During my live broadcast, a college student asked about a troubling matter. He said that he suspected that his roommate had peeked at his cell phone, and he deliberately gave the roommate a password-locked cell phone and asked the roommate to help him charge it as a test. Later, he questioned his roommate again and again. The roommate repeatedly denied peeking at his cell phone, but he did not believe it. He also asked the roommate to swear on his family member, which he did, but he still did not believe it.
Listening to his narration, it is actually easy to tell that he is very suspicious and finds it difficult to trust others. This is basically caused by a poor sense of security, because "doubt" is an emotion derived from fear. When I directly pointed out that the problem was that he was suspicious and had a bad sense of security, he still persisted in telling what was bothering him. I had to ask him, what is it on your phone that you are so afraid of others looking at? He said that actually it was nothing, just the chat history with his girlfriend. He also emphasized that he would not care if it was seen in person, but he would not accept it if it was seen secretly. It can also be seen from this point that his inner insecurity, when he feels that others will do something behind his back, will trigger his great fear, so he falls into this kind of doubt and cannot extricate himself, no matter how much his roommate swears, he will not believe it.
I emphasized again that it was a psychological problem, and asked about his growing up experience and his family of origin. He finally told me that he suffered from severe anxiety and depression. When he was a child, his parents often quarreled, fought, and got divorced. , I pointed out that this was the root of his problem. These experiences had caused his sense of security to not be established, his inner fear was relatively large, and his mental illness was not cured at all, because the root cause had not been eliminated, but it only manifested as a kind of obsessive thinking at this stage. To truly solve the problem, we must heal the psychological trauma caused by his childhood family of origin, resolve his inner fear, and rebuild his sense of security.
When I said this, he didn't take it seriously. He thought those things were in the past, and he no longer thought about them or cared about them. Now he just focused on looking forward. In fact, there are many people who see things like him, including some so-called professional psychology practitioners. They all think that the past has passed, there is no need to mention it again, and it is meaningless.
However, for most people, especially those with mental illness, the past does not really have a past. It can be said that most people live in the memory of the past, but they do not know it. The memory of the past affects people's present all the time.
We know that human life is composed of physical and mental parts, and both physical and mental are a growth and development process from scratch, from small to large, from weak to strong. Everyone can understand the process of physical growth, but how does the mind grow and develop? Because it is invisible and intangible, many people actually do not pay attention to this process. In fact, people's psychological growth is deeply affected by the environment and experience. It can be said that human character is shaped by the environment and experience.
We can also understand it this way. The growth and development of the body depends on material nutrition. We obtain nutrients from food through eating and drinking, so that the body can survive and develop. In the same way, psychological growth also requires psychological nutrition. We call it "psychological needs". "Need" specifically includes the need for security, acceptance and recognition, love, etc. Only when these basic psychological needs are met can the human psychology grow and develop normally. Otherwise, the heart will not grow. Even if the body is mature and legally an adult, the psychology will still stay at the level of a child. We call it immature psychological development.
The satisfaction of this psychological need depends on the growth environment and experience. If an individual has a poor growth environment and has experienced various injuries, such as parents often quarreling, fighting, divorce, being often beaten and scolded by parents, or being hurt by others without effective protection from parents, etc., then the individual's security needs are not satisfied, and the heart is full of fear, which will form a timid, sensitive, suspicious character, and may also lead to a bad temper.
If the basic psychological needs cannot be satisfied due to childhood experiences, then the individual's psychological development will stay at the stage of children, that is, at the unconscious instinct stage. Their entire life is often dominated by unconscious psychology, especially when encountering things, most of their psychological reactions are unconscious and prone to emotional and irrational behavior, rather than rationally like normal adults. Dealing with and solving problems, just like the example above, when the college student faced something that was not a big deal, he had to make something happen, which made him very troubled. If his behavior occurred after entering the society, it would most likely cause conflicts, and his future interpersonal relationships, especially intimate relationships, would have many problems, because he would easily doubt his partner, and he would catch on to some unnecessary things without end. There is no rationality at all, which would make the other party intolerable and lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
Therefore, for this college student, his parents' divorce happened when he was a child. It has indeed passed. In his words, he doesn't care anymore. Even if his parents are divorced now, he doesn't care. From a practical point of view, it is true. But when he was a child, when his parents divorced, he was very scared and helpless. He faced an unstable family for a long time and was always worried about losing his family. This fear accumulated over time. Tiredness fills his heart. Even if the incident is over and he has grown up, he is still afraid in his heart. It is just that he will not be afraid of his parents' divorce, but it will be transferred to the fear of other things. It will evolve into sensitivity, suspicion, impatience, and he will be easily emotional. He will be unable to accept separation and loss. Even he admits that once his partner betrays him or breaks up with him, he may do some extreme behavior, so it is dangerous to fall in love with such people.
Therefore, all mental diseases have the root of psychological trauma, and the so-called psychological trauma means that the psychological needs that should be met are not met, which leads to the psychological development to stay in the unconscious instinctive stage. In the process of growing up and coming into contact with society, people will not respond rationally when encountering problems, and they will not be able to effectively handle and solve problems, so they will fall into various emotions and eventually develop into psychological diseases.
Therefore, if you want to completely cure mental illness, you must find the source of the trauma, heal the psychological trauma, and at the same time, re-grow yourself psychologically.
