Yesterday, a mother complained to me: Every time she said "no" to her child, he would start crying and making fun.
Facing a noisy child, it is definitely a difficult practice for parents to be calm.
Think about it carefully. In life, we do say a lot of "no" to our children:
- When eating, you cannot watch TV;
- On the dining table, you cannot just choose the food you like;
- In public places, don't scream loudly;
There are too many life scenes in which you say "no" to your children, but many parents will find that although they say "no" many times, the children still repeat it again and again, which is really tiring.
Some parents can't help it for a moment and yell at their children in an attempt to shock their children.
Remember Jia Jingwen said this in " Mother is Superman ":
"The more you yell at her, the louder she will be, because she is afraid. The more she is afraid, the more she will use an out-of-control method to let you know that I am afraid...
Adults must keep calm and get rid of their anger."
In the face of the child's noisy, parents must control their emotions and say "no" to the child. If they don't listen, it may be because the method is used in the wrong way.
1 years old, please take your child by yourself
There is a very famous "Hallow Rhesus Monkey " experiment in psychology:
Researchers separated the newborn little monkey from his mother and then tied it with two artificial "mothers".
One is iron wire mother , with a bottle hanging on the chest;
The other is cloth mother , without milk, but with a soft velvet cloth.
experimental results found that only when the little monkey was so hungry that he would go to the iron wire mother to suck milk, and would run to stay with the velvet mother at other times.
After years of scientific research, it was confirmed that the attachment relationship between mothers and infants is not just as simple as breastfeeding;
also has some other important links, such as physical contact, caressing, and prompt response to children's interactions.
No matter what the factors are, in the first year after the child is born, the first caregiver is best for the mother.
Because of this period, the child and the mother need and depend on each other to live together;
allows both parties to successfully pass through this period of great physical and psychological transformation, which is also called the "symbiosis period".
When children are young, especially within 1 and a half years old, it is best to take care of their children themselves and have a fixed raising person, which can satisfy their children's sense of security.
When a child's attachment and sense of security are satisfied, a happy and relaxed feeling will appear. On the contrary, the child will feel irritable and restless.
Psychological research has found that if a person does not receive this attachment satisfaction for a long time in his life, he will easily develop dissatisfaction, which leads to personality disorders such as irritability, sensitivity, and neuroticism.
Dr. Montessori mentioned in his original book "Absorbent Mind" that human individuals need to go through two embryonic stages from production, formation to development and maturity.
One is an individual who becomes an independent from conception to leaving the mother. This is the fetal stage, also known as the physiological embryonic stage;
The other is the psychological embryonic stage from birth to three years old (0-3 years old).
The embryonic stage is an important stage in which infants and young children gradually transform from unconsciousness to consciousness, forming cognitive abilities such as perception, memory, imagination, and thinking.
is also a critical period for the development of infants and young children's interests, abilities, temperament, and personality.
In the first year after the child is born, no matter how difficult it is, you must take care of the child yourself.
6 years old, say "no" to your child
Children's growth requires the care of parents' "love", but the essence of love is not just satisfaction.
is not just about indulging in every way to satisfy the "happiness" of children.
We often say that we should love our children, so that some parents "accept" their children's unreasonable requests, and they don't know how to reject them.
Facing the unreasonable demands of children, parents must show the courage to say "no" to their children.
First of all, we must be clear that the most fundamental purpose of saying "no" to children should be these two points:
First, let children stop some wrong behavior; second, teach children the correct way.
with this purpose, you can say "no" to your child like this.
When parents say "no" to their children, they must be calm and calm, and cannot discipline their children with emotions;
Don't sarcasticize their children, and do not treat things but people. This is the most basic bottom line for educating children.
1. Say "no" to the unreasonable demands of children.
In life, when you find that your child sees other people's toys and insists on taking them home;
Or take him to go shopping and sees fun things, which is obviously not suitable for his age group, and he insists on buying them without listening to advice...
When a child has this mentality of "not giving up until he achieves his goal", you must say "no" to his unreasonable demands.
Children may show crying or cheating, especially when they reject the child for the first time, they will not be able to accept it and continue to cry endlessly.
At this time, as parents, don’t scold their children, don’t reason at this time, and don’t choose to leave and hide away.
The best way is to stay by his side quietly and watch him cry.
and tell him "It's wrong for you to do this. If you want to cry, I'll stay with you. When your emotions stabilize, I'll tell you what to do."
After the child cried for a while, he saw that your firm attitude could not be shaken, he calmed down.
2. Use rules to positively restrict children's behavior.
Instead of saying "no" to your child every time, it is better to set the rules as soon as possible and use the rules to restrict the child's behavior.
Italian educator Dr. Maria Montessori said that children aged 3-6 are usually called " damp cement period ". At this time, the child has the strongest plasticity and is the best time to set rules.
html If you don’t set rules for your children before the age of 56, no matter how good the education is, it will be useless.
Set six basic rules for children:
(1) You cannot have rough and vulgar behavior.
(2) Other people’s things cannot be taken, your own things are at your own control.
(3) Where to get the thing back.
(4) Toys and all public goods, whoever gets them first uses them, the latter must wait.
(5) Do not disturb others.
(6) Apologize for doing something wrong and have the right to ask others to apologize.
Children have rules and boundaries in their minds. When doing things, they will understand what can be done and what cannot be done, and they can only be responsible for their emotions, behaviors and attitudes.
3. First, empathize with , and then explain "no"
psychologist Wu Zhihong said:
Children are the receiver of parents' emotions. When parents are uneasy, the children will be alert immediately;
When parents relax, the children will immediately feel happy.
Before you say "no" to your child, you might as well empathize with your child first.
For example, what should we do when a child is crying?
First of all, we must recognize the child’s feelings, and at the same time give him a hug to resonate with the child emotionally.
Next to , we should guide children to learn to manage their emotions.
When the child’s emotions explode, empathize and accompany him. After the child’s emotions are stable, you can try to express his feelings and summarize his emotions.
Although children are young, they also need to be understood and respected.
If you just blindly say "no" to your child without explaining it, this tough method will make the child develop a stubborn and rebellious mentality.
At this time, it is very necessary for parents to explain patiently.
For example, it is time to go to bed, and the child wants to eat candy;
Facing the child's requirements, if parents insist on "no" or "no" and refuse the child, they will not explain it after rejecting the child, and it will be difficult for the child to understand why I don't let me eat it.
After rejecting the child, you can express it like this:
" I know you want to eat candy now, but now we are going to sleep. Eating candy now is not good for your teeth, so why not keep it for you tomorrow! "
After rejecting the child, explain patiently and give specific suggestions. The child can feel that his words are listened to by his parents, and his ideas are respected.
Even if the parents do not agree to their request, they will accept it smoothly when they think of their parents’ suggestions.
There are many ways to educate children, but there is only one purpose, that is, to make children better.
Instead of being a parent who gives orders, it is better to tell your child why he cannot do it and suggest how he can do it and become a guide on his child's growth path.
*Daily Montessori: Montessori Growth Exchange Platform, a public account with content, depth and warmth .
