So do we need to avoid letting children face setbacks? Actually not.
Regarding setbacks, I summarized them as these three points for myself: It occurs naturally, encouraged companionship, and free control.
frustration exists like air, and frustration should be allowed to occur naturally, but there is no need to set it deliberately.
I remember that my child was not rich enough after he was born, and he was so hungry that he cried loudly; he started to learn to walk, and once his forehead hit the corner of the table, and a big bag immediately bulged; he was a little bigger, and went to kindergarten, and in the playground, the teacher asked each child to walk on the balance beam, and my family was scared to cry loudly after walking two steps.
Another example in this epidemic, the child understood what a virus is, what is blockade, what is food shortage, and why a piece of biscuit needs to be broken into two halves and eaten with his younger brother.
As the child grows up, setbacks are everywhere, like shadows. We really don’t need to bother to create setback education.
Moreover, children's sense of touch is sensitive and their thinking operates in a single line. When facing human setbacks, most of them cannot feel the "good intentions" of adults, but instead lose their sense of security because of their "turning back" and "opposition".
Encouraging companionship means that on the one hand, not doing it for the child, but on the other hand, identifying with the child's emotions emotionally, and ease the child's negative emotions in an encouragement way. Emotional support and methodological guidance for adults are very important, which can help children see the "light at the end of the tunnel".
The founder of the reverse quotient theory. Stotz mentioned in his book " Reverse Stories " that a person's success is largely affected by how he sees adversity. If he thinks that adversity is lasting, internal, and is more likely to be difficult to break free when encountering difficulties. On the contrary, if he thinks that adversity is external and short-lived, then people will be optimistic and positive.
And adults’ companionship plays this role, illuminating the “light” in the child’s heart, teaching children to use growth thinking to see that the core of adversity is external and short, making children feel more secure and more focused on dealing with setbacks in adversity.
Back to the two things I mentioned about Bear's crazy, I was late for online classes and collapsed as soon as I did math problems.
To be honest, I was indeed very angry about the child's performance, but when both parties calmed down, I still found an opportunity to have a good chat with her.
Only after chatting, the child didn't like math class because the teacher was always dragging the class, which made her a little disgusted, so she took the method of being late and leaving early to protest silently.
She thinks she is a math scumbag, and when she is doing homework, she reinforces her point of view, so she feels very bad.
After listening to her statement, I expressed my deep feelings and told her that I had encountered the same problem before.
Regarding the doutang, I said that when I was a child, I didn’t like the teacher always doutang, but I didn’t have the courage to resist like this, so I praised her for being independent than me.
Regarding math scum, I told her mother that she was a math scumbag when she was a child, but the methods were always more difficult than difficulties. When I was in middle school, I felt that my math was too poor. I asked my brother who was studying in Beijing to buy me relevant tutoring books, and I also bribed the "math master" of the same grade with a lot of snacks to make up for me.
recognized the child's emotions, expressed his own experiences, and made rational judgments with her, but in the end, he still had to give control of the problem solving to the child himself.
