The reader wrote to me and said:
There is a girl who rents a house downstairs of my house. Because the other party is an art school student, the other party often plays the piano at home. Because of the noise, I went downstairs to negotiate with the other party several times. During this period, I once had such a complaint in front of my husband: You said that the little girl living downstairs is quite beautiful, why is her quality so poor? My husband’s former attitude: When facing unconscious people, he should be rude to her.
A few months ago, due to work needs, I went on a business trip in other places for more than a month. During this period, I maintained the habit of chatting with my husband from time to time every day (every time I videotape with my husband, I took advantage of his time to get off work). I found that my husband stayed at home most of the time, which naturally I didn’t have any suspicion about my husband. What was angry was that just yesterday, the little girl who rented a house downstairs knocked on my door, and I was the only one at home. I instinctively asked: Are you asking me for something? The little girl didn't hide it and said to me directly: I'm pregnant with your husband's child, how do you think this matter will be handled?
Because things came too suddenly, I didn’t know what to do. I instinctively said to the little girl: Go back first, and after I understand the whole story of the matter, I will give you an answer; I will live upstairs and I can’t escape. Then, the little girl turned around and left, and threw me a sentence: I will come to your house tomorrow to get the result.
I called my husband as soon as possible, and his husband rushed home quickly. Her husband confessed to him about the fact that he made the female neighbor downstairs get pregnant. My husband's attitude: I won't divorce me and spend time with the other party until the other party has an abortion.
Although I was very angry when I encountered this kind of thing, I knew that now was not the time to complain. After finalizing that the neighbor downstairs said that the objective facts existed, I took the initiative to find the other party. Finally, after we negotiated, we reached a consensus: 1) She will not date my husband in any form in the future (in fact, after she became pregnant, my husband's evasive attitude has also disappointed her); 2) I gave her 50,000 yuan in compensation at one time, and she asked her classmates to accompany her to the hospital to deal with the child in her belly.
The neighbors downstairs have settled the matter. Where should my husband and I go?
Muzili Emotional analysis:
Regarding the relationship between married men and women and unmarried men and women, there are only a few cases where married people lie that single people provoke unmarried people. In more cases, unmarried people accept the other party even though they know that the other party has a family. Similar to relationships, the two most common results: 1) The other party and your relationship are moving in sneak. After several contacts, married people will find various reasons to withdraw from you, because married people's attitude towards such relationships is often to only seek possession, not to last; 2) After your relationship is discovered by the other party's legal lover, facing the choice of two, the other party will withdraw from you without hesitation. Even if you are pregnant with the other party's child, the other party will find a way to get you an abortion.
Since the path of becoming a mistress is difficult to follow, why are there frequent cases of unmarried people provoking married people? 1) I interfere in other people's marriages, and I have never thought about becoming a regular person. I simply feel that the other party is willing to spend money on myself and allow me to enjoy a short-term favor in this relationship; 2) I will fight for the possibility of becoming a regular person with a lucky mentality. It should be admitted that in this era, it is actually quite common for unmarried women to love uncles. During this period, they liked the maturity and stability of uncles, and their career success. Some people even grew up in a family that lacks fatherly love, and longed for uncles to give themselves love and fatherly love. The key is not to provoke uncles with family, they belong to aunts.
In life, we hear a lot of news from others every day. During this period, everyone has their own emphasis on the acceptance of the news. For example, after you make noise when you make a negotiation, what you want to express in front of your husband is: the quality of the neighbors downstairs is relatively poor. But your husband has realized another essence: the other person is a young and beautiful woman.The result is: During your time out of work, your husband provoked the other party, but the key is that the other party did not refuse. In this case, your husband must only want to mess with the other person, but he did not expect that the other person was pregnant with your husband's child. In this case, your husband wants to force the other party to have an abortion by escaping, but the other party wants to take the opportunity to extort some money.
Maybe your husband underestimates the other person too much and thinks that the other person is pregnant before marriage and will take into account the face. As long as your husband can waste time with the other person, the other person will swallow his anger. But your husband ignores the other two behaviors: the other party goes to your house every day to make trouble; the other party even runs to your husband's unit to make trouble. If the other party really goes to your husband's unit and makes trouble, your husband's job may be lost. As a human being, you should still have some face. At this critical moment, you will feel that if you can settle things with money, try to use money to settle things. To this end, you and the other party reached a consensus on a series of matters such as compensation. However, in the post-infidelity period, you will instinctively be angry, unwilling, and psychologically unbalanced by your husband's cheating. The beauty of marriage life is disturbed by your husband's extramarital affair.
When faced with your lover's cheating, whether you want to divorce, first examine the matter from the part of your lover: 1) Your lover's apology attitude; 2) Your lover's attitude towards extramarital affairs; 3) Do your lover have any ideas for divorce? When your lover apologizes sincerely, has no idea of divorce, and is willing to draw a clear line with your lover, the initiative to divorce is in your hands. At this time, when it comes to staying and leaving a marriage, you only need to make decisions that follow your inner self after weighing the pros and cons. Home has always been an unreasonable place. If your lover has to divorce after getting involved in extramarital affairs, the divorce rate will be much higher. Because it involves divorce, factors such as children, property division, and life after divorce need to be taken into account.
In the long river of life, each of us will do something wrong, but some mistakes are harmless, which makes us easily forgive the other person after we have corresponding criticism of the person who makes mistakes. Some things will leave pain in your heart, and you will be deeply hesitant in the choice of forgiveness or not. What I want to say is that divorce is also a more sacred decision. Don’t give the answer hastily, but let yourself make the final decision after thinking calmly. The key is that everyone's ability to make money and forgive their lover's cheating will be different. For this reason, whether to forgive in the post-infidelity period is different can be said to be different, and there is no standard answer. My suggestion: Try to forgive, and if you are still suffering from this incident in half a year, consider divorce.
Postscript:
When faced with some bad things, whether you choose to be patient or to be vengeful, you must follow your inner truth. Whether it is the management of your career or the management of your marriage, when you need to make a choice, you must maximize your own interests while weighing the pros and cons. Everyone’s situations when facing life are different, so some choices need to be followed.
The best state of life for a person: he does not have a strong attachment to his lover. Even if his lover is withdrawn from him one day, at least he can give up the other person at the material level. The end of a relationship will definitely bring pain to yourself, because people are emotional species. When you clearly want to withdraw from a certain relationship, you have material dependence on the other party, and this state is a bit bad.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
