1. The teacher called Xiao Ming to the office and asked: "Why is your homework getting worse and worse? What's going on?" Xiao Ming thought for a while and replied: "Teacher, wait for me to find out the reason. I'll see you in the afternoon." Can I tell you?" The teacher said, "Okay, remember to find the reason!" In the afternoon, the teacher called Xiao Ming to the office again and asked, "How is it, have you found the reason?" Xiao Ming immediately replied: " I found the reason. My grandfather said that the homework is getting more and more difficult, and he can’t help it. "Teacher. . . . . .
2. I am a physics expert. The day before yesterday, I took my girlfriend to my house. It was hot and she wanted to turn on the fan. I taught her a lesson: "Dear, according to energy conservation , you can't turn on the fan. The heat in the room will not be reduced, but the motor will generate heat, making the room even hotter!" After hearing this, my girlfriend slapped me twice: "You are not even willing to turn on the fan, you stingy guy, huh! "Then she turned away.
Hey, I simply can’t communicate with people who don’t understand physics!
3. I asked my boss how he selected me from many applicants. Boss: Is there a possibility that among the many applicants, only you are willing to stay?
I...
4. I often heard a saying when I was in middle school: Money is like dirt! When I was in college, I often heard a saying: A flower stuck in cow dung! It was only after I graduated and started working that I realized that these two sentences must be understood together.
5. The female boss asked me to go to the office alone for a heart-to-heart talk. When no one was around, she suddenly took my hand and said: "Brother, I want to be your girlfriend!" I didn't know how to answer, and then she said: " As long as you agree, the company will be yours from now on, and I will go home and pick up the baby for you!” The conditions were good, but I was afraid that I was dreaming, so I said, “Can I slap you?”
The female boss said: "No problem, just hit her!" Then I slapped her, and then I heard a scream, and then my wife punched and kicked me and said, "You bastard, you are sleepwalking, hit me What are you doing?" I touched my swollen face and felt secretly proud. Fortunately, it was a dream, otherwise my wife would have maimed me.
6. After my father-in-law retired, he gave me a loan to buy a BMW 7 Series . In order to pay off the car loan, I worked overtime at the factory every day. I've been getting headaches from working overtime recently, especially last night. When I got home from get off work, I told my wife: Honey, I have a headache that’s about to explode. My wife immediately took two steps back and said, "Then stay away from me. What if I get injured?"
7. My boyfriend is a rich second generation. Today I went to my boyfriend's house for the first time. His father called me directly into the study room. , threw out a card and said: There are two million in this card. Take it and leave my son. The wife he will marry in the future must be of the right family! I thought for a moment and was about to speak when my boyfriend suddenly came in and immediately broke the card in half and said: I will never marry her unless I marry her in this life, and I will marry her today!
My boyfriend pulled me out while his dad was yelling angrily, and then said: I have stolen the household registration book, let's go register it immediately, so my dad can't stop us! So we quickly went to get our marriage certificate. After receiving it, I came out and said, today is like a dream, so unreal and so exciting! My husband said, yes, it was like a dream, so exciting. To tell you the truth, that is not my dad, and the villa is not mine, I rented it.
8. I just joined a new company and someone told me to be wary of the receptionist. She said that woman likes to ask male colleagues to borrow money. I looked carefully and saw that she was a good-looking girl. Sure enough, she came to me at noon and asked me to borrow money. The amount was only 5,000, but she said she wouldn't let me help in vain, and I agreed. In the evening, she invited me to dinner. I thought this was a thank you, but when it came time to pay, she said that I should pay as I am a man.
I asked her: "Didn't you say you wanted to thank me?" She asked back: "If I eat with you, doesn't it count as a thank you?" I said, "Then why do I pay?" Looking at the 5,000 bill, I She said: "In this case, I can pay, but in this case, you will lend me 10,000 yuan!" She said: "It is not enough... I have to go to the hotel to rest!" I quickly refused, it cost 5,000 yuan for a meal, and the hotel I don’t dare to go. It might cost tens of thousands. That kind of money is enough for me to marry a wife.
9. I am very smart. After graduating from Huazhong University of Science and Technology, I worked as an programmer in Shenzhen. I didn’t even have time to eat every day. I ate instant noodles for a month. Today I had gastritis and went to the hospital. The doctor prescribed a large package of medicine. The doctor told me to take a few tablets of this one and a few tablets of that one. I calculated that I had to take 20 pills at a time! The doctor rolled his eyes at me: "If you are sick, treat your illness, but if you are not sick, you will satisfy your hunger!"
10. Last night, I was forced by my girlfriend to go to her house to meet my parents. I couldn't beat her, so I had to go with her. When we arrived at my girlfriend’s house, she took my hand and introduced me to her father: Dad, this is my boyfriend, please take a look. Her father looked at me, then at his daughter, and said, if you find someone like this, your mother will be so disappointed.
The girlfriend retorted angrily: How can you say that to my boyfriend? It's too much. At this time, her father Youyou's girlfriend said: What are you so excited about? I'm talking to the young man. Later, her father said: Young man, I see that you are quite handsome and sunny, and you are a nice person. Let's do this. I will marry my little daughter to you. I...
