Text\Jiang Zuo Mei Niang 01. Introduction We often hear about men cheating, and women either cry out about their misfortune, or bravely tear up the third party, but we rarely hear men complain about their wives cuckolding themselves, and even worse. A man would fight another man

text\Jiangzuo Meiniang

01.Import

We often hear about men betraying, and women either cry out about their misery, or bravely tear up the third party, but we rarely hear men complain about their wives cuckolding themselves, and even more It is unheard of for a man to fight another man for his wife.

But in fact, things are different now. Women's economic independence has made their emotional needs increase day by day. Now there are also many highly educated women in society who appear because of unhappy marriages or unsatisfied emotions. An act of betrayal.

As this kind of betrayal increases, men actually need to adjust their mentality, change their backward concepts, and think about how to deal with this situation.

We don’t need to judge right and wrong with morality, but from the perspective of human nature. We should realize that women’s betrayal often means the awakening of women’s consciousness.

They are no longer proud of living a miserable and selfless life. They are not satisfied with being a passive and sacrificial role in family life. They have the ability and ability, and naturally they also want to live a passionate and lustful life. A full life.

Is this wrong? There is nothing wrong with desire, but the method is wrong; should this lead to divorce? Divorce is not the solution to all emotional problems. Unless you stop looking for someone after divorce, you will still make the same mistakes again.

Therefore, regardless of men and women, we should not nail each other to the pillar of shame when it comes to betrayal by our partners. Instead, we should look at it from a more rational and respectful perspective. In this way, maybe the bad thing of betrayal can be solved. Could turn out to be a good thing. We can be alerted, reflect, and make some new discoveries, such as conflicts or hidden crises that may have been overlooked by us in marriage.

In this way, if we change and repair, will it be possible for us to live a better married life in the future?

advanced cases.

02. Case (authorized)

Hello Mei Niang, I am a teacher, a middle-level member of my husband’s system. I met him in 2009. When we first fell in love, he was still very good to me. Later we fell in love. Two years later, maybe the passion has faded, maybe it’s because he’s busy with work and has become a little cold towards me, and I’m a woman who has a lot of demands on relationships.

It was at this time that I met a fellow villager. Under the attack of this fellow villager, I fell.

Once, this fellow came to my home (this home was where my husband and I lived together at the time, but he had been on a business trip). In fact, nothing really happened to us that time, but I may have felt guilty, so I locked the door. Who knew that my husband would come back that day? As you can imagine, my husband began to doubt me.

But then we got married. I thought my husband had completely let go of that matter, otherwise he wouldn't have married me, but who knows, he might have been very concerned about that matter.

After we got married, he cheated on me many times, and I found out every time. I felt really distressed, and then we started to quarrel, but because I had always loved him in my heart and felt that I owed him, I forgave him.

However, I found that he seemed to have never been interested in me. In the more than ten years we have been together, he started to show initiative and enthusiasm in one or two years.

I was very proactive in getting pregnant with the child I was pregnant with in 2015. I hoped he would take the initiative, but he didn’t. Countless times I took the initiative, but he mostly rejected it because he didn’t have enough rest.

I have talked with him before, and he admitted that it was something wrong with him. He and I also went to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist thought that he might still be concerned about my previous incident, and he also admitted it.

Mei Niang, I want to ask, is it necessary to continue a marriage like mine? I am only 37 years old, have a decent job, good finances, and am not dependent on him for my life, but I don’t want to live in this kind of widowed marriage.

03. Mei Niang said

Dear, thank you for your trust. After reading your letter, I want to ask you, please tell me the truth. Why do you forgive your husband out of guilt after you quarreled with him because of his betrayal?

Didn’t you have nothing happen to that fellow countryman? So what's there to feel guilty about? Just because you locked the door, feeling guilty about a sinful thought you had? Or is it because you had some unusual emotional exchanges with this fellow countryman?

Whether it is the former or the latter, it shows that you have a high sense of morality, so you generally should not be confused by other men!

