time ago"; after a while, you will find that you are the biggest fool and was deceived by him and his lover.
You find that your expectations and your forgiveness are worthless. His kneeling down and his repentance are just to stabilize you. You grabbed him and said loudly, "Get a divorce!" In fact, you knew deep down that you didn't want a divorce, you just wanted to force him back. Isn't it what he was supposed to do after quitting the outside world and coming back to live a good life?
When a man hears about divorce, he may once again say to you affectionately, "I won't get divorced. I can't let you go. The child is so young, how can you bear it?" The words "I can't bear to leave you" made the woman see hope again, and felt that she should give him a chance for the sake of the child. The man vowed to say, "I will take care of it, just give me some time."
This matter seems to have come to an end. The woman is thinking about her relationship for so many years, even if it is for the sake of her children, she should give him some time. But I know clearly that no matter how hard you try, your life will never go back to the way it was before.
Unwanted evidence will also come at you, telling you time and time again that they are not broken and cannot be avoided.
Those scenes of him and other women, his sweet talks with her, torture you to death and make you unable to sleep all night long.
02 In fact, the reason why you can't live without him is not all about love.
"Sister Si, I can't live without him. He is my first love. I love him so much. I never thought that one day I would be separated from him."
Ling in the group told me that she would be heartbroken when she thought about him forcing her to leave. This was a real pain, the cramping pain in her left chest, which seemed to remind her all the time that what she had lost was not him, but her own life.
This real pain reminds Ling: "He is a part of my life, I can't live without him."
But, this is not the case.
I understand Ling’s feeling of pain as if her body is being torn apart. Everyone who faces the impending separation of a long-term relationship will feel this way. Because this is a sudden collapse of inner pillars and a complete destruction of the security base.
It's like the place in our hearts where the most secret, important and fragile things are stored has been pried open and stolen.
How can we be reconciled, and how can we not be angry and hesitant.
It used to be the source of spiritual sustenance for our survival. If we lose it, it means that in the future we will have no one to complain when we are sad, no one to support us when we are injured, no one to rely on when we are in trouble, as if we have become orphans that no one wants. , a lonely ghost who has lost the meaning of living in the world.
I think I have written it into your heart. Whenever we think of home, the corners of our mouths will always slightly raise, and our hearts will be soft and peaceful. Because home in our hearts is the warmest harbor, the warmest embrace of our mother, and the most considerate care of our husband. With the deepest expectation of happiness, we entered into marriage with him hand in hand, even though countless negative examples around us have scared us, countless bitter words of kindness have made us flinch, and occasional quarrels before marriage have made us confused, but, we Always believe that you will be the lucky one. We thought we had finally found a big umbrella that could protect us from the wind and rain; we thought he would tolerate all our bad tempers; we thought that no matter how difficult it was to take care of the children, no matter how difficult the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was, no matter how difficult it was to have a house, a car, education, medical care, etc. It makes me breathless. As long as the two of us work together, life will be sweet no matter how bitter it is; we thought that our patience and persistence in marriage would surely produce the most beautiful flowers... Until the reality of his cheating was like a heavy blow. The hammer fell suddenly without any warning and was unexpected. Our home collapsed with it, and along with it, our hearts were broken into pieces. We hate this man. He opened the door to the robber-like mistress, and together with the robbers, robbed the home that we had built brick by brick with hard work for several years or even ten or twenty years! Standing in this fragment of ruins, looking around at the devastation, we don’t know where to go. We don’t know if we have the ability and courage to rebuild our homes, but we are not willing to spend the rest of our lives in these ruins. In addition to hatred, what surges like a ferocious flood is more fear, as if we were caught off guard and thrown into a dark fog. We try hard to open our eyes, but we can’t see anything; we try desperately to grab it, but we can’t catch anything. Frustration, humiliation, anger, and heartbreak of loss came all at once. Frustration leads to inferiority, humiliation and anger lead to counterattack, and loss leads to recovery. This is why we want to tear the mistress apart with our hands, kneel down to lick her, and cry while holding the baby. We are afraid of this state, want to escape but can't find the direction, want to fight but don't even know who the enemy is. I know you are having a hard time being cheated on. I understand the darkness in your heart that has no outlet in the middle of the night, so today I will tell you how to find a way to be happy without divorce. 