She looked at the building opposite and suddenly an idea came out: Jump down! This idea scared Yingzi! This impulse seems to be completely uncontrollable.
29-year-old, she is mentally confused and has difficulty concentrating, makes frequent mistakes, is fired by the company, and her mood is even worse. In addition, she was suddenly blocked at home during the epidemic, which is simply worse for her. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I went to the hospital with my family for treatment.
was diagnosed with major depression, and Yingzi and her mother responded completely oppositely. She felt like she was much more relaxed in an instant, and her mother looked disbelief. He told the doctor: We didn’t force her child since she was a child, and we didn’t have any requirements for her. We will try our best to satisfy whatever the child wants. Our family is also very democratic and will discuss everything with the children. How can such a family environment depression ? What exactly is the problem with
?
Let’s take a look at a scene:
Child: I’m very tired today and don’t want to go out for a run anymore.
Parents: Why are you so unwilling to be healthy by persisting in exercising. You see, you are always sick.
Children: But I don’t have the strength today and don’t want to run
Parents: Don’t you have the strength to run more? Look at XXX's XXX. People go out to exercise every day and they are in good health.
child: He is him, I am my
parent: You can't do this well, what else can you do?
child: You can do it? OK, why don't you go and run? Why are you staring at me every day?
Parents: Then I ran away, you didn’t run, aren’t your health still that bad?
Child: If you want to run, go run, I won’t run if I don’t want to run!
Parents: Then I I'll eat the cooked food, don't eat it! Scenarios like
are very common. In such a life, children feel that they are bad. It seems that my parents didn't force me to exercise and had no requirements for me. Instead, they let down their kindness. But no matter what you do, your parents seem to be unsatisfied and always disappoint them. Seeing that parents worry about themselves, children also want to work hard to make them happy, but they are really unable to complete it. The more they can't do it, the more guilt and self-blame they feel.
There are many similar situations in life: for example, should you eat vegetables, should you sleep on time, when to take a shower, and when can you watch TV? Whenever a child has his own needs, parents will always provide some extremely "correct" suggestions and solutions based on the experience of those who have experienced it, and look forward to their children's implementation. When the child cannot meet his parents' expectations, the parents will express some disappointment and blame. I will feel that I have put in so much effort, but the child does not know how to be grateful.
In fact, in this process, the child expressed his needs. He said that he was very tired and did not want to run, but his parents did not take his needs seriously. Although they did not force their children to do what they asked in the end, they expressed very firmly that exercise is the right thing to do, and not to exercise is not good. Sometimes the so-called democracy is just a way for parents to provide two options a and b, so that children can choose one of them, and children cannot propose their own option c.
Everything that children do has a "think good" solution for parents. Such situations are repeated day after day, year after year, and the child's wishes are constantly being denied. Can't live as you wish. You will lack control over yourself and your life, thus creating a sense of helpless and hopeless despair, forming learned helplessness.
Acquisitive helplessness refers to a hopeless and helpless behavior and psychological state formed by learning. Learned helplessness is not that you are too lazy to do it, but that you are suspicious of your own abilities and cannot do it. I think that even if I do it myself, I will not be able to get good results. This is also a very important factor in the formation of depression.
(It is recommended to read the book "Surprise Depression")
How to stay away from learned helplessness
1 Cultivate a sense of efficacy and control
First start with small things and cultivate your own sense of efficacy.Based on your actual situation, set small goals and can be achieved with a little effort. For example, cleaning the room. This will fully appreciate the joy and sense of accomplishment after the goal is completed. Refining and clearing the goals can improve execution and make it easier to complete. After completing one small goal after another, you will be more confident and more looking forward to the future.
2 Give tolerance and encouragement
You must allow yourself to make mistakes. When you experience failure and suffer setbacks, you must unconditionally accept and encourage yourself.
analyze the reasons for failure and learn to accept and relieve your negative emotions.
3 Establish a positive thinking mode
When things happen, you should think about it more positively and you will have a positive and optimistic way of thinking. If you often use negative thoughts to explain and think, you will have a negative and pessimistic way of thinking. Use a positive and optimistic way of thinking to explain failure, objectively analyze the causes of failure, and realize that failure is temporary and will be affected by external unstable factors.
How to make "doing" as easy as "saying"? Need to train. It is recommended that friends with depression can read Li Hongfu teacher
"Emotional Self-help". "Emotional Balance Method" can stop negative garbage by taking a few deep breaths, and practice breath-observing practices that can pay attention to breathing at any time. They are all good helpers who help themselves to realize the habit of learning helplessness, and at the same time gradually become accepting and cultivating a healthy and positive attitude. In this way, anxiety and depression are getting further and further away from us!
