Recently, the new word "sag" that is popular across the Internet has made netizens cry as soon as it appears.
The reason is that a travel experience shared by the blogger of @Black Cat White Socks:
There was a child who had expired and could not board the plane. His mother accompanied him and did not board the plane. She went home directly. The whole family's luggage checked in her mother's name was also pulled off the plane. In this way, the remaining family members went out for a trip with only one ID card.
But they did not get angry or accuse each other, but continued the pleasant journey calmly.
blogger sighed: "There is really such a loose family relationship in this world."
The feeling of relaxation in family relationships is essentially not to blame, be calm, and be able to turn.
1 Slightly feels, that is, don’t blame me when I encounter something
Writer Berner Shaw said: "Home is the only place in the world that hides human shortcomings and failures, and it also contains sweet love."
home is a safe haven, charging field, and the last way out.
But the real survival pressure and the tense rhythm of life have gradually made the safe haven gradually become the center of the storm, the charging field has become a powder barrel, and a small matter can detonate, blowing each other up all over.
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There is also a noun in psychology: alienated communication methods.
refers to the use of an authoritative role to conduct moral judgment on the other party when encountering problems. Simply put, when encountering problems, you don’t want to solve the problem and just blame the other party blindly.
In family life, parents in authoritative positions are irritable when encountering things, lack the patience to listen to children's explanations and understand the facts, and scold their children without asking any questions. Children in a weak position can only be unable to resist and bear it silently.
There is a saying that goes: If you scold a child, he will not stop loving you, but he will stop loving himself.
As netizens said, children who are scolded and beaten when they encounter problems or make mistakes since childhood will become too vigilant and anxious when they grow up. They are not only timid and inferior, but also very harsh about other people's mistakes.
, and parents with strong sense of relaxation will not rush to encounter problems, and immediately stand with teachers and problems to defeat their children. Instead, they can stabilize the situation first, find ways to defeat the problems with their children, and become trustworthy and close comrades in their children.
Ma YiliWhen I was in my first year of high school, my father got her monthly exam transcript, and the grades in each subject were good, but the moral column was written with the word "poor".
The teacher told Dad Ma: Your daughter fell in love with multiple boys early.
"All parents are harming" group cried and said that she had a premature relationship in high school, and her mother pointed at her nose and scolded, "Bitch".
Dad Ma, who also heard the word "early love", was not angry, but looked at the teacher calmly: Oh, that's it, can you help me write down the names of those boys?
As a result, the teacher was delayed for a long time and only wrote one name.
Dad Ma still said calmly: "I understand my daughter, so I'd better go to the principal to talk to it."
The father's trust and determination made Ma Yili cry after being wronged for no reason.
The child who is treated with tenderness is lucky. The recognition and trust of parents give Ma Yili enough confidence to welcome the ups and downs of life in the future.
, that's it, with love, respect and trust.
No matter what you are, smart or clumsy, excellent or mediocre, you are loved and accepted; no matter how big the wind and waves you encounter, your family will face it with us through thick and thin. Instead, the most shrill wind and the most hurtful words come from the closest family.
2 The feeling of relaxation means having calmness when encountering things
Writer Mibel said: Only with a quiet mind can you control yourself, and only with a stable spirit can you control yourself.
Whenever we encounter major events, we will be calm and calm when we encounter problems. When we are calm and we are emotionally stable, we will find that there is nothing new under the sun, and the sudden problems in life actually have reference answers.
However, some parents, whose originally tense nerves are completely out of control once they encounter an emergency, will only face each other violently, and eventually lead to a tragedy, and regret it.
September 17, 2020, at No. 1 Middle School, No. 1 Middle School, Wuhan, Zhang Mourui, a third-year junior high school boy, was invited by the teacher to play cards with his classmates during classmate during breaks.
His mother saw her son standing at the door of the classroom and rushed up and slapped him in the face.
According to classmates, his mother beats and scolds her, slaps her in the face.
The scolding and slap in the face are super loud, and you can hear it through a wall.
Zhang Mourui always put his hands in his pockets, lowering his head, and silent.
Later, my mother was called away by the teacher. Three minutes later, Zhang Mourui jumped down from the fifth floor and ended his life.
This is very similar to Nezha The clip of waving his sword and slashing his flesh to return it to his mother: I will give it to you all the tone you give it to me.
When the 14-year-old boy saw the big face, in public, was ruthlessly trampled on by his closest family, but he could not fight back and had nowhere to escape, he was already in love.
Writer Tonghua said: Children love face more than adults, because the world of children is very small, so all the small things are not small.
Compared with parents with strong sense of relaxation, their sons make mistakes, but some people do it another way.
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When the child was in his first year of high school, Sister Jin received a call from a school teacher, saying that her son forged a day student entrance and exit certificate (my son is a boarding student), and slipped out of school many times. She was arrested today, and parents were asked to come to school to cooperate with the handling.
