How should I solve the problem of being abused by domestic violence?
We often hear such words, " domestic violence only once and countless times", so if you encounter domestic violence, you must resist, otherwise it will become more and more dangerous in the long-term domestic violence, and eventually you will lose your life. Even if you do not lose your life, you will become sensitive and fragile from your body to your spirit.
The incidence of domestic violence is very high. According to incomplete statistics, the incidence rate is higher than 30%. This rate can be said to be very high. In other words, 3 and a half of the ten families in daily life suffer from domestic violence.
As victims, children, women, and the elderly are all vulnerable groups, and even many cowardly men have become victims of domestic violence now.
Domestic violence can be divorced. In fact, as long as you do injury assessment as soon as possible, you can get divorced.
The law even stipulates that if a perpetrator of domestic violence uses violent means to interfere with the freedom of family members' marriage and divorce, it also violates the law and constitutes the crime of violent interference in the freedom of marriage.
How to solve the problem when encountering domestic violence? By "violently fighting violence", I finally made my husband no longer dare to fight with me.
About the entanglement between my husband and I
Tell me my story, in fact, I am also a victim of domestic violence. At the worst, I chose to call the police. The police could not detain or other methods, so I could only use verbal warnings. Later, I finally rose up to resist. On the contrary, as the weaker party, I finally subdued my husband, and he never attacked me again.
Of course, in fact, the situation that can be handled well in this way is a minority. On the one hand, my resistance made him realize that if he can't take advantage, if he continues, our marriage and family will be broken, which is extremely unfavorable for him; on the other hand, my "violence to fight violence" behavior completely scared him, letting him know the pain and the healing of the wound, so he no longer dared to fight with me.
My husband and I are both second marriages and only choose to get married after falling in love. However, the stage where I was with him was actually in the trough of his life. His career failures, deceptions from friends, etc. caused him to feel huge pressure.
This pressure eventually turned into domestic violence against me. When domestic violence occurred for the first time, I thought he was just drunk and lost his severity, so I chose to forgive him easily. Because I was pregnant at the time, I didn't dare to argue with him, for fear of hurting the child in my stomach.
But since then, my husband started to be chaotic once he drank. Every time it was an angry domestic violence, usually holding my hair, dragging me to the ground, or pulling me to the ground with one foot.
At that time, I didn't realize it was domestic violence, and I thought it was him going crazy after drinking, so I warned him: I stay away from me and my children after drinking, otherwise you will go home and I will go out to stay in a hotel; or if you stay in a hotel, don't go home.
After, because he was drinking, I really took my child to stay in a hotel.
Things did not improve because of this. Even when he was awake, he would take action if we quarrel. In the most serious time, he put me to the ground with one kick, then pulled my hair and knocked hard on the TV low cabinet, which directly caused my glasses to break and then embedded in the center of my eyebrows.
At that time, my face was covered in blood and my nose was bleeding from the impact. My appearance frightened him. I quickly took me to the hospital and stitched more than a dozen stitches. I was also scared. It was only a little bit away, and it was embedded in my eyes at a distance of a few millimeters, and the consequences were unimaginable.
I was also shocked by his appearance at that time. He didn't know that his behavior would lead to such serious consequences. When he was in the hospital, he was completely confused and at a loss. He kept apologizing and saying that he did not do it on purpose.
After I came out of the hospital, I collapsed and cried and said that I wanted to divorce him. I hated him and I was disfigured.
When I thought of my first reaction at that time, it was because I was disfigured. Now I think I am worried about disfigured. It can be seen that life is probably a bigger blow to a woman than disfigured.
I was holding a wounded face for two years. Every time someone asked me about it, I would say calmly: "I accidentally fell and my glasses were embedded in my eyebrows."
I didn't even dare to say anything even if my parents asked, for fear that my parents would be worried, and that I would still not be able to live my life well after marriage, so that people around me would laugh at me.
It is my worry and still having love for my husband. I have been making excuses for him in my heart. Since then, I warned him: If he attacks me again, I will leave without hesitation.
I did it to attack me again, and I also did it to take my child away from home quietly.
When he learned about it, I had turned off my phone, blocked him, and took the child to stay at my parents' house for half a month. He called, and my parents also questioned him: Good daughter, how could you just call me? Since she wants to divorce firmly, let’s divorce!
Later he chased after him, and his parents advised: If you can live well, you can live well, but you should stop doing anything in the future. He lived in the house I rented in my hometown, and we spent a year.
At the time, he drank and started again, and I called the police without hesitation.
