Whenever the Chinese New Year is celebrated, some divorced couples will have the idea of remarrying:
Thousands of homes are brightly lit, other people’s homes are full of reunions, making them seem even more alone, even feeling sorry for their children.
Is it really possible to remarry? I advise you not to be impulsive. You can read this article first. If you do these three points, you can consider remarrying. There will be no big pitfalls in the future.
If you can't do this, you need to be vigilant. Look at what aspects of this relationship should be saved, and then depend on the results.
01
Life should not go in circles
If a couple wants to remarry, the first question to consider is: Do you both understand your responsibilities?
Only when you recognize your respective responsibilities and know where your own part is, will the problems in your marriage be solved one by one, and you will not fall into the pattern of the past, and you will have hope for the future.
After all, getting married is to make life better. If not, why remarry?
It seems that a reader once sent us a private message in the background:
"Should I remarry my ex-husband?
The reason why we got divorced before was that he didn’t earn much, but he spent money lavishly. I couldn’t go out to work with my children, and I had to ask my parents for money every day. ml4
So we always quarreled, and then he cheated. In a fit of anger, I divorced him.
Now he said he was done with that woman and asked to remarry, html. 4My parents also asked me to forgive him for the sake of the child, but I couldn’t decide whether I should remarry or not. I suggest you don’t do it yet. is like going back to the past. Life is always going in circles. is meaningless.
What you need to consider is not the decision of "whether or not to remarry", but first to see how your marriage has developed step by step to where it is today.
For example, does the ex-husband realize his responsibility-supporting a small family?
I don’t make much money now. Can I start by increasing revenue and cutting expenditure? Don’t spend money so lavishly. I’m trying to make a fool of myself in front of my friends, leaving my wife and children to live in poverty, and relying on my parents’ support. This is putting the cart before the horse.
Can you think of a way to increase your income in a planned way? What is the current development prospect of the industry and where is the ceiling for development? How to enhance your work ability and gradually increase your income?
When he really does this and talks about remarriage with you, this is a reliable sign.
For example, can women adjust their communication methods:
When you use accusations to spur a man on, he will easily become resistant and even less willing to do what you say.
When you see the other person's advantages in a gentle way, and invite him to face the difficulties you face together, without criticizing or blaming, just talking about the matter rationally , on the contrary, the matter will have more room for solution.
If he still doesn't want to grow up, you can choose what kind of life you want to live in the future.
Of course, the premise of is that you have no choice - find a way to find someone to look after your children, start looking for a job yourself, exercise your abilities, and take good care of yourself and your children.
The purpose of remarriage is for a better life.When both you and the other party have the courage not to remarry, and you are not driven to remarry by the fear of reality, such remarriage is meaningful.
If you don’t have the strength in your heart and don’t believe that you can start over, or you don’t know how to talk to your ex-husband so that he can truly realize his responsibilities and start to grow up, you can send me a private message to help you.
02
Whether the wound under the bandage is still inflamed
The second point that couples need to consider when remarrying is: whether the inner pain has been healed.
For example, the lady above must have a grudge against her ex-husband's cheating, and it feels like a dull pain every time she thinks about it.
Now, because the child needs a father, her parents are nagging her, she needs someone to accompany her, and she is still thinking about her past relationship... Various factors seem to be pushing her to make the choice to remarry.
But if she really gets remarried, the hurt from the past will come back to attack her. At that time, she will inevitably feel: "When I think of you betraying me, I feel sick. It is difficult for me to trust you. I am just full of guarding."
Similarly, men will also have a lot of concerns about women: "We have had so many fights, and you look down on me from the bottom of your heart."
Such two people are hurt in each other's hearts, and they are more wary of each other than close to each other.
Even if they are together, the smallest thing will hurt their sensitive nerves.
It's like having a wound on your body. You don't want to see the cause of the wound, and you don't want to disinfect the wound. You just put a bandage on it and pretend you can't see it.
But you know in your heart that the wound is also aching, it will fester, become inflamed, and expand in the bandage, until you can no longer ignore its existence.
When the time comes, the two people will inevitably end up divorced again. Divorce this time will cause double damage to the relationship.
What should we do? We can only deal with the wound first.
There is a principle here: talk about your own feelings and downplay the behavior of blaming the other party.
Accusing the other party is creating hostility, and the two people will lose the premise of communication. Talking about one's own feelings of "hurt and sadness" can prompt the other party to reflect on what is wrong with his behavior and stop related behavior in the future.
When our injuries are exposed and the other person is really distressed and begins to reflect on himself and make compensatory actions, we can overcome this hurdle in our hearts. We will understand: "It turns out that you are not indifferent. It turns out that you will feel sad because of my sadness."
The pain will be relieved by this.
But how can we talk about these traumatic events in the past so that the other party will put down their defenses and be willing to feel sorry for us? requires preliminary preparation and detailed conversation design.
If you don’t know how to deal with it, please send me a private message to help you overcome these hurdles, blow away the haze of your relationship, and move towards a better tomorrow hand in hand.
03
Whether you still have expectations and attachments
The third factor that determines whether you want to remarry is: whether you are still attached to the other person.
Speaking of this, many people may think: "What attachment is there? If you are attached, you won't get divorced, it's just for the sake of the children."
This sentence may be arrogant, or it may be true, but when we both remarry with this mentality, both parties will inevitably feel: "I remarried for the sake of the children, and you remarried for the sake of the children. There is no relationship between us, and there is nothing to talk about. ”
At that time, everyone will be competing to see who is more ruthless and cold-blooded, and they don’t care about this relationship.
It’s like there was this before Case:
After the couple remarried, they slept in separate beds, and even had their own breakfast, lunch and dinner on weekends.
What is the meaning of such a remarriage? The children saw it and were worried and worried. Pain, entanglement... For the sake of the child? That's an empty talk.
It's better to admit frankly: "Your father and I are separated, and we will live our own lives, and we will love you. This has nothing to do with . You don't have to blame yourself or feel guilty. We will all have a good life in the future." Live ..."
So, if you want to remarry, you have to ask yourself this question:
"Put aside the expectations of your children and the financial pressure, are you still willing to remarry the other person?
How much attachment do you still have to the other person? Do you still have some expectations for your pain and happiness, and want to share them with others??
When the other person is in trouble, do you still feel a little distressed? When the other person makes a mistake, are you still willing to understand his situation and give him some tolerance and acceptance? "
If you say: "Not at all, I feel like vomiting when I think about him. "Then I advise you not to remarry.
If you are still a little attached, you can consider remarriage, but how to resolve the misunderstandings in the past, open up the feelings of two people, and deepen the attachment between two people, is what you have to do next.
If you are very entangled and don't know whether you are attached, you can first untie the knots in the past, repair the relationship, and let the relationship go from negative to zero, and then ask your heart.
The most fearful thing is that the two people have no attachment at all, and have no intention of establishing attachment. still reluctantly tied the three of them together for the sake of the child, and tied up the happiness of the whole family.
Emotional matters are like finding the way in a foggy forest. Sometimes you will inevitably stumble and find the wrong direction, such as If you don’t know what to do at this time, feel free to message me privately and let a professional consultant help you reach the other side of love better.
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