01 Why does cheating make us so painful? First of all, many affairs occur without warning, which breaks many people’s illusions about marriage and love (especially women), making it difficult to accept the reality. Many sisters in the Sijie group initially had the naïveté of “If everyone in the world cheats, their husbands won’t cheat either”. However, among all living beings, you don’t know that one day you may be one of them. Too many people inadvertently tell themselves, either because of a phone call, a WeChat message, a sunny afternoon, a piece of hair, or a Taobao record—that he has cheated! At that moment, you were dizzy and didn't believe that this was the truth. You must have made a mistake somewhere. You convinced yourself with various reasons. However, the fact is the fact, it is not up to you to believe it or not. Once this seed of doubt is planted in your heart, many things that happen later will be out of your control. You begin to be tempted to check his cell phone, his location, and his room booking records. Check and confirm once, stab yourself once with an invisible knife, the pain is so painful that I can't breathe... We have been in love for so many years and have children, how could he do this to me? However, the other party cannot empathize with it. "Why did he treat me like this?" "How could he do this"? "I want to hear if he has been tricked?" At first, this emotion will almost always go to his head. Grief, anger, and instinct will lead to hysterical showdowns with men. You are heartbroken and think that he will also wish to die, will hold you, soothe your pain, and tell you that he is wrong. He is just confused for a moment, and he will immediately cut off relations with him and let you do whatever he wants. It will take a lifetime to atone... Unfortunately, men who have a high probability of cheating will be very calm, because they have anticipated this day. Some people may say, "I'm sorry for you, but you are really too strong. I feel very comfortable with her, but I still have you in my heart..."; those who are more affectionate may even kneel down and apologize. Slap yourself in the face and say "it was just an impulse". However, if you are "impulsive" later, you will easily find that you are "frequently impulsive". Why can’t he do what you think “should” or “must”? Because he doesn’t want to do it. Even if you kneel down and apologize and say "I'm going to stop contacting you now, I won't contact you again" or "I've broken it off a long time ago"; after a while, you will find that you are the biggest fool and was deceived by him and his lover. You find that your expectations and your forgiveness are worthless. His kneeling down and his repentance are just to stabilize you. You grabbed him and said loudly, "Get a divorce!" In fact, you knew deep down that you didn't want a divorce, you just wanted to force him back. Isn't it what he was supposed to do after quitting the outside world and coming back to live a good life? When a man hears about divorce, he may once again say to you affectionately, "I won't get divorced. I can't let you go. The child is so young, how can you bear it?" The words "I can't bear to leave you" made the woman see hope again, and felt that she should give him a chance for the sake of the child. The man vowed to say, "I will take care of it, just give me some time." This matter seems to have come to an end. The woman is thinking about her relationship for so many years, even if it is for the sake of her children, she should give him some time. But I know clearly that no matter how hard you try, your life will never go back to the way it was before. Unwanted evidence will also come at you, telling you time and time again that they are not broken and cannot be avoided. Those scenes of him and other women, his sweet talks with her, torture you to death and make you unable to sleep all night long. 02 In fact, the reason why you can't live without him is not all about love. "Sister Si, I can't live without him. He is my first love. I love him so much. I never thought that one day I would be separated from him." Ling in the group told me that she would be heartbroken when she thought about him forcing her to leave. This was a real pain, the cramping pain in her left chest, which seemed to remind her all the time that what she had lost was not him, but her own life. This real pain reminds Ling: "He is a part of my life, I can't live without him." But, this is not the case. I understand Ling’s feeling of pain as if her body is being torn apart. Everyone who faces the impending separation of a long-term relationship will feel this way. Because this is a sudden collapse of inner pillars and a complete destruction of the security base. It's like the place in our hearts where the most secret, important and fragile things are stored has been pried open and stolen. How can we be reconciled, and how can we not be angry and hesitant. It used to be the source of spiritual sustenance for our survival. If we lose it, it means that in the future we will have no one to complain when we are sad, no one to support us when we are injured, no one to rely on when we are in trouble, as if we have become orphans that no one wants. , a lonely ghost who has lost the meaning of living in the world. I think I have written it into your heart.You can't deny that this is how you feel, right? But, is this love? No, this is a dependency. Yes, what makes you suffer is not love, but your dependence. Love is giving, but dependence is taking. You are in pain not because you can no longer give him love, but because you can no longer obtain "love" from him. You can no longer rely on him to help you when you are in trouble, you can no longer rely on him to comfort you when you are hurt, and you can no longer rely on him to solve the problems you encounter in life. These are the real reasons for your pain. Yes, you are not qualified to ask for it, or ask him to pay. In the past, when he loved you, it seemed natural for you to ask him to pay. But now, he doesn't love you anymore, and you feel your loss of power and helplessness towards reality. That’s why you suffer from this loss, this lack of recognition, and that’s why you desperately want to save him and catch him back. Even if he becomes a scumbag in the eyes of others, even if he stabs himself in the back, these are so pale and insignificant compared with the huge loss in front of him. So you see, you think your current pain is due to your love for your husband, and you think you can't leave him because you love him so much, but in fact, it's more because you can't get rid of your dependence on him right away. , you don’t want to face the uncertainty of the future, you don’t want to change your current lifestyle, and you don’t want to step out of your comfort zone. These emotions will give you the illusion: I love him very much, so I can't lose him. But in fact, this is more about human nature and human laziness. has talked about it here, and the solution is already available. If you don’t want to be in pain, are you trying to get love back? No, but let yourself become independent and no longer rely on him. 03 How to solve the dilemma of "cannot live without the cheating sister"? 