"Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make--and Keep-Friends, G.P. Putnam's Sons Publishing Company September 2022, page 336).
Author Marisa G. Franco is a professor of psychology at the University of Maryland in the United States and an internet celebrity in popularizing interpersonal psychology. This book belongs to a self-help book, and is characterized by the motivation and method for establishing and maintaining friendship based on attachment theory and psychological experimental research.
attachment is a theoretical concept used by the German philosopher Schopenhauer to describe the emotional connection between people and objects. According to Schopenhauer, attachment and desire are the sources of pain in life.
Attachment theory in psychology was originally used to study the mechanisms of psychological development in children, but is now increasingly used to guide interpersonal relationship management in adults.
attachment theory distinguishes three attachment types: security, anxiety and avoidance. If attachment needs are met in childhood, a safe type will develop. This type of individual believes that when they encounter difficulties, someone will come to help them, and they are also willing to help others. Individuals who are generally popular with friends in their lives belong to this type.
If the attachment needs of childhood are not met, children will develop anxiety and avoidance attachment types. Anxiety type individuals are afraid of interpersonal relationships, while avoidant type individuals are insecure manifested as rejection. Individuals who usually seem to be cold are actually very fragile in psychology, and their attachment type is avoidance.
attachment theory is simple and clear, and it is easy for people to find corresponding different types in the interpersonal circles around them. According to attachment theory, the type of attachment of each person depends on the relationship between children and caregivers in childhood, among which the unsafe types account for about 40% to 50%, and many interpersonal relationship problems arise. Of course, it is best to be classified as a safe type, but childhood growth experience is history and cannot be changed. Fortunately, the attachment type is not as stable as the Big Five personality model of another type of psychological trait. In different environments, attachment types are at least adjustable.
When an individual of a safe type comes to a new environment, it may also become unsafe. On the contrary, psychological experiments have found that through some intervention methods, unsafe attachment types may also turn to safe types, and there are already some intervention tools and positive experimental results in this regard.
This is also the basic claim of this book. Through self-regulation, individual attachment types drift towards security categories. The author believes that when developing friendship, the most important thing is to build a sense of security between both parties.
book uses six chapters to specifically introduce how to enhance friendship by building a sense of security, including initiative, showing vulnerability, sincerity, managing conflicts, generosity and expressing emotions.
The author opposes the dating principles proposed by Dell Carnegie et al., and believes that these practices are manipulative. Using Carnegie can indeed make more friends, but the unnatural motivations contained in it put the individual in extra stress, resulting in depression and lowering self-esteem, and good friendships should be equal, supportive and developmental.
For example, Carnegie advocates avoiding arguments, while the author believes that conflicts between friends can also be an opportunity to enhance friendship. What is particularly important is that there is no need to suppress your feelings to cater to the other person.
When developing friendship, people still need to face their hearts. Studies have shown that when people are not sincere, they often buy cleaning products afterwards, such as toothpaste, disinfectant, etc., to offset their psychological feelings of being unfirst or unclean.
The author emphasizes that friendship requires a lot of time and energy, which is consistent with Carnegie's claim. The title of the book uses " Plato -style emotion", which is intended to criticize emotional books for overemphasizing intimacy and ignoring friendship. Considering that intimate relationships are not reliable, people should pay more attention to the ability to develop friendships.
books can be compared with the two books we have introduced before. Oxford University Professor Dunbar's "Friends: Understanding the Most Important Relationships in Our Life" explains why these people are in our circle of friends.In his own words, each of us has a barcode printed on our foreheads. Just scan it and you will know our circle of friends.
Harvard Amy Edmondson's "Organizations Without Fear" emphasizes the importance of security to team effectiveness, and the research done by Google in the company also supports her views.
On the other hand, many supervisors and leaders are happy and good at creating fear, trying to use insecurity to control the type of attachment of employees.
From an organizational perspective, improving individual sense of security can stimulate creativity and is the source of future growth potential. In this sense, attachment theory not only helps to improve individual quality of life, but also helps to improve organizational capabilities.
Economic and Management New Book "The Stumbling Journey to Utopia" and other four types (2022.9)
9 September Market Observation, No News
2022 Second Quarter Economic and Management New Book Recommended
2022 First Quarter Economic and Management New Book Recommended
2022 First Quarter Economic and Management New Book Recommended Enterprise Story Collection | Strategy, Organization and Leadership | Small Universe - Listen to the Podcast, go to Small Universe
