love
love also has two meanings, one is love that emphasizes "existence" and the other is love that emphasizes "possession".
Can people possess love? If possible, love is a kind of thing, a kind of material, something that can be owned and possessed by people. The truth is: there is no such thing as "love" in the world. "Love" is just an abstract term, perhaps a goddess or an unknown essence, although no one has seen this goddess. In fact, there are only acts of love.
Love is a creative activity, including paying attention to someone (or something), knowing him, caring about him, acknowledging him, and liking him. It may be a person, a tree, a painting, or an idea. In other words, love can awaken his life and strengthen his vitality. This is the process of a person's renewal and growth. The love that
experiences in the way of repossession is the restriction, restraint and control of the object of "love". This kind of love will only strangle and suffocate people and numb them. It will only destroy rather than promote people's vitality. People call this love, but it is actually an abuse of this word in order to conceal the fact that there is no love.
is the same for marriage. Regardless of whether the marriage is built on the basis of love, or on the basis of customs like traditional marriages, it seems that there are very few couples who really love each other.
In order to achieve a certain social purpose, tradition, economic interests of both parties, common care of children, mutual dependence, or mutual fear and mutual hatred, this is the "love" that people consciously experience until one day , One or both of the couples find that they are not in love at all and have never been in love. The situation of
after marriage often undergoes fundamental changes. The marriage contract gives both parties the patent right to possess each other's body, feelings and attention. There is no need to fight for other people, because love has become a possession, a property. Z2z
The two sides slowly stopped trying to ask themselves to be as cute as before, and stopped to inspire the other's love for themselves. They began to feel bored, and people gradually lost their beauty. They are disappointed and don't know what to do. Did they all become another person? Is this wrong in the first place? Under normal circumstances, they all try to change each other, and everyone feels deceived.
They failed to see that they were no longer what they were when they fell in love. Under the guidance of the false idea of "love is something that can be possessed by others", they no longer love. They stay at this level, not to love each other, but to occupy what they have in common: money, social status, housing and children. Some marriages that started with love became a friendly community of possessors, an entity composed of two selfish people: the "family." "Love is the son of freedom" (this is how an ancient French song is sung), and the worshipers of Eros will eventually fall into a kind of passivity, they will feel bored and some of the remaining attractions will be lost. Exhausted.
This argument does not imply that marriage may not be the best way for two people who love each other. The problem does not lie in the marriage itself, but in the "possessive" character structure of the couple. After all, it lies in our society.
Nowadays, many people advocate modern forms of living together, such as group marriage, exchange of partners, and group sex. In my opinion, this is just to avoid the difficulties they encounter in love. They don’t really love someone, but they resist the boring marriage life by changing partners as much as possible and constantly seeking new stimuli [see Destructive Anatomy of Mankind (1973, Fromm), book 10 Chapter, stimuli can be divided into "simple stimuli" and "positive stimuli"].
2 Fromm: Without the ability to love, every attempt to love will fail
3 Fromm: The four elements of love
4 The end of logic is love. Love is not a noun, but a verb, an eternal verb, infinite verbs ｜XXreads
