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Some people say that "ten fingers have different lengths." It is normal for parents to treat their children unfairly.
It is undeniable that it is difficult to be absolutely fair, but if you treat your children with your own selfishness, that is not the attitude that a parent should have.
Some parents don’t take it seriously. They think that they have given their children life and worked hard to raise them. Their attitude towards them is excusable. As children, they can only accept and understand.
As for the reasons for not being loved, many parents will find a reasonable reason for their behavior, such as because you are a daughter, or because you are an older brother, or even because you are not good.
This statement seems reasonable and is conducive to the stability of the family, because the "hierarchy concept" has been instilled in children since childhood, so that unloved children think that it is reasonable for them to not be loved.
But everyone has their own feelings and emotional needs. When the injustice suffered becomes more and more obvious, the desire for fairness will become stronger and stronger. At this time, parents’ Every partiality will intensify the conflicts between parents and children, and between brothers and sisters.
When many parents were young, they only saw their own contribution, so they took it for granted that they had the right to be partial to their children, and justified their partial behavior with confidence.
But as people get older, the dependence on their children becomes a burden to their children. When they have to rely on their children in turn, they will find that the partiality towards their children has not developed as they expected, whether it is the relationship between their children's brothers and sisters. Emotions, or the relationship between parents and children, all end up in a mess.
Only when I look back do I realize that being partial to children will leave three kinds of regrets:
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First, it leads to disharmony between brothers and sisters among children.
Discord between brothers and sisters. Many parents will defend one parent and blame the other parent based on their own emotional tendencies. .
Parents often think that what they do is right because they are parents and have absolute authority. However, in fact, what children need is not the subjective judgment of their parents. What they need is judgment based on objective facts.
Therefore, such behavior by parents will not only fail to resolve conflicts between children, but will intensify them.
Some people say that the most important thing for a family is a prosperous population, so many people think that the more children, the better.
In fact, if a family with many children wants to prosper, the most important thing is to be fair.
Although it is difficult to guarantee absolute fairness, you must have such a heart and not be biased as a matter of course, otherwise it will only lead to discord between brothers and sisters among children.
If there is discord between brothers and sisters, they will become separated and each has his own plans. Instead of focusing on protecting the interests of the family, they will think about how to protect their own interests.
At this time, if you start a family, you will not end up having a family. In the end, it is the parents who suffer.
When people get old, what they need most is the warmth of their family. The home that they have run and devoted their whole life to has become an empty shell with no warmth at all because of their partial treatment of their children.
When it comes to having children, the biggest failure is to make your children become enemies.
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Secondly, there is a estrangement between children and their parents.
Some parents are partial to their children, more because they consider their own old age. They believe that people can only rely on their sons when they are old, and their daughters will be outsiders when they get married, and they cannot count on them. So subconsciously, I think it is more cost-effective and worthwhile to be nice to my son, while I ask for all kinds of things from my daughter.
But treating children differently is actually cutting off one's own "escape".
Because whether children are filial to their parents and whether they can be relied upon by their parents does not depend on whether they are sons or daughters, but whether they take their parents into consideration, and this is closely related to how parents treat their children.
Although there is a legally responsible relationship between parents and children, if there is no affection, the family affection maintained based on such a relationship will be cold.
The neighbor’s grandmother had a very bad life. She originally expected her son to provide for her in her old age. She had left all the good things to her son since she was a child, but she always made various demands and demands on her daughter. She believed that this was the duty and responsibility of a daughter. Unexpectedly, when she got old, she was kicked out by her son and wanted to go to her daughter, but her daughter behaved very coldly.
She confidently said that her daughter had the obligation to support her. In the end, her daughter was willing to take care of her, but she was never willing to say a word to her, never had a good look towards her, and often ignored her, which made her sad.
No one can guarantee whether his son or daughter can provide for him or her in old age. After all, everyone has difficulties, but you can be sure that as long as you truly love your children and treat them fairly, your life in your later years will probably not be bad.
Although children have the responsibility to support their parents, they also have their own emotional demands.
People who are not loved by their parents will not only get their parents' preference, but also the confidence to face life.
The life path of people who are not loved by their parents is often more tortuous. They take more detours than others, suffer more hardships, and even suffer many unnecessary injuries. These will form an indelible gap between each other, and Duties and responsibilities cannot be easily erased.
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Third, it has a negative impact on the lives of their children
The more parents favor their children, the less pattern they have.
How big the pattern of parents is, how likely the future of their children will be.
When parents favor their children, they are actually imposing their own perceptions and values ​​on their children. Therefore, in such a family, the children who are favored are often selfish and have no sense of gratitude. Children like
will always have to face various setbacks in society independently when they grow up. At this time, they will no longer have the partial protection of their parents, and will have a harder time, and will be more likely to go astray, making it difficult to achieve success.
Children who are not loved by their parents tend to be strong on the outside but lack love and long for love on the inside. They are easily taken advantage of by others emotionally and suffer a disadvantage.
Although children should be responsible for their own lives when they grow up, it seems that the quality of life after adulthood has nothing to do with their parents, but the attitude of parents towards their children has a profound impact on them, even for a lifetime.
Children who grow up under the favor of their parents often lack empathy , empathy and are self-centered when they become adults.
Children who are not loved often need a long period of time, or even a lifetime, to heal themselves.
The original intention of becoming a parent is to hope that their children will become independent and useful people when they grow up. Only such children can be relied upon by their parents for thousands of years.
Therefore, don’t wait until you are old to realize that treating your children favorably will have a negative impact on their lives.
If the children cannot live well themselves, how can they find the time and energy to take care of their elderly parents?
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Some people say: "There are no bad parents in the world." Even if parents do something wrong, it is for the benefit of their children, and it is also a gift to their children. Children should tolerate and forgive unconditionally.
However, any relationship requires mutual respect. Treating children favorably is a sign of disrespect for children. It is more like treating children as accessories to oneself, and one can only let oneself decide the fate and grant power.
This is not love, but selfishness. Such love will only bring harm to the other party, and naturally it is difficult to be grateful.
When a person gets old, it is the greatest happiness to still see his children united, friendly and living in harmony.
Therefore, you should try to be as fair as possible to your children. This is also a blessing for yourself in your later years.
