People who truly enjoy life can spontaneously meet the challenges of life.
There is a kind of person in life who lives very tiredly and regards everything as a task. Working is a task, studying is a task, even eating and sleeping are a task. If you fail to complete the task, you will feel useless. Even if you complete the task, it will be like handing in a task. Others will reap the results and you will not feel any happiness at all. People who are full of spontaneity can experience happiness and satisfaction after a good sleep; people who lack spontaneity regard sleeping as a task, and not only have difficulty falling asleep but also dream all night long, without any sense of happiness or satisfaction. So, what exactly is spontaneity, and how does it impact our lives?
What is spontaneity?
Spontaneity is a natural, immediate, unconscious action that requires no planning, effort, or calculation. The main thing is that the self is the initiator of action, not external stimulation. In other words, all my actions are driven by inner strength, not by external stimulation. For example: I study hard not because of the expectations of my parents and teachers, not to surpass others, and not to achieve success in the future. But at this moment, a desire and impulse from the heart, I can get happiness in learning, this is spontaneity. For another example, if I like someone, I will work hard to pursue her. This has nothing to do with anyone. It is just a consciousness and an impulse from the heart.
Spontaneity includes two levels: one is perceptual and the other is understanding. Sensibility is a kind of acceptance and awareness. When someone puts a glass of water in front of you and you are aware of its existence, this is acceptance and sensibility. The so-called understanding is the process of thinking about things and the process that ultimately determines things. A glass of water is placed in front of you and you are aware of its presence. Under the influence of understanding, if you are thirsty, you will drink the glass of water. You drink this glass of water because you are thirsty. This is a spontaneous act on your part and has nothing to do with anyone else. Similarly, when you express your opinions and attitudes, when you deal with interpersonal relationships, can you express yourself as spontaneously as drinking water?
Lack of spontaneity
Treat everything as a task
People who lack spontaneity need to live under the "supervision" of others. They regard everything as a task. This pattern is very similar to that in childhood. Living according to the requirements of the parents, learning and growing up under the arrangements of the parents, nothing seems to have anything to do with oneself. In the process of their growth, there must be such a person to "control" them, otherwise they will not know what to do. Occasionally, they feel joy and happiness because they have completed a task perfectly and been appreciated by others. But this happiness is short-lived, because they are about to face a new task. If you always live with the mentality of doing tasks, you will become more and more tired.
Unable to react immediately
People who lack spontaneity have difficulty reacting immediately. They remained silent during the discussion and only complained after the discussion was over. When they express their attitudes or opinions, they are always afraid that they cannot express them accurately, thus missing the best opportunity to express them. For example, when discussing aspirations with parents, because they cannot respond immediately, they can only half-heartedly follow their parents' arrangements. The result is regret later and complaints about parents deciding their own aspirations privately. But it was already too late, and there was no possibility of change. It is this kind of unfinished events one after another that creates a sense of shortcoming in our hearts and makes us trapped in internal friction.
Indecisive and hesitant
People who lack spontaneity complain about others arranging their own lives privately, but on the other hand show indecision and hesitation in the face of choices.They lack spontaneous inner processes, cannot realize what they want, and do not understand what they can do. Not only do they lack spontaneity, they also lack agency. Under this hesitation, no matter what they choose, they will not feel happy. For things you didn’t choose, you will feel regret in your heart; for things you chose, you will feel unconfident in your heart. They are always in a dilemma, either giving up the choice or making a choice unwillingly. No matter which one it is, it will result in the individual not being able to put in 10 points of effort.
How to cultivate spontaneity?
Improve your understanding
Only by improving your ability to understand life can you cultivate spontaneity. Perception includes perceptual awareness and thinking comprehension. When you have a clear awareness of reality and process what you perceive in reality, you will improve your perception of life. The so-called perception is more like an analysis of the current situation. Only when you can see clearly the situation you are facing can you take some actions spontaneously. If there is a lack of analysis of the real situation, then the whole person will be in chaos and will feel very confused and confused. Let go of the past, don't worry about the future, and devote all your energy to the present moment. Feel the smile at this moment, feel the minute and second at this moment, and your spontaneity will be revealed.
Learn to express
No one is born knowing how to express, and no one can actively understand you like your parents, which means you need to learn to express yourself. To express yourself freely is to use the most accurate words to describe what you are thinking at the moment. You may not be very proficient at first, but you will have to practice more. You can practice alone and gradually develop to express it socially. When you eat, you have to express your feelings: it tastes great, or it tastes spicy. Say it with your mouth, don't hide it in your heart. When you take a walk in the park, you have to express how you feel at that moment, how pleasant it is. Also say it with your mouth, don't hide it in your heart.
In short, people who regard everything as a task will become more and more exhausted physically and mentally. Only those who live spontaneously can realize the happiness and satisfaction in it.
Author: Jiuxiaoyunke
