The child has a bad temper, loves to get angry, is slow in doing things, does not want to study, likes to watch mobile phones, play games, and is picky about food! If you forget to respond to something, he will get angry and ignore you. The socks are not washed, the quilt is not

The child has a bad temper, loves to get angry, is slow in doing things, does not want to study, likes to watch mobile phones, play games, and is picky about food! If you forget to respond to something, he will get angry and ignore you. The socks are not washed, the quilt is not tidied, and the attitude towards the parents is not good!

So here comes the question: How should rebellious children communicate and discipline?

As the saying goes, you must treat the symptoms and the root cause. Only by grasping the root cause can you solve the actual problem! Today we will look at the essence through the phenomenon! Let’s discuss solving this headache problem together!

Let’s take a look at what adolescent children have experienced? I look at adolescence from three perspectives.

First: Physical changes: Sexual psychology begins to mature! Nei Jing says that for boys, "if the husband is 28, the kidney qi is strong, is the day gui is, the essence and qi are overflowing, and the yin and yang are harmonious, so they can have children." Around the age of sixteen, boys have reached the second stage of physical development in life, and their kidney qi is strong. With the rapid development of secondary sexual characteristics in adolescence, the sexual psychology of adolescence begins to develop and slowly mature.

Children in this period go from being ignorant about sex to beginning to desire to interact with the opposite sex. At the same time, they have ambivalent emotions such as curiosity and fear, desire and shyness towards the opposite sex. So there is a place in your heart that you have never reached. If you do not communicate in time, this place will be closed to you and a door to your heart will be closed. Now you have your own privacy! They may become introverted, have low self-esteem, and be contradictory! If no one understands, he will become irritable! Due to physiological changes, he will want to be independent, have his own space, and want to be respected! If parents communicate in time, explain in time, and relieve physical stress in time, then the children will grow up healthily and happily!

If summer passes quietly and leaves behind this little secret of his, then no one will understand the physiological change of and it will turn into physical pressure! Then it will become sad, sentimental or even depressed, autistic .

Second, psychological changes : Puberty is when children have a stronger awareness of their own thinking, emotions, will and other psychological activities . They have the ability to self-concept, self-perception, self-evaluation, self-experience, and self-monitoring. So what comes out is: he needs to express his equal relationship with the people and environment around him. I have realized the existence of ‘I’ and am looking for the meaning of my existence! Oppose authority and pursue freedom! I am me, the unique me! They hope to gain adult status and pursue independent personality, and the main targets of resistance are their parents and teachers.

Therefore, it is counterproductive for parents to beat and scold him at this time. This beating and scolding is to challenge his "self-awareness"! Either he successfully resists and continues to grow in consciousness, or he fails to resist and becomes autistic, inferior and unable to communicate!

Cognitive functions develop rapidly during adolescence. Generalization, imagination, and memory are all very good. Strong receptive ability, strong learning ability, slightly weak understanding ability. But the brain is still developing, and people tend to become emotional and extreme! This is the time for parents to understand their children. Show the maturity of an adult and put away unnecessary strength.

For example:

I had a conflict with my son once. I told him to stop looking at his phone. Then he said he only looked at it for ten minutes. I said: You obviously looked at it for half an hour!

So he yelled loudly, saying that I was "telling lies with my eyes open!"

I was so angry! He said angrily, "It's incredible, the wings have grown hard, it's incredible!"

Then he also started to make a fuss, "You should be unreasonable, you should talk nonsense!"

As the strong side, I was shocked for a moment. Damn, I got addicted to this. I picked up the clothes hanger on the table, and he ran into the bedroom with a "pop" sound! Close the door tightly.

I was outside the room and asked him to open the door, but he didn’t open the door no matter how I asked him? I'm really angry! Then, feeling helpless, I sat down. After thinking about it calmly, I made his favorite drink—coconut juice.Then I took out the paper, took out the pen, and wrote a small note!

My child, you haven’t drank water for so long, you must be thirsty, right? Mom will make you a drink, you have to drink it all. Mom was very emotional just now, which is a sign of immaturity as an adult! It seems that you love your mobile phone so much, every minute is full of love! I have to come on! Otherwise, the mobile phone will snatch my son away, which is not good!

Not long after, my son came out. He didn’t drink the coconut water first, but brought it directly to me. He asked me to drink it and apologized to me, admitting his mistake. I felt aggrieved and moved at the same time. Tears streaming down my face, I know he has grown up!

Third, the physical and mental development is not synchronized ! Due to the immature development of brain neurological functions in adolescent children, the rapid development of psychology, especially secondary sexual characteristics, leads to uncoordinated physical and psychological development, and an imbalance in the excitement and inhibition of neurological functions. As a result, adolescent children are emotionally rich but not Stable, often prone to acting emotionally and impulsively! The emotional experience is deep and intense. It is easy to be polarized. Sometimes, you are arrogant and mainly looking for dignity and respect. Once you are not respected and are verbally attacked, it is easy to transfer your emotions in the game and become addicted to the game!

Sometimes after being proud, I also understand what pride is. Because of my sober consciousness and low self-esteem, the gap is huge! I am quite conflicted inside!

At this time, we need mature adults to help him analyze the problem, solve the problem, and help him eliminate difficulties! Understand his growing pains!

Fourth, high learning pressure : Children in modern society have entered adolescence and are all in a state of learning. After entering adolescence, most students go to middle school, where there are more subjects and academic pressure becomes heavier. Children who can keep up with their studies have developed good study habits since childhood and are willing to devote a lot of time and energy. This means they are self-disciplined in their studies and have little psychological pressure. If you have a balanced diet and exercise, there won't be much physical or psychological stress. On the contrary, if you have not developed good study habits since childhood, you will not be able to study independently. The results in all subjects are not satisfactory. Then, his physical and mental pressure increased. The parents scolded him a few more times, criticized him, accused him...and put external pressure on him! He soon gets tired of studying. If there is nowhere to vent this emotion, you will either become irritable or autistic.

How to let children spend their adolescence smoothly and happily? I think everyone should have the answer. My answer is to understand, communicate, help and support! Because it grows up really fast!

The above four points are the results of my observation of adolescent children. Welcome to express your opinions in the comment area! Aunt Lianxin will write here first today! see you later!