Text/Mother Song said about parenting (original article, welcome to reprint and share)
Yuanyuan’s mother discovered a little secret of Yuanyuan in the past two days: 3-year-old Yuanyuan is a little stubborn.
This matter should start from this time.
During this time, Yuanyuan’s mother found that Yuanyuan often did some strange things. When mother took the hand of the garden to go out, the garden party suddenly broke away from mother's hand and ran to the shoe cabinet at the door. arranged the shoes in the shoe cabinet silently and neatly in the order in her heart.
Or when playing with toys with your friends, once arranges the toys in order , the garden will cry and make noise, even when it is on the elevator, the garden Also stubbornly only take the middle elevator approved by him.
Yuanyuan’s mother is worried, why does her baby suddenly become so "stubborn"? Does Yuanyuan already have obsessive-compulsive disorder?
In fact, this kind of "stubborn" performance of Yuanyuan is a problem that every baby will encounter in the process of growing up. Child psychologists summarized this compulsive behavior on the baby as a manifestation of the baby’s sense of order during the sensitive period.
The Italian psychologist Montessori once introduced in the book "Secrets of Childhood" that has a special period of reaction to the surrounding environment during the growth and development of babies.
Children’s sensitive period atmosphere: internal and external two stages:
The internal sensitive period can make babies aware of different parts of their body and their relative positions , external sense of order It is that the baby perceives, the law and relationship of the immediate external world existence .
During this period, babies often have their own set of rules in their hearts, and other forces are not allowed to destroy them. Another feature of this set of rules is that will change according to changes in the external environment, , which is also the core content for parents to respond to the sensitive period of the baby’s order.
Parents should understand what the baby’s "order sensitive period" is
1) The order sensitive period is actually to understand the environment
Montessore Li pointed out that: the sensitive period of baby's order is mainly distributed between 0 and 4 years old. At this stage, the baby is most sensitive to order.
Due to the lack of cognitive and behavioral abilities, babies at this stage cannot recognize the surroundings autonomously as adults do according to changes in the environment. Therefore, through , we will pre-conceive a stable and orderly environment to help ourselves better understand the surrounding environment.
This is actually not difficult to understand. High school and elementary school students learning new knowledge is a vivid example.
High school students have stronger cognitive abilities, can put forward more thinking angles and solutions when facing problems.
Elementary school students have insufficient knowledge accumulation, facing new content needs to move the new content to their previous framework in advance for understanding and learning.
Baby’s order is equivalent to the learning framework of elementary school students. By envisioning the order for oneself to better understand the surrounding environment, the process of understanding the environment is the sensitive period of the order of the baby.
It is not difficult to find that the sensitive period of order and the environment is the purpose relationship, so when the environment changes, the baby’s old order cannot help him understand the new environment or just the order is disrupted, the baby will cry Trouble, or even illness.
Montessori shared a real case I encountered:
A couple who traveled all the year round took their baby and checked into a hotel, Because this hotel does not have a crib, the couple let the baby sleep with themselves on the big bed, I didn’t know the baby started crying loudly, convulsing, and fatigue.
After Montessori learned that the baby would sleep in a crib before staying in a hotel, put the parents’ pillows at a distance from the top and bottom, and put a bed sheet on it , put the baby on it, no more Yes, the baby fell asleep. What's more amazing is that the baby's illness is also healed.
In the Montessori experience, we found that the baby in the story is under the premise that the parents frequently change the environment, regards the crib as the basis of order construction, and the baby’s sleep activities are based on this foundation. .
Once this order is lost, the baby has no way to adapt directly, and a series of problems arise.
2) Common life situations in the baby's order-sensitive period
Parents can use the baby's common performance in the order-sensitive period to judge whether their baby is already in the order-sensitive period.
The doorbell must be opened by a specific person.
When taking the elevator, you must take a fixed one.
Shoes and toys must be neatly arranged in the order in which they are arranged.
The exercise books in the school bag must be arranged according to their own order.
When these behaviors appear on the baby, it means that the baby has consciously constructed his own order, trying to familiarize himself with the environment in his own way.
