Many students with marital problems, when they found us, they complained about trivial matters in life, not major issues.
is like why I told you several times to tidy up your clothes at home and tidy up your shoes when you enter the door, but you don't listen. Why do I always pick up the child, but you do nothing.
In fact, it is not these trivial things that ruin the marriage, but the hurtful things you say when facing these trivial matters.
The man thinks about why his wife has become such an unreasonable person, no longer that gentle and considerate woman.
Women think why men no longer accommodate themselves, and even quarrel with themselves for a little thing, do they not love themselves?
Many husbands and wives quarreled to solve the problem. As a result, they quarreled even more with words, even to the point of cold war and divorce.
This is actually broken in a person's mouth. In your relationship, a word can warm up your feelings, and a word can destroy the feelings you have finally established.
This shows the importance of speaking skills in feelings.
Even the famous marriage coach Judith has said: "It is not the quarrel that destroys a relationship, but the hurtful words in the quarrel."
So, let's talk about those who are arguing, the easiest to let If the opponent is injured.
1. I'm used to using sentences like "I've said it a long time ago"
Many women like to say: "I've said that this is wrong a long time ago when quarreling with each other. You don't listen. Now you are at a loss? "Z9z
." In most cases, when a man makes a decision, a woman disagrees with it. So when the other person’s decision leads to bad results, some women will express their dissatisfaction with sentences similar to mockery. . Such words like
not only have no beneficial effect on the conflict between two people, but also make a man feel that you are not considerate, and deliberately expose his scars to embarrass him and intensify the conflict between husband and wife.
2. I like to use sentences like "You are always"
I don’t know when you are arguing, you will say: "You always don’t listen to other people’s advice.", "Every day I take care of children, you always I don't know how to be considerate of me." said.
In fact, such words are very hurtful. The sentence pattern of "You are always" and is to completely deny the other party's contribution, which can easily arouse the opponent's resistance and dissatisfaction, and even in order to make you really realize what you say.
That is really not worth the gain for you. It not only destroys the relationship between the husband and wife, but also makes the other party no longer want to pay for you.
Originally he would tutor his children to do homework when he got off work early. If you say this, the other party is heartbroken, so he really doesn't care about the child and left it to you. Anyway, you said the same to him.
3. Saying nothing is worse
In marriage, not saying anything is worse.
is like going to a movie with you. Your husband wants to watch a sci-fi movie, you want to watch a romantic movie, but you don’t take the initiative to express your true thoughts. If you go to a movie you don’t want to watch, conflicts arise.
The other party can't guess what you want, you can't receive the correct information without saying the other party, and even think that your consent is like, but in fact, what you think is not like this, then you have a disagreement. How to quarrel properly
Effective quarrel can express our inner desire. If in this process, we still need to be able to dig into each other's true needs and have a frank and open chat with each other, then the relationship between the two can go further.
is like your husband came back late, you ask him: "Why come back so late today?"
Even if your husband explained that it is because of temporary work, you do not believe his words, you have to say something else: "I see you I went out fooling around with others, do you still have this home in your heart?" The two people quarreled because of this incident. The content of the quarrel was entirely unilateral venting, not serious problem solving.
But if you are arguing, say something like this: "I want you to accompany me, you stillCome back so late. Don’t love me anymore? "Z9z
only knows that you want his company and care for him, not just making trouble for him. The two people of
understand each other's true needs through quarrels. Not only do they have better feelings, but also Re-accepting each other.
Actually, marriage itself is full of various disharmony. If you can only fight because of quarrel, then it will not help to promote your relationship.
But if you can discover each other based on your conflicts If there is a real need in your heart, then this quarrel is valuable, and you will not be completely caught in the atmosphere of the quarrel.
You can use the quarrel as a way to enter the deepest part of your heart and have a deep communication with your partner.
You are also quarreling with your husband, and the relationship is getting worse and worse, might as well try to "quarrel" in another way, to truly understand each other's inner needs, and to heat up each other's feelings through the conflict.