1. Break before you can establish Separate the intimate relationship with the other person, learn to control your emotions, and not let the other person affect you. Specifically, how to get along with friends. The previous article has detailed steps. If you can't find it, you can chat with me. chat. At the same time, we must practice the three-character classic of , without waiting, paying attention, or relying on it. No matter whether he loves you or not, whether he cares about you or not, he is no longer qualified as your lover. We must cut off contact with him and previous relationships first. Emotional infidelity represents the breakdown of an intimate relationship. Even if he begs for forgiveness, even if he tries his best to make amends, he cannot change the reality of the broken mirror. It is not easy to establish an intimate relationship, but rebuilding it after it is broken is like a ladder to heaven. The cheating party needs to completely break the mirror, and the cheating party must completely re-create his life, one who will not commit the crime again, and one who is not afraid that he will commit the crime again, then the mirror can be melted down and rebuilt. Without this step, your relationship will always be separated by suspicion, there will always be bones buried in your yard, and you will never be able to get the intimacy you want. 2. After being broken, stand up yourself No one can accompany us for a lifetime, even a loyal lover may die before us. But dreams and the main thread of life can accompany us throughout our lives. As long as we clarify the main line of our life, we will know what we are living for and what the meaning of every minute we live is. We will not be affected by other people's actions in our emotions and rhythm. We will not be led by others. Only we like this will never deviate from our own path and never waste our youth and years. Just like a question that people often ask me: Sister Miss, you have so little sleep time and such a heavy workload every day, aren't you tired? Are you afraid of something going wrong with your body? I would say that I pay attention to my body, but there is no fear in my heart. Because I feel that in the process of working hard for my dream, every minute is full of meaning. Even if I leave now, I can say with satisfaction: Every day of my life has not been wasted. I have left precious things for this society. of wealth. After seeing this, do you already know that the main line of life is very important? Have you decided to take some time to think carefully about your life path? Note that this life path is not the family’s path, nor the child’s path, but, truly, your path. 3. Clear goals and perseverance. If we want to live better, we need a man, rather than living for a man; If we want to have better happiness, we need to start a family, rather than sacrificing ourselves for the family; We have no way to control whether a man cheats , but we can clarify our reasons for living and the direction of life. Why should we get married? Because we need marriage and men to serve the thread of our lives. Which man we choose is because he and the resources behind him can bring us closer to our dreams. Everything we do is for our own main line. Only with such a clear goal can you walk firmly in your future life without fear! This is what we will become! I know that many sisters will say that I understand the truth, but I just can’t do it. Yes, I know that there is still a long way to go before you can do it. It is difficult and takes a long time to just rely on yourself. Sister Si, there is a large group of sisters who have also experienced being cheated on. They turned this suffering into a gift and let themselves come out shining. Miss Miss has a pair of hands that hold up shells in the shallows. If you also want to be the shining shell on Miss Miss’s shell wall, contact Miss Miss, she will always be there. Your duty is to level the land, not to worry about time. What you do in March and April will have the answer in August and September.
Just like a question that people often ask me: Sister Miss, you have so little sleep time and such a heavy workload every day, aren't you tired? Are you afraid of something going wrong with your body?
I would say that I pay attention to my body, but there is no fear in my heart.
Because I feel that in the process of working hard for my dream, every minute is full of meaning. Even if I leave now, I can say with satisfaction: Every day of my life has not been wasted. I have left precious things for this society. of wealth.
After seeing this, do you already know that the main line of life is very important?
Have you decided to take some time to think carefully about your life path?
Note that this life path is not the family’s path, nor the child’s path, but, truly, your path.
3. Clear goals and perseverance.
If we want to live better, we need a man, rather than living for a man;
If we want to have better happiness, we need to start a family, rather than sacrificing ourselves for the family;
We have no way to control whether a man cheats , but we can clarify our reasons for living and the direction of life.
Why should we get married? Because we need marriage and men to serve the thread of our lives. Which man we choose is because he and the resources behind him can bring us closer to our dreams.
Everything we do is for our own main line. Only with such a clear goal can you walk firmly in your future life without fear! This is what we will become!
I know that many sisters will say that I understand the truth, but I just can’t do it.
Yes, I know that there is still a long way to go before you can do it. It is difficult and takes a long time to just rely on yourself.
Sister Si, there is a large group of sisters who have also experienced being cheated on. They turned this suffering into a gift and let themselves come out shining.
Miss Miss has a pair of hands that hold up shells in the shallows. If you also want to be the shining shell on Miss Miss’s shell wall, contact Miss Miss, she will always be there.
Your duty is to level the land, not to worry about time. What you do in March and April will have the answer in August and September.
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