The importance of order sensitive period to the baby
1) The establishment of a sense of security
After the baby is born, it will be realized from the mother’s belly As the environment changes in the larger world, has a desire to control the environment out of security considerations. This desire manifests itself as the need for the formation of a sense of order.
当宝宝 repeats this orderly behavior over and over again, the sense of inner security will be constantly strengthened , until it is internalized and fixed, the baby realizes that the changes in the outside world will no longer When the result is affected, this orderly behavior is abandoned.
2) The sense of order is still the origin of moral consciousness
When the baby’s sense of order requires him to maintain the integrity of the bread, baby will naturally think " “Broken” and “separated” are not good, and “complete” and “united” are correct .
In this way, the baby will naturally form the "right and wrong" distinction, the child's moral judgment ability will start to build up little by little, and gradually combine behavior and consequences in life to make his own judgment.
3) The orderly sensitive period is a good period for parents to make rules.
Because the baby will consciously distinguish what is good and what is bad during this period. Parents can guide the baby according to the characteristics of the baby to help the baby set the rules.
For example: if you find money on the road, you should give it to the person who lost it; you should not lie to your parents, and you should be considerate of your parents' care for yourself; talk about things and don’t lose your temper.
What are the different stages of the baby’s orderly sensitive period?
Montessori believes that there are three parts in the sensitive period atmosphere of young children, three parts with age The increase in the number is spiraling upward.
1) Stubborn and sensitive period
This stage of the baby will Because of the destruction of the order, I am excited, crying loudly , when the order is restored, it will be quietCome. Or appears to be persistent in maintaining order.
This actually shows that the baby's self-awareness has sprouted, and the maintenance of the sense of order is mainly focused on the internal self.
2) Persistent sensitive period
The inward sense of order of 1-3 year old children will gradually change to outward sense of order , this externalization phenomenon actually The baby is trying to control the surrounding environment.
When the environment changes, babies are often upset and anxious, even making parents feel unreasonable.
The feature of the baby in this period is "犟" , and the determined thing cannot be changed.
3) Perfect Sensitive Period
The phenomenon of the pursuit of perfect order in babies 3~4 years old shows that the baby has entered the stage of perfect sensitive period. In this period, the baby will build in Own rules , and require people in the surrounding environment to comply with the established rules.
At this time, the baby has been able to distinguish "right from wrong", will also require people to follow in life according to his own rules. For example, the baby will say to people picking flowers in the park: "It is wrong to pick flowers, etc."
The baby is in the "order sensitive period", what should parents do?
1) Help the baby to establish a sense of order
When parents know a series of manifestations of the existence of a baby in the sensitive period of order, parents should Patiently help their baby to establish a sense of order instead of obstructing .
Understanding and respect are essential links in the process of helping babies build a sense of order.
Parents should first make it clear that the order sensitive period of 宝 is a stage that does not depend on the baby’s will. . During this period, when the baby is crying because of disorder, the parents Don't feel that your child is making troubles unreasonably, should treat this phenomenon of the baby correctly.
Respect for children is a good way to help children build a sense of order and understand the environment.
For example, when a baby proposes his own order and asks his parents to follow it, the parents can do it according to the baby's wishes; when the baby insists on taking only one elevator, respect the baby's decision.
2) Provide children with a stable environment
Montessori believes that if parents cannot provide their babies with an effective environment, they cannot establish a This kind of environmental intuition, of course children’s intelligence cannot be constructed.
An orderly environment can help babies understand the surrounding environment through the established order, and gradually enter a new stage of moral consciousness and intelligence formation.
Parents should pay attention to Do not frequently change the arrangement of daily necessities , and do not frequently change the address of residence , even if you are going out for a long time, you need to help your child provide a transitional stage for the child to appear Prepare for discomfort.
When the child establishes a stable sense of order, the child's understanding of the surrounding environment will also reach a new stage.
After reading these, mothers should know how to deal with the "order sensitive period" of the baby. Correctly deal with the sensitive period of the baby's order and help the baby grow up healthily and happily.
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