Someone asked on Zhihu: "How much influence does parental preference have on people?" Here is an answer that touches people's hearts: "I have never wanted a second child since I got married." Some people think that not wanting a second child is because of insufficient financial s

Someone asked on Zhihu: "How much influence does parental preference have on people?"

There is an answer below that is very touching: "I have never wanted a second child after I got married."

Some people think that not having a second child is because of insufficient financial strength. , in fact, the reason why a large part of people in life do not want a second child is related to their own experiences.

This is the case with Liu Qi. He is the eldest son in the family, and his parents' favoritism made him very hurt. Reading his experience may give you some warning.

01. The family has two apartments, and both parents gave the younger son

. Liu Qi has a younger brother who is 6 years younger than him.

Since he was a child, his younger brother has been his parents' treasure. Liu Qi would always give up delicious food to his younger brother first, and his parents asked him to be humble.

Fortunately, Liu Qi had good grades in school and was admitted to university through hard work. His parents felt that there was a lot of pressure and once suggested that he go out to work. Liu Qi refused and he applied for a student loan to complete his studies.

After graduating from college, Liu Qi stayed in the provincial capital to work. His girlfriend shared the same goals with him and did not dislike him for coming from a rural area. She was willing to rent a house and get married.

In order to make the family live a better life, Liu Qi often took the initiative to work overtime. He felt that it didn’t matter if he was tired, as long as he could save money to buy a house. With the efforts of the two of them, they bought a small two-bedroom apartment, which was regarded as a property in the provincial capital. A place to stay.

In contrast, my younger brother has lived an easy life. He dropped out of high school before finishing high school and has never had a stable job. When he got married, his parents used their savings to buy a house. After marriage, the young couple has been growing old by their parents' side, even their children. Also given to parents.

Liu Qi never cared about it. He felt that his parents were of average ability and that he did not need to rely on them. He could solve problems on his own by working hard. He did not know that his independence did not require care in the eyes of his parents.

One day, his parents called him home and told him something. said that the two houses in the family were given to his younger brother. The reason was very simple. His younger brother did not have a stable income, but he and his wife both had the ability to make money.

Liu Qi felt uncomfortable about this, but he also expressed understanding. He just put forward an idea. Since he gave the two houses to his younger brother, his parents would rely on his younger brother to support them in their old age, and he could just go home and take a look when he had time.

Unexpectedly, his younger brother objected, so he blurted out: " Didn't your parents raise you up? You are more capable than me, and it is your responsibility to support your parents."

His parents also accused Liu Qi, saying that he had no conscience, so that he could study. They have already paid a lot, and adoptive parents should put in more effort. If they are not able to make money, then what is the use of studying?

Liu Qi was very sad. In the hearts of his parents, the two sons had different statuses. They could give unconditionally to their younger brother, but they couldn't even put themselves in their shoes.

Perhaps seeing that he was unhappy, his wife said something very harsh: "Since we have given all the family property to my brother, we will get nothing and have to be complained about, so we will save the red envelopes and gifts. There will be no need in the future." Contact. "

Parents never know how much harm their own preference for their children will cause.

02. How much influence does preference have on people?

Do you still remember the old lady who wrote the "little composition"?

The old lady has three children. She dotes on her younger son and daughter, but is very harsh on her eldest son.

After the eldest son graduated from school, he started to earn money and start a family. The old lady not only refused to help, but also asked her eldest son to take 1,000 yuan from home every month for living expenses. She was not willing to spend this money herself, so she spent it on her younger son.

The eldest daughter-in-law thought that her mother-in-law was partial, so she suggested that the husband and wife should separate their incomes. She would not interfere with her husband taking money from home, but she should not ask for money from herself. After learning about the situation, her mother-in-law made a fuss, thinking that her daughter-in-law was unfilial, and asked her to apologize to her. .

My daughter-in-law is a teacher. In order to achieve her goal, my mother-in-law posted a "small composition" in the community to tell her story, and even went to the classroom where her daughter-in-law was attending class. This made the daughter-in-law unbearable, and her son took the initiative to file for divorce, just to protect his wife's safety.

Seeing that her son was single again, her mother did not feel a trace of guilt and still asked her son to give her his salary card. She said that to raise a son for old age, a son should be unconditionally filial to his mother.

However, this request only applies to the eldest son, but not to the younger son and daughter. Under the mediation of the neighborhood committee, the eldest son promised to give his mother 500 living expenses every month, but he was unwilling to go home to see his mother every week.

On the surface, the mother won. She allowed her eldest son to live the way she wanted. In fact, she lost completely because the eldest son was full of resentment towards her.

We cannot ask parents to be perfect, but if parents are too obviously partial, it will easily cause imbalance in the children's hearts.

Because people have a tendency to compare, especially between brothers and sisters, the attitude of parents is easily captured by their children. Some children who have a nicer mouth or are better-looking will become the favorite of their parents.

Children who are not paid attention to by their parents will suppress their inner pain in a family environment that cannot be balanced for a long time. On the surface, they may seem sensible, but their hearts are already scarred. Once they have the ability to live independently, they will leave the family. Keep yourself away from sadness.

03. We do not suffer from poverty but from unevenness. Let us stay away from partiality.

Parents’ love for their children is far-reaching.

Far-sighted parents will not show any obvious preference for their children, but try to keep a bowl of water even.

You must know that preference is a double-edged sword. It will cause different harm to each child. In the long run, the child who is favored will be more harmed.

Just like Liu Qi's younger brother, he has been growing up in the care of his parents, which has also created his habit of being lazy and lazy. When he has a child, he also passes the responsibility of raising the child to his parents.

This also caused the parents to feel uneasy. In order for the younger son to have continuous living expenses, they could only ask the older son to provide it. This kind of unequal love also tore apart the family relationship. The final result of

is . The younger son who is favored has no ability to support the family, and the older son who is wanted is far away from him.

To avoid this situation, parents need to pay attention to the following three points.

First, do not favor one over the other, and use your own efforts to balance the relationship between the two children.

No matter what the child's ability is, parents must be equal to a bowl of water.

does not require older children to be humble to younger children. This is something parents need to pay attention to. Once you make this request, you have already revealed your inner thoughts, and your children can keenly see your preference.

Second, when children grow up, urge them to be independent.

After school, people have the right to choose their own lives. No matter where they live, they must think independently to avoid being dependent on their parents.

The responsibility of parents is to let go slowly, stand behind and watch their children go away, and accept it calmly.

Third, parents love themselves first and then please their children.

Some parents live a very hard life and are reluctant to eat or use, but they satisfy their children's needs to buy famous brands.

This is actually not love, but using doting to influence the child's sense of right and wrong.

Smart parents will keep their houses and savings around them, and then make decisions about who to give the house to by observing which child is filial.

There is really no need to worry about leaving a house to your children. Letting your children have the ability to live independently is the most important issue to consider.

A writer said it well: " If the child is capable, there is no need for you to leave property. If the child is incompetent, what is the use of leaving more property?"

Parents love themselves well and let their children have a warm home when they return. , more than anything else.

Like it and let’s go! Do you think parents should leave the house to their younger son?