‖ 4. How to let children have dreams/ideals? Why do "chicken babies" have to "chicken themselves" first? In the process of our growth, ideals are like "lighthouses" in the distance, shining with light that can calm us down. When we are helpless and can't hold on, look at that "li

‖ 4. How to let children have dreams/ideals? Why do "chicken babies" have to "chicken themselves" first?

In the process of our growth, ideals are like "lighthouses" in the distance , shining with light that can calm us down. When we are helpless and can't hold on, look at that "lighthouse" and see Looking at that beam of light, it seems that I have the strength to continue moving forward.

Do you also have such a "lighthouse"? If so, then you are very lucky, just like Gu Ailing, her grandma and mother were her idols since childhood, so she inherited many valuable qualities from these two people. Then let’s explain the psychological significance of idols to children from a psychological perspective.

In the previous video, we mentioned that children are born with a sense of "omnipotence", which makes them have an exaggerated self-confidence of "I can do everything". However, this sense of omnipotence will inevitably fail when encountering reality. Being hit, for example, a child wants to be a superman in excitement, but falls down. Not only can he not fly, he can't even climb up. At this time, the sense of omnipotence is replaced by a "feeling of helplessness", is deeply hit, wow wow Cry loudly.

At this time, the father came over and hugged him, then lifted him above his head and made a flying motion. The child burst into tears and laughed. The feeling of almighty returned, but he was just with his father. At this time, he regarded his father as He became an idol, which is called "idealization" in psychology. This idealization planted a seed for him: I also want to be a person like my father! In the end, this image was internalized into a "lighthouse" in the mind, that is, an ideal.

From a psychological point of view, idols and idealization can provide two very important functions to children: One is to provide calm power . For example, Gu Ailing's grandmother said to her: Don't be afraid, just work hard! The second is to let children have ideals and values. For example, when Gu Ailing was 6 years old, she had an ideal to be admitted to Stanford because her mother studied there. In order for children to have dreams and ideals, both functions must be present at the same time.

How to let children have dreams/ideals?

When children grow up, parents can be "idealized" by their children and become their idols. The meaning of parents' existence is not to give their children a comfortable and wealthy life, but to fill their hearts with strength when they think of their parents. You will feel the warmth and have the courage and motivation to keep moving forward. In addition to parents, teachers and people whom children admire can take on this important responsibility.

Why do "chicken babies" have to "chicken themselves" first?

Chicken Chicken first has a psychological basis. If you want your children to have ideals or dreams, you must first become that kind of person and become their idol. At the same time, you must also provide a calming force, that is, when When your child collapses, you can let him rely on you. Only in this way can you give your child a "lighthouse" to illuminate his future path.

‖ 5. Why should we encourage children to make more friends and compete more? On the road to growth, which one is more important, "friends" or "opponents"?

As a skier, Gu Ailing has participated in many competitions, many of which are top-level events. This process of "winning" is of course very important. Today we will talk about some of the psychological elements behind "winning".

Let me make a digression first. When I mention " Coca-Cola ", will you think of " Pepsi "? When I mention " McDonald's ", will you think of " KFC "? Back to the stadium, when I mention " Lin Dan ", will you think of " Lee Chong Wei "? In psychology, this kind of frenemy-friend relationship is called mutual "other self" , that is: psychologically very similar to oneself, almost another me.

The existence of another person satisfies the similarities that a person needs to experience from birth to death, for example: we are all human beings! We are all athletes! We both love skiing! We all have a heart that wants to "win"!

In this sense, friends and opponents are actually the same. They are both people who accompany and support you psychologically. Friends are easy to understand, and opponents refer more to: If you are still working hard, I can't fail. Next, this is also a kind of support.

In psychology, the "other self" is very energetic, and it allows a person to have various talents. For example, in "Doraemon", Yasuo is accompanied by a robot cat, and his life becomes colorful. Yasuo also has All kinds of superpowers.

The same is true in reality. Gu Ailing's mother said that when she first took Gu Ailing to ski, she just wanted to find a "companion" for herself. This "companion" is the "other self" . During the skiing process, her mother and Ailing After playing together, Ai Ling unlocked various skiing skills. Afterwards, Ai Ling participated in the competition and had a new "other self".

has developed more proficient and advanced skills under the company and supervision of his new teammates. The same is true for other sports. With the joining of his friends, Ailing has experienced different companionship and support.

Why should we encourage children to make more friends and compete more?

The first time a child realizes the "other self" is in the process of playing. The friend he can play with is the "other self". This "other self" not only allows the child to experience the fun of the game, but also has a sense of "each other". The power of "support", such as completing difficult tasks together, the same is true for competitions, experiencing the same training, the same tension, the same joy, this experience cannot be replaced by other relationships. This process also allows children to develop various talents. In the growth process of

, which one is more important, "friends" or "opponents"?

are equally important, because they are all "others", people who have the same psychological experience as themselves. Because they have the same experience, their emotions will be particularly deep. This emotion is opposite to "loneliness" A sense of belonging, also because we have the same experience. Competing with "opponents" is sometimes a competition with ourselves. In the process of competing, we continue to grow.

‖ 6. How to treat the Gu Ailing phenomenon? How difficult is it to grow into a mentally healthy person?

2022Who is the most popular? It is none other than Gu Ailing. The shocking jump in in the Winter Olympics introduced us to a world champion. The overwhelming reports afterwards introduced us to a talented girl who is confident, brave, self-disciplined and extremely talented. This image It is so close to perfection that people from all over the country, men, women and children are talking about it.

Today we will talk about some of the psychological factors behind Gu Ailing’s popularity from a psychological perspective.

The reason why Gu Ailing is so popular is because of her personality. The healthier a person is mentally, the more we can feel her strength and vitality. From a psychological point of view, it is difficult for to grow into a very mentally healthy person. Yes, what is the difficulty with ? Hear me out.

We all know that a person's growth requires the participation of psychological resources. From a baby to an adult, there are roughly three types of resources:

First: the child's desire for good expression must be allowed and given appropriate responses

Previous The video said that children are born with innate self-confidence. This self-confidence is too exaggerated and cannot be well understood and treated, especially if you take "humility makes people progress, pride makes people fall behind." From the perspective of moral standards, this needs to be corrected.

As a result, many children were not "mirrored" when they were young, but were instead suppressed. This suppression caused the qualities that could have developed into "confidence" to develop in the direction of "inferiority". Gu Ailing was fully allowed by her mother and grandmother in this regard, so she has the confidence we see.

Second: Children should have idols, from whom they can feel the power.

From a psychological point of view, parents are the first people to be regarded as idols by their children. Because objectively they are too weak and cannot do many things, so they are prone to psychological dependence.

In clinical practice, I have also observed that if a child has an idol in his heart, his growth path will be much smoother, because when he thinks of this idol, he will have strength in his heart, feel warmth, and have the ability to recover after falling. The courage and ability to stand up.

Third: Children should have partners to help develop various talents.

There is a saying: Your circle determines your development level. emphasizes that this circle must be a circle that you particularly want to participate in and have a special sense of belonging. Those circles that others force you to join are not counted. Why does

specifically point out this point? Because only in a circle that gives you a special sense of belonging can you have "partners" and "others" in the true sense. Only by interacting in such a circle can you develop various talents. I mentioned in the previous video that Gu Ailing She has many partners, including her mother, grandmother, teammates, classmates, etc. These people are also helping Ailing grow.

How difficult is it to grow into a mentally healthy person?

At least these three types of resources must be supported:

First: The child's desire for expression must be allowed and appropriate responses

Second: The child must have an idol from whom he can feel the power.

Third: Children should have partners to help develop various talents.