"Good kids always tell the truth" is something parents try to instill in their children with words, but in fact their behavior sometimes contradicts these moral principles. As a result, the child learns not to be an "honest fool" but a "polite liar" and can hide an unpleasant fact if necessary - after all, he has more opportunities to be praised.
unlike the fairy tale Pinocchio, whose nose grows from lying. Real children most often lie unconsciously from their parents
"The truth is good" is an overly simple attitude for the complex human society. As it develops, children begin to face the fact that he suffers more and more for the truth than for lies. "I don't want this dress, it's too ugly." If you're completely honest, it can lead to severe punishment rather than a polite thank you, after which you can put clothes you don't like in the closet.
It’s no surprise that children learn to lie from an early age, although we still know very little about how this skill is formed and developed. There is no doubt that this seems to be due to inconsistent social environments around it, and it is not good for parents to verbally promise lying, but their actions can push the baby to lie.
To illustrate how parents’ remarks about unacceptable lies disagree with their attitudes and behaviors, two American scientists from Texas State University and New York City University asked 267 adults to watch videos of children aged 6 to 15. In some cases shown, the child lies to protect others (e.g., the child lies about the whereabouts of the sister who has a problem with her parents), and in others it is a "polite lie" to avoid hurting someone's feelings. The adults looked at four scenarios to develop the same situation: for example, in the case of a hidden sister, the child could say that she went to the library ("bright"), she must have gone to the bed ("subtle lie"), she was outside somewhere ("subtle truth"), she hid under the porch ("straight truth").
After watching each video, participants evaluated their impression of the child, including their credibility, kindness, ability, attractiveness, intelligence, and honesty. While imagining themselves as parents, participants assessed the possibility that they would punish or reward children who lie or tell the truth.
Results show that in the case of polite lying, adults have a more harsh judgment on people who speak the truth directly than those who lie or are vague. If children use deception to protect others, the truth or lies in their statements have little effect on the attitudes of adults towards them. Although most participants admitted that they would rather reward children who speak “subtle truth” (“I think she’s somewhere outside”) when their sister is hiding, than betray her sister to her parents.
By punishing children to lie, parents can encourage them to lie more skillfully
Therefore, scientists say that in a complex social context, when parents say one thing, in favor or against another, children learn to lie skillfully from an early age to meet the expectations of adults. This process is part of natural socialization, so adults should continually evaluate the situation of lying to assess their social acceptability and correct their children’s behavior if necessary.
This study was published in Journal of Moral Education .