So, with all due respect, I think you may not have told me the truth. You should have a substantial relationship with that fellow.

Let’s first identify the reality, and then we’ll talk about solutions. If we keep the facts secret, then it’s not an attitude to solve the problem.

In your letter, you said that your husband also knows his mistake and wants to live a good life with you, but he cannot let go of his feelings, and what about you? You have always been at a disadvantage in your relationship with him. You feel that you are extremely humble, but he does not seem to be satisfied. He may feel that he has not even divorced you, but you always force him to do things that he cannot do. , so you will never get better.

In the face of emotional betrayal, if you really want to get better again, you need to completely change two concepts.

First, for you, please stop feeling guilty.

Why are you feeling guilty? Because you have done something sorry for your husband, but don’t forget, that was before you got married. Of course, it is inappropriate for you to do this, because after all, you and your husband have already lived together and have a stable emotional relationship. If you do this, it is indeed an emotional betrayal. Ordinary men will definitely break up with you after finding out.

But compared with your husband’s betrayal after marriage, your crime is much lighter. Therefore, feeling guilty means that you have a conscience. If you feel too guilty, it is unnecessary. Besides, your husband finally married you, which means that he has accepted your mistakes. Since he has accepted it, he fully accepts it and should not be picky anymore. To give an inappropriate example, we go to the market to buy vegetables. I know that the food may not be too fresh and may have some bugs, but it is cheap, so I buy it. After I buy it, I can no longer buy it because it is not fresh and has some bugs. Bug eyes, go to the merchant to return it.

So after you get married, if he always dislikes you because of this matter, you don’t have to shrink back. If you betrayed him before marriage and he betrayed you after marriage, you only have one time and he has many times. In the end, it’s still you. Damn it, you've already lost money, why does he still have the nerve to despise you? There is no need for you to always feel guilty towards him and then humble yourself into the dust.

I think of a case I have come across, a new couple, both of whom were originally married. Later, they had feelings outside the marriage and fell in love with each other. After they both divorced, they got together again. At that time, many people I don't think highly of them, after all, both of them have moral flaws, but unexpectedly, the two of them live a good life. The reason is very simple, because they are both flawed people, who has any right to dislike the other! In this way, a kind of balance is achieved, which checks and balances each other.

Thinking about it this way, I think you should understand where you should go. It is too humble and is not conducive to the stability and balance of marriage.

Secondly, for your husband, please really forgive your wife

If he really has been brooding over this incident for many years, then let’s understand him from his perspective.

A man's biggest insecurity in marriage is that his "male dignity" has been offended and he has been cuckolded. This is considered to be the greatest derogation of male dignity in society.

A man’s dignity can indeed be obtained through his career and his ability to make money, but at the same time, it is also reflected in his woman’s chastity. A man who makes waves outside can never have an affair with another man if his wife has an affair with him. If he tolerates it, it often means that he has to accept that he is a "coward" and a useless man.

Most men cannot accept themselves like this, so naturally they cannot forgive their wives. But if a marriage wants to get better, he must break through this narrow view and enlarge his pattern, so that he can truly Toward enlightenment and happiness.

You can admit to your husband that your betrayal was limited to before marriage. At that time, you had a emotional window and took the wrong path, but you still feel very guilty. After getting married, you have been warning yourself. You have never betrayed him because of the emotional vacancy. In these years, you are actually more lonely emotionally, but you always think that your husband still loves you after marrying you, so you must never be sorry for him.

Then, you can let your husband express to you the sadness behind his anger, the uneasiness behind the sadness, and the helplessness behind the uneasiness. Then, you give him a big hug and tell him that in fact, he is also wandering outside. After a long time, although you are at a loss, for the sake of this hard-earned family, I hope you can forgive each other. Of course, if you really can't get rid of the knot, then you also wish him happiness.

Only when he can truly accept himself can he finally forgive you.

Once a relationship encounters betrayal, we all need to completely change two concepts. Only when each other changes can the relationship get better.

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