Why don’t the child cry and hug him? After knowing the reason, you dare not yell.
As a mother, I can't help but get angry with my children. When my son was three years old, grandma was feeding him. However, the feeding process was very difficult that day. The child ate and spitted half a mouthful, and kept looking around, which made the whole family very tired. I couldn't control my anger for a moment and shouted at him directly, "If you don't eat well, you'll waste food. The whole family is surrounding you. Do you want to be a little emperor?"
My tone was very strict at that time. When the child heard this, he pouted and his eyes turned red. Everyone in the family is trying to smooth things over. , but the magical thing is that after two or three minutes, the child came to me to hug me after dinner, and it was very sticky.
The child took the initiative to ask me for peace. I was actually warm in my heart, and I regretted yelling at the child. But what I am even more curious is why the child is not angry?
Is the child yelling and hugging him? Is it psychological reasons?
① Children desire a sense of security and are used to relying on adults
A foreign educator once conducted an experiment, locking two little gorillas in two cages respectively. The feeding conditions, cage size and other conditions are set to exactly the same. The only difference is that there is an orangutan with a furry "fake mom" who is locked in a cage.
What is amazing is that both young orangutans are feeding at the feeding point and are automatically feeding. However, orangutans with fake mothers often hug the fake mothers and ask for feeding. The little gorilla with a fake mother is more stable in mood and can quickly calm down when frightened.
experimental results show that a sense of security is an indispensable emotional need for human beings. Especially when children are young, they are powerless and will rely more on the adults they are close to.
The child was shouted and asked to be hugged, which was also a natural behavior under this psychological mechanism . Because they desire a sense of security, a desire to be comforted by adults, and to meet their psychological needs.
②3 Seek harmony in relationships and resolve conflicts
After a child is yelled, he will realize that his behavior has made adults angry. Parents are absolutely authoritative and closest to their children, especially young children. So children will subconsciously ask for hugs and use physical contact to relieve adult anger, so that they can accept themselves again and protect themselves.
The child's hudding behavior is to release a sum signal. This behavior can undoubtedly quickly calm the anger of parents and repair the relationship between parents and children in a timely manner.
Once I took my child out to play, and the child refused to go home in time, so I shouted at him. Unexpectedly, the child accepted it well, and after returning home, he kept looking at me with watery eyes and begging for a hug. On the contrary, it made me reflect on whether I was too strict with my children, and at the same time I felt that my relationship with my children was further ahead.
Parents know that their children are being yelled to be hugged because they want to seek psychological comfort and ease the atmosphere. They will definitely wonder: Will this behavior of be harmful to their children? The answer is yes.
Children are often yelled, which is more likely to form inferiority complex and will also affect intelligence
Parents are the people their children are closest and most dependent, and have the greatest impact on their children. Children's thinking has not yet been fixed during the process of growing up, so they are very susceptible to the influence of people close to them. If you often yell and criticize your child, it will make your child less confident from an early age and easily develop a mentality of inferiority.
At the same time, scientists have also shown that if children are often criticized and beaten when they are young, they will compress the capacity of their children's brain, affect the development of their brains, and thus affect the intelligence of their children.
Then parents must quit the habit of yelling at their children. When a child makes adults angry when he does something wrong, should communicate with him calmly so that he can understand the mistakes he has made and thus correct his behavior.
But knowing is easy and doing is difficult. I have practiced repeatedly to maintain peace of my emotions and communicate with my children. When children make mistakes and are naughty, the most difficult thing to control is their anger. Parents may not be able to control their behavior as soon as they get up. When I was practicing, I tried many different methods before I first saw results. has the hint adjustment method mentioned in the book, and uses music to divert attention, and the effects are quite good. If parents want to try it, they can try these methods, but the most important thing is to start from the perspective of their children in order to better understand them and communicate smoothly.
There is also a more popular foreign method, which is to first change your own ideas, make your ideas clear and clear, and then control your emotions after firming your ideas.