When she arrived at school, she breathed a sigh of relief when she learned that the child was standing outside. After apologizing to the teacher, I took the child home.
In the car, she gave the meal she had packed in advance to her son without saying a word.
She also kept silent during the three days of her son being fined at home.
It was not until the fourth day when she sent her son back to school and walked to the school gate that she inadvertently asked: "How did you fight wits and courage with the security guard?"
The son couldn't help but smiled, and then told her the matter from beginning to end.
It turns out that the child is out of school and just wants to take a walk. Sometimes he buys a drink and does not do bad things.
Sister Jin said to her son : "Why are you doing? A person will be punished in the file, and the file will be followed by others for the rest of his life." Sister Jin said emotionally again: mother's eyes are not good, and she is anxious. She drove the highway for several hours in the evening. If something happens, how can you live in the future?
Since then, my son has never caused her trouble again.
The feeling of relaxation is to allow everything to happen, whether it is a good or a bad thing.
When a child makes a mistake, parents should first accept the facts. After all, things have happened, and it will be useless to be anxious and fight.
is worse than being like Sister Jin, taking into account the child's feelings and the emotional fluctuations after he is criticized and dealt with them in a quiet voice first.
When the child feels that even if he makes a mistake, the parents will still care about him and accept him. Only then will the child open his heart to the parents and tell the truth. Parents can also prescribe the right medicine to help their children correct their mistakes and solve problems with their children.
talk show actor birds said: The feeling of relaxation and happiness are unimaginable. Only in real life can one feel it.
3 The feeling of relaxation means that when things happen, you will turn around
Liu Run said: Mediocre people change the result, excellent people change the reason, and the most advanced people change their thinking.
People with strong sense of relaxation will turn when encountering things, will not be determined by one's own will, can accept reality calmly, and then find ways to get out of the predicament in front of you.
Parents who feel weak in relaxation impose their wishes on their children in the name of loving their children and making good for their children. Even if they have already aroused conflicts with their children, they are unwilling to adapt and be stubborn, thus deteriorating their relationship with their children.
In the TV series " Big Test " recommended by CCTV, his son Wu Jiajun likes animation and dreams of becoming an original artist. But his mother Dong Bihua firmly opposed it and insisted on letting him sprint to 985 and learn financial computers.
was furious about this. He ignored his son's begging and smashed his son's drawing board and ruined his son's entries that he had painted for several months.
The son cried anxiously and shouted to his mother:
"Are you sick?"
"I will go far in the future, and I will never see you again. I will leave this home!"
Wu Jiajun's classmate Zhou Bowen said: Your mother is functional illiterate.
The so-called "functional illiteracy" means that a person has reached a certain age or stayed in an environment for a long time, and his cognition has been solidified, and it is difficult for him to adapt to changes, and he is unwilling to change himself. Everything outside her cognition is considered heresy.
Therefore, in Dong Bihua's eyes, doing art is not doing its job properly, and doing art has no future. My son likes to draw but does not study hard and is just making a fool of himself.
Parents with strong sense of relaxation will not act arbitrarily and force their children to do what they do for their parents’ authority when they find that their wishes are inconsistent with their children.
created the legendary education master of "one family, three academicians, nine sons are all talented" Liang Qichao . His way of teaching children is still worthy of reference for parents today a hundred years later.
The eldest son Sicheng learned simple art architecture, and Dad Liang expected that it would be difficult for him to find a job after graduation.
So, he suggested that his son transfer to architectural engineering.
But Sicheng did not accept his proposal, and even set the academic direction as the more remote ancient Chinese architecture .
Dad Liang was not angry, but encouraged: This is a big cause and it is very likely to be successful.
When Northern Song " Creating French " was published again, Liang Qichao immediately "snatched" the book and delivered it to his son who was studying in the United States from afar.
Liang Sicheng It was like a treasure after getting this book. At that time, he was worried that an ancient civilization like China had no architectural history of its own. From then on, he began to focus on architectural research and "deciphering" "Creation of French Style".
In 1963, Liang Sicheng completed the first draft of "Creation of French Annotations" and became a great architect in the history of Chinese architecture.
Mountains can't come over me. When the set route is not working, it is better to give up decisively than to fall into a deadlock; when there is disagreement with children, it is better to adapt in time than to consume each other.
Whether it is academic, career or marriage, Liang Qichao thinks first and carefully for the children, but he also understands that although parents are the creators of their children's lives, they are not the controllers of their children's thoughts.
He respects his children's interests and choices, and his children also regard him as teachers and friends.
Real education is never a skill of turning stones into gold and becoming a Buddha standing on the ground, but a process of spring breeze turning into rain and natural inaction.
An educator once said:
If you want your child to become a talent, let yourself be his role model.
And I want to say:
If you want to have an intimate parent-child relationship, then start by not being blamed, being calm and being able to adapt.
Welcome to share your insights in the comment section.
Author: Lin Dongdong Paintings
Article source: "How do we be fathers today: Liang Qichao talks about family education"