We went to the Civil Affairs Bureau and completed the divorce registration procedures. After that, he suddenly got better. He did housework and took care of the children. I didn't care about anything anymore, and I looked like I was desperate.
He was afraid that I would really get divorced, so he took the children home and left me alone in my hometown.
We continued the cold war for almost five months. After he repeatedly promised, I returned home after careful thinking.
After almost half a year, he took action again. But maybe I have experienced so much and I really lost my feelings for him before, so when he started to fight again, I fought back without hesitation.
I took a kitchen knife from the kitchen and chopped it down at him without hesitation. But when I raised the knife again, I had actually turned the knife around, and my back was facing him. His parents rushed over and grabbed the knife from my hand.
I was still resolute and scratched his face. My ears were also tugged, and I even scratched his mother, who was struggling, and even kicked him several times, specifically putting them in a fragile place.
After hitting him, I went out without hesitation and stayed in the hotel for a week. Later he said, "You have beaten me this time." And when I saw that his face had not healed for a week and he still had a face to apologize to me, I laughed.
I think at least I beat him in this domestic violence. All the anger and resentment of the past were enough.
Since I started to "fight violence with violence", he has never taken action again. Every time he talks about it, although he says on the surface, "Oh! I shouldn't have hit you, I was really wrong before."
Even after arguing later, he jumped up angrily, but he didn't dare to take action. I said, "You try to hit me again to see if I will fight you hard?"
"Using violence with violence" is probably my best counterattack against my husband's domestic violence, because since that time I fought back and beat him desperately, he never dared to attack me again, and even became much more at ease when I got drunk.
Although violence is not the best way to fight violence, effective force is to protect
Although "violence is to fight violence" is a last resort, in the initial stage of domestic violence and the husband still has a conscience, this is actually a way to solve domestic violence well. The necessary force is a strong guarantee to prevent greater losses.
When you are no longer weak, when you stop crying and fighting back with force, the other party will know that he will be hurt in this game. In layman's terms, it is: "If you don't hit the other party, the other party will not know that it hurts." When the other party knows that the pain, and you do have feelings for each other, then domestic violence will not exist.
The reason why my husband can improve it is that first of all, he is also informing the elements and knows that beating women is wrong, but when he is angry, because of my cowardice, he is even more unable to restrain his behavior and become a perpetrator. Second, we do love each other, and he will be at a loss because I am injured and will be scared. Third, when I fought back, he knew it would hurt, so he naturally had a certain psychological shadow, and he also knew that my attitude changed, so he naturally didn't dare to take action again.
The reason why I make my story public is to tell the majority of women that When you first take action, you must not just think that the other party is an occasional behavior like me, but should fight back immediately and fight back hard, and even use legal means to protect yourself.
After all, domestic violence only has one and countless times. If it is handled improperly on the first time, it will become a regular behavior and will be difficult to deal with it in the future. If we cannot fight back, we must also do an injury assessment as soon as possible to leave evidence for future treatment. Whether we want to continue or separate, we can protect ourselves.
Although domestic violence has been legislated, family problems cannot be solved by legal means, because of the ties between the family, the ties between children, the ties between property and other comprehensive factors. Sometimes when the couple wants to divorce, it means that one party may lose everything, especially the woman.
The reason why I am unwilling to choose to go to the last step is as mentioned in the previous article that it is even more difficult for us to marry. I don’t want to be a person who chooses to escape once a marriage problem is encountered, and I still want to actively improve the problem. Even if the price is that I have changed from a gentle woman to a woman who is extremely fierce when quarreling and ruthless when taking action.
Women are not cruel, their status is unstable
There is an old saying: Women are not cruel, men are out of the blue. Women are not cruel and have unstable status.
I hope that once you enter marriage, you will not be brainwashed by words like "gentle and obedient". No matter how much you love someone, you should have your own bottom line. A woman's tolerance will only make men unscrupulous.
Only ruthless enough can you control a man. Whether it is money or other aspects, only if you are ruthless enough can you make up your mind and make men dare not do anything randomly.
I am saying ruthlessly, which means that you want to establish the majesty of being a wife, so that when a man thinks of his wife at home, he will realize: if he does this, his wife at home may kill him, reducing the chance of making a man make mistakes.
Matrix maintenance is a science, and women must learn rationally how to be a winner in marriage.
Repent, it was too late for me to understand these principles, otherwise I would not have encountered so many things, but a person's growth will definitely require some hardships. Fortunately, later, I finally understood these principles and was able to dominate my life and place my soul.
