What is the meaning of
Question 6: What did the 4th psychological counseling say?
The 4th time: Talking about the feeling of guilt about being angry with parents. It also mentioned how children deal with strict parents, and they can only choose passive obedience and pleasure, and thus form a "dependence" and "pleasant" lifestyle after adulthood, and they will never be able to grow up.
Question 7: What did the 5th psychological counseling say?
The fifth time: Continue to talk about "how is your spirit today", Toad said he is a little happier than before. If you choose the position in the emotional temperature, it is between 5 or 6. The marking for the first interview is between scales 1 and 2. And further analyze "anger", "compliant behavior", "unaggressive anger", and at the same time raise the question of when to learn to be an adult.
- introduces what is a submissive behavior and what is included.
Change one's own behavior to deal with strict parents is called "compliance behavior", which mainly includes "consent", "pleasing", "apology", and "dependence".
- introduces the practical problems that are mainly solved in this consultation.
Let's start from here and imagine this scenario: you are captured by two kind dictators, who have completely controlled you, and at the same time, they care about you very much. How would you feel?
Let’s change the metaphor, and this time we use science as an example. Imagine that an gas tank starts to get hot, the pressure is getting bigger and bigger, and there is danger of explosion. How can you quickly decompress the pressure? "
- introduces the solution to the problem
Children's natural type children in their self-state will take the method of tantrum, while adaptive children will take the method of tantrum. And draw a picture "How children release anger", which is arranged from strong to weak as rebellious, tantrum, tantrum, willful, depressed, procrastinated, Bored, retreat. ——Seeing this, I think I discovered a new world. Procrastination, retreat, depression are often mentioned in the inspirations recorded in the official account. This may be that I am releasing my anger, but I am not aware of this layer.
Question 8: What did the 6th psychological counseling say?
6th: Continue to ask "How do you feel?" ”, and mentioned the 'PLOM' game, which means 'poor and weak me', dishonest, co-conspiracy, and through the "badger persuades the toad to withdraw from the board of directors, we continue to discuss the "child self-state" and extend to the "parent self-state" and further split into "picky parents".
- 'parent state' what is 'parent state'?
'parent state' contains me since birth. All the values and moral values we learn from our parents also include the criteria for judging life, so that we can judge right and wrong. These values come from parents, so parents are the people who can best influence our behavior. Their words and deeds shape our childhood life and inevitably affect our future generations.
- What are the characteristics of ‘picky parents’?
Heron asked: “Toad, what words would you use to describe people in the ‘picky parents’ state? "I think we've said it. "The toad picked up the crayon and wrote down the words "love to criticize people", "angry", and "severe". "I guess there are many other words, right?" "He asked.
- Why does toad have no 'parent self-state'?
Does toad have a "parent self-state"? Then, the heron said: "Now, let's define this problem. "He wrote: 1. Everyone has " Parental Self-State ". 2. There seems to be no evidence that the toad has "Parent Self-State".The heron turned to the toad and asked, “So what’s our next question?” “Obviously, the next question must be ‘Why I haven’t?’” “I think there’s a more logical question,” the heron said. "What is it?" "We can ask, 'How does it work?'" What are the problems with
- 'Adaptive Child Status'?
will really criticize and punish yourself. He even mistakenly thought that he was meeting his own needs.
- 'co-conspiracy', what does it mean?
means 'secure or unconsciously cooperating with others', that is, a person can conspire with himself to condemn himself without knowing it, and even the subconscious cannot detect it.
Question 9: What did the 7th psychological counseling say?
The 7th time: Continue "How do you feel?" The toad feedback is obviously happier than in the past, and it is also much more energetic. From this, the reasons for these changes are no longer led by emotions, and self-inspection and emotional intelligence are improving, and we mention "parent self-state" and "child self-state" again, and further extend the "adult state".
- What is "adult state"?
"''adult self-state [illustration]' refers to us acting in a rational rather than emotional way. It allows us to deal with the reality that is happening now and now. "The Heron replied. "What does this mean? "It means that in this state, we can plan, consider, decide, and act, and we can act rationally and reasonably. When we are in this state, all our knowledge and skills can be used for ourselves, and we are no longer driven by the past voices of our parents in our minds, nor are we surrounded by the emotions of our childhood. On the contrary, we can think about the current situation and decide what to do based on facts. "
- 'Adult state' or the other two states?
" In a successful life, these three states are all necessary. They have evolved for thousands of years, so each state is definitely important and valuable to survival. However, what we can say is that ‘adult status’ has its special importance. "
" Only in the 'adult self-state' can new knowledge about the self be learned. "
is in the 'child state', you will experience the feelings of childhood, both good and bad. You will reappear in the past and experience the emotions of the past again, but you can't learn anything new. When
is in the 'parents' self-state', you are basically either picking or educating others. No matter which one is, you are repeating your words and deeds. You will want to prove the concepts and values you learned from your parents and let others accept your concepts and values. This state of confidence cannot leave a place for new knowledge and new ideas. Old ideas dominate you, which is why arguments alone cannot change a person's ideas, and it will only make people more stubborn."
So only by being in the 'adult self-state' can you better understand yourself. Because only at that time can you think about the current situation, evaluate your behavior, or listen to others' opinions of you without refuting it immediately, of course, this is difficult to do. "
- Why is it so difficult to enter the 'adult state'?
First, no one can force others to enter their 'adult state'. You can only encourage them, just like I have been encouraging you. But I can't force you, only you can decide what to do.
" Second, I don't know what you should do. The main goal of consultation is to enable you to find the answers on your own. I will assist you in the process, but only you can make the decision."
- Why do you say that all pain and torture are self-inflicted?
"Oh, come on! "The toad interrupted the heron, "No normal person would 'choose' to feel sad or pain. This makes no sense at all. "I know, this sounds unlikely, but you can think from another perspective. How can a person enter your head and force you to have any emotions? That is really impossible. Others may influence or convince you, but in the end, it is you who decide what kind of feelings you want to choose. "The toad looked confused: "You mean that people's pain and torture are all self-inflicted? I really can't believe it. "
- How long do you still have to blame others for your unhappiness?
But I don't want to blame myself. This option is not necessary, because blaming is something people do in the 'children's self-state', although they like to stay in that state the most.
But what appropriate way may a person in the 'adult self-state' do?" Toad was full of contradictions, and he subconsciously knew that he was at an important moment of self-exploration.
"How about taking responsibility compared to blaming, how about taking responsibility?" The toad finally said calmly: "Are I responsible for my actions?" "It also includes my own emotions, which is what adults will do.
There is no doubt that this is difficult, but compared to blaming others, it really has a huge advantage. That is, you can start to act on this. If you are responsible for yourself, you will realize that you have autonomy over yourself. Therefore, you know that you have the power to change. Situation, more importantly, has the power to change yourself, and for those parents who have been treating us severely since childhood, try to start forgiveing.
Question 10: What did the 8th psychological counseling say?
8th: Talk about the "Toad's Life Story", rowing, schooner trip, all look forward to winning praise from friends. After telling the story, I proposed the "story is very interesting, but the key is, what did I learn from it? ", this allows the toad to gain the ability to no longer condemn itself when recalling, to find the connection between events, to look at it objectively, and no longer feel guilty. In other words, the toad reflects on what he does and learns from it.
