The reader wrote to me and said:
I met my ex-wife in a nightclub, but I didn't expect that the places we met were unclean and our relationship was not clean. When I met my ex-wife, I was doing a small business in a foreign country, and my ex-wife worked in a nightclub. When we first met, she said too much to me. I asked her: If I accept you, would you be willing to leave this current place of right and wrong? My ex-wife nodded and agreed without thinking. In fact, after I started a romantic relationship with my ex-wife, I took her to the provincial capital city, which is 4 hours away from our house, and started a brand new life: I don’t want too many people to know about the past of my ex-wife.
Ex-wife is also a pitiful person: she lost her mother at the age of 5. When she was 8, her father remarried, and after that, she lived a life of being bullied by her stepmother. Regarding the past of my ex-wife, I don’t want any punishment. I just hope that we can manage our future lives well.
Unfortunately, when our eldest child was less than 4 months old, I found that my ex-wife was involved with my neighbor at that time. Because of this incident, I beat my ex-wife and her neighbor at that time, and then we moved, and this incident turned over. When our second child was one year old, I discovered that my ex-wife cheated on netizens again. This time, I said I would divorce my ex-wife for everything. What’s funny is that when we divorced, I worked very hard to get the custody of my two children. However, after 4 years of divorce from my ex-wife, I feel that both children don’t look like me. In this case, I took my two children to do paternity test . The bad result is: neither of my children belongs to me. In this case, I really want to find my ex-wife, and I have the intention to kill someone. But I don't know the ex-wife's whereabouts. In this case, I fell into deep thought: 1) Sometimes I feel that my child is innocent and I should not be neglected by it; 2) Sometimes I feel that I work hard but I don’t know whose child I am raising is my ex-wife and, which leads me to get angry with the child.
I feel that I am a little nervous now and want to ask: What should I do when facing such a situation?
Muzili Emotional analysis:
When we encounter something that makes us angry in life, people around us will advise us to calm down and encourage us to be generous. In fact, when something happens to others, we can still be open-minded. The key is that when some things happen to you, you will find that they are difficult to overcome. Logically speaking, you found that your ex-wife cheated on you very strangely: they were discovered not long after the child was born. At this time, have you never suspected that your ex-wife had betrayed the marriage before she became pregnant? Maybe you are in the thick emotional line and have not considered it so carefully that you have never doubted the life experience of two children. You just couldn't stand your ex-wife cuckolding you for the second time, so you chose to divorce.
When you divorced your ex-wife, the reason why you tried your best to get custody of your child is because you always feel that two children are your flesh and blood. As the father of your child, you should fulfill your responsibilities and obligations. Unfortunately, as your child grows up, you feel that your child does not look similar to you. In this case, combined with your ex-wife's indecisive private life after marriage, you will naturally doubt your child's life experience. In the end, you took your child to do a paternity test and discovered a more cruel reality: both children have no blood relationship with you. In this case, only your own feelings are the most true. This means that if you continue to keep your child by your side, your child's existence will inevitably cause trouble.
In this case, it is best to place two children: find two better families for the two children, so that the children can grow up healthily in families that need them more. Because when you cannot face some things calmly, you need to avoid the embarrassment of being touched and sentimental. Things that cannot be ignored: You have lived with your two children for many years, and you do have feelings for your children. The key is that you cannot always maintain a calm attitude in front of your children.Even if you are a little confused about giving away your child, you also need to understand that even if you show bad temper in front of your child from time to time, it will cause great harm to your child's growth. There is no need to make yourself a "great" person. Sending your child to others will be the most rational decision.
Let me talk about another cruel reality: you are still young now, and you will definitely consider reorganizing your family. Before you understand the true background of the two children, you will feel that the two children are your own flesh and blood. When choosing a reorganized family partner, your mentality is like this. I hope to find a kind woman who can treat your two children well. With this as a premise, it will definitely be difficult when you find a marriage partner. After you understand the life experience of your two children and when you choose a reorganized family partner, you will have this idea. The two children will become an obstacle to your reorganization of your family. At this time, you feel that two children who are not related to you and who can feel shame at any time will become a burden on your journey to remarriage.
here reminds everyone: Marriage and having children are relatively sacred things. Never let the children carry an embarrassing identity after birth because of their indecisive private life. In this case, the children will suffer too much exclusion during the growth process. During this period, the children will not be grateful for you to bring the children to the world. Instead, they will have hatred for you that will be difficult to eliminate in this life because of the embarrassing identity you give to the children. The key is that when the children's growth environment is more embarrassing, it will also lead to the deformity of the child's personality, so that the children will bear the shadow brought to them by their life experience for the rest of their lives. I would like to ask: As parents of children, Is it fair to children to suffer humiliation that should not belong to them because of their emotional chaos?
needs to be admitted that some people have indeed suffered a lot of harm during their growth, and the harm they get from their parents is irreversible. Since they have suffered ridicule during their growth, why don’t they try to be a kind person after they become adults? If you are unhappy in your growth process, you will punish and harm those around you who care about you. What is the difference between yourself and the executioner? Remind everyone: If you have ever encountered sarcasm during your growth, you should show enthusiasm in life, because the sarcasm feels too painful for you. At least don’t let some innocent people around you suffer hurt like you. So, you must be kind and never let yourself be the one who commits evil.
Postscript:
I believe that everyone desires to be treated well by people around you when facing life, but we should not forget that the relationship between people is mutual, whether between relatives and friends, neighbors, or between husband and wife, you need to exchange with care. If you cannot show your sincerity, don’t complain about others’ calculations about you. Sometimes, when you are indifferent to life, it may not be because the people around you want to go against you, but because your actions are only worthy of others' ignoring you.
Sometimes, don’t blame the people around you for being unkind to you, but what you do makes others particularly disgusted. In this case, it is already considered the greatest kindness that others can’t criticize you. A person’s life not only requires hard work, but also needs to play his social role well. If you insist on doing whatever you want in life and ignore the feelings of the people around you, why not be despised by the people around you?
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
