American psychotherapist Loli once said: "We talk to ourselves more times in our lives than to anyone else. But what we say is not all friendly, real and helpful, and sometimes we cannot even respect ourselves."
As a psychotherapist, Loli has seen too many patients who come to seek help because they cannot eliminate the pain.
In the initial conversation, they flickered their words and looked away, and they could not face their hearts calmly.
And she herself once turned to seek help from her colleagues because she could not accept the reality of breaking up with her boyfriend and became a person who needed treatment.
With the alternation of the dual identities of the therapist and the patient, Lori has a deeper thought about life.
So, she appealed to the pen to the various real stories that happened in the psychological clinic and compiled them into this highly acclaimed memoir - "Maybe You Should Have a Talk to Someone" .
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When you finish reading this book, you may understand:
Although life has constant problems and constant setbacks, fortunately, all difficulties have a way out, as long as you are willing to take the initiative to take the first step.
Born as human beings, we have all been injured
There is a classic dialogue in the movie " This killer is not too cold ":
"Is life always so difficult? Or is it only like this when I was a child?"
"Always like this."
"It's always like this."
Living in this world, we have all encountered unpleasant moments, and even had unsatisfactory times.
The envy object who seems to have achieved remarkable results and has no worries about life, perhaps behind it is suffering and unable to extricate himself.
Just like John, the patient who gave Loli the most headache.
John is an excellent screenwriter with great talent and wealth. But in front of Lori, he was arrogant and irritable, and never opened his heart to discuss the marital crisis he was facing.
It was not until once that he met Lori with his son to watch the game. He was moved by the scene and was willing to reveal his own scars and tell the past.
It turns out that John's real pain is that he cannot get out of the pain of losing his son. Disaster between husband and wife is just a derivative problem.
Back then, he was busy with work and rarely accompanied his family. He finally had the opportunity to take a self-driving tour, but while driving, he still couldn't help but answer a call, causing the car accident and his son to die.
Since then, both husband and wife have fallen into the whirlpool of self-blame, and their son has become a taboo at home, no one mentioned it.
Everyone has regret and regret in their lives. It may be because they have done something wrong, or maybe they have hurt someone.
Those memories that cannot be erased are no longer superficial moods, but are still buried deep in the heart and have a faint pain.
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9-year-old Rita has been atonement for the mistakes he made in the first half of his life.
In so much pain, she gave herself a last ultimatum of life: If life still does not improve before her 70th birthday, she will leave this world forever.
When Rita was young, she was a beautiful housewife. Because she had no independent source of income, she had never dared to leave her husband who was addicted to domestic violence, and even let him whip the child, doing nothing.
It’s like this. When Rita gets old, she has no children willing to live with her and has been living a closed and alone life.
British psychologist Robert Debord once said: "Life is like a river."The water surface is often calm and flows slowly, but underwater is often undercurrents and crises are everywhere. "
Born as human beings, we have all been injured.
Every happy smile has cried in the dark.
Behind every sentence "I'm fine", there is an unknown pain.
Accepting pain is the beginning of life getting better
I agree with Dr. Wendell's words: "Everyone will feel pain, but you don't have to let yourself suffer so much. Feeling pain is not your choice, but you choose to make yourself suffer. "
What really makes us suffer is not the pain itself, but our attitude towards pain.
blindly immersed in sadness, which cannot relieve the sadness of the present, nor can we reverse the past mistakes.
Only by accepting pain and facing suffering can you heal yourself and regain your life.
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Every time John comes to the treatment room, he complains about the unpleasant things he encounters now, such as his work partner is too stupid. Stupid, the wife wants to leave him.
but Loli can see that he has been wearing a mask to disguise himself, not wanting to be discovered by others in his heart.
Until John talks about his son and that accident in the treatment room for the first time, releasing a long-standing emotion, and cries hysterically. He started real psychological treatment at that time.
Because life is getting better, it often starts with accepting pain and allowing sadness.
Ma Jiahui said in the "Round Table": "Life is nothing more than suffering, I settled it down. "
allows pain to exist and happen, that is, repairing the injured heart and redeeming the self who made mistakes.
Reta, who is afraid of socializing, often sneaks at his neighbors through his cat's eyes.
Because every time the neighbor couple goes home, they will shout loudly: "Hey, relatives! "After receiving the signal of love, the children will come over to hug them.
Rita longs for and envy this warm family affection.
Until one day, the children accidentally bumped into Rita, and the father took them to the door to apologize. After discovering Rita's amazing talent in painting, she had further intersection with the neighbors - teaching the children to draw.
Once, the children found that Rita never greeted their parents and parents, so they asked Rita why, and she replied, "Because I am not your relative. "
" You are! You are our California grandma! "
Reta suddenly discovered that life is actually getting better and the desire for family affection is also near. But she is used to self-punishment and lives in the painful past.
After she realized it, she accepted the failure of the past, welcomed the current new life, and formed a special and warm "family family".
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Psychological counselor Li Songwei said: "What saves us is not any reason or skill, only the courage to face it directly. ”
We are all the only ferrymen in our lives.
Only by facing all suffering honestly and moving forward bravely can we completely solve it in the end.
Willing to heal itself is the final way out for growth
At the end of the story, Lori finally understood: "Psychological therapists can only help the therapists understand themselves, and then actively change, rather than being a lobbyist, and forcing change.”
The help of external forces is always limited. Only by working hard to heal yourself is the ultimate way out for growth.
And these people who can actively seek psychological help actually have the hope of healing and the courage to change. As long as you break through the last barrier of your psychology, you can usher in the dawn.
John After releasing the pain of losing his son in the treatment room, he finally calmed down, communicated with his wife seriously, and slowly regained their love from each other, and the family atmosphere gradually improved.
His current, he would chat with Loli like a good friend, actively share her recent situation, show her family's photos, and write the role of a psychotherapist into the script, which received a strong response.
His? She happily celebrated her meaningful 70th birthday— ——It’s not that the body can continue to survive, but the mind is still reborn.
Nowadays, she eats with her relatives and families every week, and is also happy for the achievements she has achieved.
She also opened a personal website, received custom painting orders, and designed and arranged a set of art courses. After it was launched, she was deeply loved by the public.
Except In addition, Ruita also carefully wrote self-repentance emails, sent to every child, confessing his faults.
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The book "Mr. Toad Goes to See a Psychologist" says: "Everyone has the ability to become better, but the person who can help you is yourself, and only you are yourself. ”
No matter what kind of pain you have experienced, you must understand: you are your best psychologist
Carrying to face problems and actively heal your heart, so that you can meet a better self.
"Island Bookstore " says well: "Everyone's life has the most difficult year, which makes life beautiful and vast. ”
Maybe you are in a bottleneck period in the workplace, or there is an emotional crisis, don’t worry too much, because that is just a hurdle that cannot be overcome for the time being.
As long as you are willing to heal yourself, we will eventually get out of the predicament of life and usher in a new and good situation.
